Chateau kisses; Champagne flutes - fefedove

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Story Details

 

Author: fefedove
Reviewed By: KaihleeLo

Requested Date: 5/07/17

Review Completion: 1/14/18
Story Link: Link (nine chapters)
Reminder: 

- Feel free to message me personally for any questions or clarification 

- Don't forget to credit us with our banner/logo 

- Thank you for choosing BLK Review Shop, hope to see you again!

Bonus: (Your questions and focuses for us here)

Character Development?: Under "Character Development/Showcasing"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Review (Spoilers Alert)

 

Title: 10/10

Logical: 3/3

Do I really have to say it..? The title fits PERFECTLY and it makes PERFECT sense. I wouldn't give it any other title. 
Eye-catching: 3/3
Honestly, I had no idea what Chateau is nor what champagne flutes were because I'm not big on drinking and that sort of fun stuff. But yes! The title is indeed very eye-catching (even if I wasn't familiar with those terms). 
Original: 4/4
Definitely, original-that's all I have for you.

Description/Foreword: 10/10

Summary: 5/5

The first summary is very vague and simple, but it speaks volume since everyone has experienced some kind of love. Whether it be from a stranger, family, friend, partner, pet, etc. 

 

The alternative summary is straightforward. Other than Sehun being rich, Kai being y and Luhan being pretty is a no-brainer if one is familiar with the idols. But I can't say it was a good or bad summary since it was an alter....
Appearance: 5/5
Overall the appearance is easy to the eyes. No ridiculous layout, no too-light-nearly-transparent font colors, etc. 


Character Development/Showcasing: 10/10

Relation/Cast: 5/5
Gee where do I start..? Technically the story features the majority of EXO 0T12.

 

I'm connecting each of them for the purpose of 'relation' to get a better idea of their relation and development.

 

We've got Luhan, Jongin, Sehun, Jongdae, Minseok, Baekhyun, Yixing, Zitao, and Yifan. Luhan and Jongin are high school friends and siblings in a way as Jongin's family took Luhan in. Jongin is Sehun's childhood friend and also the same character Sehun loves. Luhan loves, doesn't loves, lusts, who knows Sehun. Baekhyun was mentioned as someone who worked under Sehun but never really made an appearance. (Did he or did he not betray Sehun as well?) Minseok and Jongdae are Sehun's "siblings" as Minseok's family took Jongdae and Sehun in. Sorry not took, they bought the boys. Yixing and Yifan are brothers but Yixing works for Sehun. Zitao and Yifan were a thing before Sehun killed Yifan. 

 

Development: 5/5

I didn't want to cover all of the characters' development, but this story left me no choice, therefore, some points will be shorter than others. 

 

Here it goes. Should I start with the protagonist or antagonist...?

(See what your story did to me?)

 

Luhan: Our hero who makes us question his role in the end. (Actually, this point goes for every character.) Luhan, painted as a lotus, an innocent pretty boy who never made us doubt his love for Sehun. Yet, before killing Sehun he said he doesn't love him, but I believe he still did. Sadly he was driven by money and power which caused him his life and made him look like the bad one. But may I say you did a very good job foreshadowing his changes/motives? It wasn't obvious at first, but once he killed Sehun, I was reminded of the pasts they shared. Sehun has killed his own men in cold blood in front of Luhan, therefore Luhan isn't new to the game of murder. Then the scene where Luhan felt the most powerful was when he was on Sehun's lap, and the latter's men entered the room ready at his command. At first, I was a bit surprised that he shot Sehun. Like how and why..? But thinking back, Sehun was the root of Luhan's greed. 

 

Sehun: Sehun was the antagonist (or author-claimed antagonist). The character who's weakness is most anticipated by readers. From a boy who was kidnapped, enjoyed burning ants, to an independent man who has built his own kingdom; Sehun is a different kind of villain. Once in a while, we pity him. Not because he was kidnapped. Sold. In a one-sided love. Only know the life he has. Nor because he lost his love to an enemy. But because to a certain extent, he was faithful, loyal, and sincere (some of the characteristics you'd expect from our hero, Luhan). Despite his reputation and lifestyle, he trusted those around him without question. He became a successful ringleader through his own effort, yet, he gives some of that credit to Jongin.

 

Jongin: He was...should I say the free character? He lived his life the way he wanted up until he was robbed of it. Jongin was definitely the kind that would choose friendship over love, just because to him friendship is a form of love. So if he has friends, he has love. That was the kind of mindset I got from him. 

 

Minseok & Jongdae: If they had known different lives, they would have had promising future. 

 

Yixing: Basically the 'spy' or 'undercover' in the story since Sehun is the antagonist. Though Yixing succeeded in obtaining Sehun's fortune, it's hard to blame him. If anything he's the most pitiful character; risking his life to work under his brother's killer. I wonder how he managed so well. If I can only use one word to describe Yixing, I'd say he's patient. 

 

Zitao: The psychopath (only when avenging his lover's death). Zitao was a great distraction you've added in for the readers. He was also an interesting character to read. He was different; direct and smart. Would it be weird if I admit I liked Sehun and Zitao's rivalry? When they met up, they each gave off a powerful leader aura. They were calm despite the tension. It was like they were careful, yet, appear as intimidating as they could..? 

 

Overall, all major and minor characters went through absolute, definite development. Though Jongin's development felt like it happened way earlier on since he's an already established character (if that makes any sense).


Behind the Author's Mind: 40/40

Logical: 10/10

Full points. Rational, logical, with a sense of reality. 
Original: 10/10
I've read a few where abuse, -shaming, and mafia are involved but this one was definitely different and one of its own.  
Tone: 5/5
The tone of the story was steady. It was intense from start to finish. 

