I woke up with swollen eyes. I looked at the mirror and then bam. Reality hit me.. HARD. The memories of last summer night kept on haunting me. My tears started to flow freely on my cheeks. "DAMN. It's been 4 months already. Stop crying. You're so weak!" I cursed under my breath. "She moved on already. She moved on Kim Taeyeon. Why are you still longing for her? 4 months. 4 ing months. Stop being an idiot!" I mentally scolded myself. I couldn't stop my tears from flowing so I grabbed a box of tissue above my table. It's my 34th box of tissue ever since she broke up with me. I cried my heart out.. again.. for the nth time. I used to be a strong person before  I met her but what the hell happened to my walls I built years ago? I felt miserable. My heart is shattered into pieces. Damn. When did I become so vulnerable?

I tried to calm myself for a while and when I did, I weakly got up and grabbed the guitar. A blue guitar that I bought with her few months ago.. few months before she left me. I strummed the guitar while feeling the rhythm..

"I DROVE BY ALL THE PLACES WE USED TO HANG OUT GETTING WASTED"

That's what I did after the first week. I went to the park, to our favourite restaurant, to a mall. All the places we've been together to be exact. I also did the things we did before but this time, I'm alone. It felt so lonely. And then I remembered what I did the first day you broke up with me. I went straight to a bar after class. I  drank a lot of alcohol. 10 shots? Nah. More than that. I got pretty wasted to the point that I didn't even went home. Good thing my parents were too busy to answer the calls made by the bartender.

"I THOUGHT ABOUT OUR LAST KISS, HOW IT FELT THE WAY YOU TASTED"

Our last kiss is the sweetest yet the most heart wrenching. I never thought we will end up like this. Your lips taste like a strawberry. Damn. It was so addicting..

"AND EVEN THOUGH YOUR FRIENDS TELL ME YOU'RE DOING FINE..

ARE YOU SOMEWHERE FEELING LONELY EVEN THOUGH HE'S RIGHT BESIDE YOU"

I always ask your friends if you're doing well or not everyday. But they would just answer me with a simple yes or nod. It hurts like hell Jess. It ing hurts.. I can't hold you tight anymore. I can't kiss your forehead anymore. I can't do all those things again.. I can't breathe Jess. It's suffocating me. And you know what's worse? I didn't even know your reason.

"WHEN HE SAYS THOSE WORDS THAT HURT YOU, DO YOU READ THE ONES I WROTE YOU"

Do you still remember my gift on our first anniversary? Because I did. I made a box full of letters, telling how beautiful you are, how cute you are everytime you gave me a confused expression, how lucky I am to have you. Do you still read those letters Jessica? Do you still keep it?

"SOMETIMES I START TO WONDER WAS IT JUST A LIE?"

My tears started to flow again as I sang this line. Was it just a lie Jessica? That you love me.. Please tell me it wasn't. Am I not good enough Jess?

"IF WHAT WE HAD WAS REAL, HOW COULD YOU BE FINE?"

Tell me, please tell me you didn't want this to happen. Tell me you were hurt too..

"CAUSE I'M NOT FINE AT ALL"

I am not fine Jessica. Please take me back. I.. I will do everything to make you happier. I will treat you as a princess.. Jess.. Please.. Be mine.. Again..

"I REMEMBER THE DAY YOU TOLD ME YOU WERE LEAVING..

I REMEMBER THE MAKE UP RUNNING DOWN YOUR FACE"

"Tae.. I think.. we.. we need.. we need a break"

"Tell me you're just kidding Jess.."

"No. I mean it Taeyeon. I'm sorry. If we're meant to be, no matter what, we will end up together."

"Please, Jess. Don't do this to me.."

"I'm sorry." And with that, she left. She left me hanging..She left me dumbfounded.. She left me miserable.

"AND THE DREAMS YOU LEFT BEHIND YOU DIDN'T NEED THEM..

LIKE EVERY SINGLE WISH WE EVER MADE"

We dreamt to travel the world, right? But where are you now? How can I enjoy it if you're not here with me? Damn it. Why of all those people? Why? Why me?

"I WISH THAT I COULD WAKE UP WITH AMNESIA"

Yes. That's what I'm thinking. What if I do have a freaking amnesia? Will the pain be gone? Four ing months is enough. I'm so tired of crying every night, I'm so tired of hurting. I.. I want to forget everything. But everytime I tried to erase those memories, it kept on haunting me.

"AND FORGET ABOUT THE STUPID LITTLE THINGS"

I want to forget the cute expression you gave me everytime you're confused, that dolphin scream when you're scared. The way you cling onto my arms, the smell of your hair, everything.. I just want to forget everything about you.

"LIKE THE WAY IT FELT TO FALL ASLEEP NEXT TO YOU..

AND THE MEMORIES I NEVER CAN ESCAPE"

The lyrics of a song can best describe what you're feeling right now, they said. I agree. Yes, I want to erase those memories just for a little while. But I knew that these memories are the things I can't really escape.

"CAUSE I'M NOT FINE AT ALL"

I'm done with these bulls Jess. I'm so tired.. I am so ing tired..

After the chorus part, I slowly got up and went to the bathroom. I took a really cold shower to help me clear my mind. It didn't help me though. It made me more confused. I want to die.. That's the best way to forget everything.. But at the same time, I want to be with her.. I don't ing know what to do..

When I'm done, I dressed up and grabbed my keys. I took my phone and wallet and went outside.

I sat on the driver's seat and the engine. I drove out with the best speed I can do. My heart is aching, my tears covered my eyes. I can't do anything but to just let it flow. And then there's a light.. A really bright light coming from the outside.. I didn't see it coming.. In fact, my vision got blurry because of these stupid tears. My vision turned black.. And the next thing I knew,

I WOKE UP IN A BED.

A hospital bed to be exact..

I tried to recall my memories but I got nothing.

IT HIT ME.

I WOKE UP WITH NO MEMORIES..

I WOKE UP WITH AMNESIA.