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Author: bbe1989
Reviewed By: KaihleeLo

Requested Date: 5/07/17

Review Completion: 1/15/18
Story Link: Link (one shot)
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Bonus: (Your questions and focuses for us here)

Pacing?: Under "Behind the Author's mind"

Awkward wordings?: Under "Proper Use of the English Language"

Title: 10/10

Logical: 3/3

The story did the title justice. Though it was closer to the end, we do eventually find out that in this story Oh Sehun is the devil. And as 'to' is almost always the first word one would see in a letter, it was as expected in that format. 
Eye-catching: 3/3
Slightly, the title reminded me of a Taiwanese drama "Devil Beside You". And as I do remember checking the film out because of its title, your story title held the same effect. It's dramatic and arresting. 
Original: 4/4
I've seen many titles (outside of AFF) with 'devil' and 'love'/'loved' in them but you made the title your own by, like I said, using that informal lettering style. 

Description/Foreword: 10/10

Summary: 5/5

The summary is great. Upfront, clean, short, and captivating. Other than Tao's personality, it doesn't spoil or ruin anything else. 
Appearance: 5/5
The simple look with the same font style, size, and spacing was possibly the best idea/mood to set up this story. Nothing distracting or too crazy. 

Character Development/Showcasing: 10/10

Relation/Cast: 5/5
Overall the cast consists of five significant characters, Zitao, Sehun, Suho, and After School Nana and Raina. Suho is Sehun's best friend and is like a mother because of his nagging. Nana and Raina work under Zitao before taking over as head designers at HZT.

The relationship between Sehun and Suho, although we only got to see/hear of Suho twice and both times over the phone, he still plays quite a role. Sehun often mentioned Suho and keeps the latter's warnings in the back of his head. In this case, it shows loyalty and respect on Sehun's part. 

Speaking of loyalty, Raina and Nana were prime examples of this. Despite the nasty things Tao throws at them, the ladies stuck with him through thick and thin. Of course, because of how their boss treated them, Nana and Raina are not the most attentive to Tao outside of work. I.e. his drinking problem. 

I loved that despite Tao's ex playing a major part of his life after 16, you didn't give him a name. Readers would assume it's an EXO member or even Yifan. I, however, am glad he was without a face/name. It not only shows that he will be out of the picture for good, but that he meant very little to Tao after all that he's been through. 

Development: 5/5

Not only personality but habitually, Tao did a 180. He began to trust and relied on Sehun and quit drinking later on. Even though Sehun never truly scolded him sober for it. And Sehun, who has also lived alone, got used to shopping and caring for two. In other words, they've developed in their own ways.

I was quite taken aback that Sehun smokes. However, that only goes to show how much self-control he has. Another great example would be when he took a drunk Tao home instead of giving in and having near the rooftop. I suppose Sehun has a strong sense of responsibility as well. 

As Sehun is a photographer, he has a keen eye for detail. Therefore, he notices a lot of things about Tao even before those who have been working for or with him. I.e his alcohol problem, character flaws, change of character. That's a skill or trait that really sets Sehun apart from the rest of the characters. 

Behind the Author's Mind: 38/40

Logical: 10/10

The story is tagged fashionau but I feel like it really fits the real world now. Standards and expectations-wise. Even pointing out that the job isn't as easy as how the outside world sees it, gave the story a sense of realism.  
Original: 9/10
The employee-employer plot, where the boss is mean and nasty isn't necessarily original, but you definitely made the story your own with its tweaks and perks. 
Tone: 5/5
Solid. The story's tone was there from start to end 100%.

Narration: 5/5

Third POV, though we get mainly Sehun's POV on what he sees, thinks, and feels. 
Storyline: 9/10
Since your story is emotionally and character-driven, you have to really balance each scene to compensate for the rest. However, some scene were rushed while others were dragged on. For example, when you were describing Sehun noticing Tao's character flaw. There were some rambling. You have a gift for words and descriptions, don't get me wrong, but some parts are too wordy.

Here's an example of what I mean by too wordy: say you're giving us a visual of the character facial structure, instead of him having a scar over his eye. You get carried away by telling us how the character's black brows are straight, his eyes are light brown under the sun while dark in the shade, he has no baby hair in sight, his lips were chapped and exactly two inches wide, etc. 

When I say you have a gift for words, I really mean it. At first, it sort of blends in because you use different wording to explain similar emotions so it then drags the story.

As for the scenes, I felt were rushed. Tao and Sehun's first night together. And I noticed, you tend to add in the time lapse near the end and before the scene was cut. For example, after Sehun had already quit his job and 'six months' was mentioned a little after the mid-point. In the story, we're not given a good idea of the timeframe. 

Otherwise, the storyline and pacing were great. If we work this into a film, it would run between one-two hours. Perfect for a short film. 

Proper Use of the English Language: 25/25

Proper Grammar/Punctuation: 10/10

I don't recall coming across awkward wordings. There were only one or two hiccups where you meant to type one sentence but changed it and so you miss removing a word. Or something of the like. It was at least more than halfway through the story when I spotted it, though I can't recall exactly where.  

Tip: I've covered this point with you before in "Once Upon A Dream" review where dialogues belonging to the same character should remain in one group of texts. Unless they were rambling and you spaced the words out, but still it should be closed by two quotations. Or even use a colon if you must. 

Terminology: 5/5
I envy your writing style and proper use of terminologies. Really. 

Language Barrier: 10/10
Nothing here. We're all set. 

General Enjoyment/Last Comment: 5/5
Despite it being a 27k one-shot, I really enjoyed it. I loved all the references, like Nana and Raina being Dr. Seuss's Thing 1 and Thing 2. They were a little mischevious around Sehun :P For some reason when I read Mr. Gibbs I imagined Pirates of the Caribbean Mr. Gibbs so I had a good laugh. Love that Reader's Digest was mentioned! Ugh, there were a lot of great references. 

I read one comment where the reader suggests splitting up the story. I just wanted to add on to that. Maybe with the opening and ending where we get to see the story from Tao's POV, you could use a prologue and epilogue. 

I hope I didn't forget anything. A lot went through my mind while I was reading but the review is much shorter than I thought...I might have left out important pointers but if I remember anything I'll inform you ASAP. 

Total Points: 98/100