Narration: 5/5

As you mentioned, the narrating is slightly odd as you, the author, is telling us the story as if we were discussing the matter in person. I've got to say it made the story even more intense if it wasn't already. Since you were spoon-feeding us the story, you left us little to no room to imagine the other possibilities. Whatever you had written/typed down, I absorbed it like a sponge and took it as fact. I had no space to question it, or you. At first, when I read your request form, I was worried how this would turn out. But honestly, I liked it a lot. It's a new and refreshing writing style/story-telling. 
Storyline: 10/10
Since the narration is so different, as I said, we weren't free to think outside the box. I had no idea what was coming and honestly, I didn't expect anything HOLY base off on what I've seen from similar fics. But yours had me frowning and gasping like the world was going to end. The twists where Luhan was responsible for spilling Jongin's location to Tao, him shooting Sehun, and Yixing being Yifan's brother are just some examples of what surprised me. 

 

Besides the storytelling, you also meant to share meaningful messages as well. I mean, if anyone reads your story, they'll probably see it since like I've said, you're spoon-feeding it to us. 


Proper Use of the English Language: 25/25

Proper Grammar/Punctuation: 10/10

Full points. 
Terminology: 5/5
Your wide usage of vocabularies made the story so much better, I'll tell you that. I've learned a word or two, thank you. 
Language Barrier: 10/10
Perfect. No language barriers. 


General Enjoyment/Last Comment: 5/5
I believe it's been a while since I've given out a perfect score, but your story is worth all 100. Honestly, your story deserves more recognition. If people who don't like or abuse, if they can get past those I think they'll love everything else. It's not just another story out there for sure. 

 

I really enjoyed your story! I went through a handful of emotions while I was reading it over the span of two days. But as I'm writing up this review, it's 4 AM in the morning and my migraine is killing me so I ended up keeping everything short. (Trust me when I say this is short... I'm a pro at rambling.) 

 

Lastly, I apologize for the long wait. I'm actually happy that I dragged the review out because only then did I get to review the full story and not just the four chapters you've requested for. 

 

Total Points: 100/100

Everything on this thread unless otherwise stated was created by in:exordium's staff.
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Thank you!
KaihleeLo
[BLK Shop] Calling bbe1989~

Comments

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bbe1989
#1
Chapter 290: Thank you so much for the very comprehensive review!!!
Once again you've picked up my struggle with writing dialogue... I'm still trying to work on it and will definitely keep all your well thought out advice in mind when I write stories in the future TT.
You're totally fair about the vague timeline and the wordiness, I'll also work on that in the future!!
And yes!!! Thank you for picking up on all my references!!!
I've linked and credited you on the fic and once again thank you so much for writing such an awesome objective review. Really highlights some things I can work harder on and I love it :)
fefedove
#2
Chapter 289: ok, i'm finally picking the review up hehe~
wow, you said you kept this short but this is one of the more detailed reviews i've received lol. thank you so much kaihlee! to be honest, i'm really surprised that you read all of it and even upvoted the fic ajdhf;iwescd
the "chateau kisses" part in the title came from lyrics of exo's lotto. the mv for that also inspired this fic.
you have interesting takes on the characters too, which i love! it's always nice to see how other people view them. like how you described jongin as the "free" character, because i never thought about that, but you're definitely right. for luhan, i tried hinting at the beginning that he shouldn't be pitied or thought weak just because he looked innocent. there was much more to him ;) but the fact that he had been witnessing sehun killing in cold blood and wasn't new to this...omg i never thought of that wtf? lol (or maybe i did subconsciously)
okay anyway, thank you so much~ i'll definitely come back for constructive reviews once i actually write another fic haha. i've credited as well ^_^
fefedove
#3
Chapter 289: Thank you so much for the review! I'll write a longer comment and credit when I'm on my laptop~
stellarstarlight
#4
Chapter 246: I've always been curious about review shops. I could never do it myself. If you don't mind my asking, how did you come up with your rubric?
ramblesofthelost
#5
Chapter 286: Ahhhhhh!!!! Thank you so much for doing a review - I honestly thought it wasn't going to happen when I saw your announcement. I'll probably have to re-read x3 your review because I definitely want to make improvements on my grammar mistakes. And thanks for noting about the forward too - I'm always unsure what to put there. The characters were such a challenge and I still find it that way- but I'm happy that their development is showing. Really, I'm glad you enjoyed and story and I'd love to hear your opinion on the King in the future. Thanks for taking the time to finish this! Will credit banner on the page <3
mistressdean
#6
Chapter 286: Oh, no! I literally come back to aff just to read reviews, including yours. You will be missed!

On a side note, will you ever be opened to personal review requests in the future?
YX__94
#7
Chapter 285: Thank you for the review!

I feel like it was a little rushed and i can't explain such an high score since the critics are there but I'll credit you on the foreword ASAP! :)

I was also wondering if you consider cliché and overused just the starting plot or the whole story. I mean, I haven't seen fics with that kind of end so maybe I've missed them and I'd like to check them out.
kpopcrown
#8
Chapter 283: My finals have finally ended and summer started, and I could finally sit down and re-read the entire review and pick it up! First of all, I am glad you enjoyed reading my story. It is true there are plot holes here and there, and I can't thank you enough for listing the days. I lost count of the days myself because it's been two years I am writing this (I'm a slow-writer). Hopefully, I'll be able to edit the entire story once I finish Blood Rose. I know my grammar skills , so thank you for pointing out the flaws! I'll make sure to tend to it soon.
Lol, I actually turned 16 this April. Omg, since you and Renee are both computer science major, am I portraying her well? xD I have no clue how a computer science major actually does lol.
I have picked up my review and once again, thank you for the review! Thank you for patiently waiting for me as well! c: