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Author: Flower-of-May
Reviewed By: KaihleeLo

Requested Date: 3/11/17

Review Completion: 1/12/18
Story Link: Link
Reminder: 

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Bonus: (Your questions and focuses for us here)

Character Development?: Under "Character Development/Showcasing"

Grammar?: Under "Proper Use of the English Language"

Title: 10/10

Logical: 3/3

Logically I don't think 'moonshine' itself was incorporated into the story in any way. But due to the story's genre, it fits. It gives us that series kind of feel like Glee, Mean Girls, etc. 
Eye-catching: 3/3
If I was scanning through a bookshelf, I might pick Moonshine Girls from off the fluffy and comedy category. 
Original: 4/4
I will say it's pretty original for a story, it wouldn't, however, be for an applyfic for example. 

Description/Foreword: 9.5/10

Summary: 4.5/5

Though I came from a place where I must dive into book/season two without having much knowledge of book/season one, I can say the summary did excite me. It was vague and direct, yet, written with spunk. I did, however, had to 'correct' and suggest changes that could be made to make it even richer than it already is. 

Original: "Wherein Jinri is trying to regain the love she lost, Jiyeon is on search for the handsome father, Jiyoung can't help but to feel wary all the time, Soojung is trying to mend all her disappointments and regrets, and Sueji is getting her turn on parenting."

Suggestion One (Grammar & Sentence Structure): "Wherein Jinri is trying to regain the love she lost, Jiyeon is on [a/the] search for the [her] handsome father, Jiyoung can't help but to feel wary all the time, Soojung is trying to mend all her disappointments and regrets, and Sueji is getting her turn on parenting."

Suggestion Two (Wording and Structure): "Wherein Jinri tries to regain lost love, Jiyeon searches for her handsome father, Jiyoung being helplessly wary all the time, Soojung attempts to mend all her disappointments and regrets, while Sueji gets her turn on parenting."

Suggestion Three (Sentences over sentence): "Wherein Jinri is trying to regain the love she lost. Jiyeon is [goes] on [a/the] search for the [her] 

handsome father. Jiyoung can't help but to feel wary all the time. Soojung is trying to mend all her disappointments and regrets, and Sueji is getting her turn on parenting."

Suggestion Four (Drama effect):

"Wherein:

Jinri is trying to regain the love she lost.

Jiyeon is [goes] on [a/the] search for the [her] handsome father.

Jiyoung can't help but to feel wary all the time.

Soojung is trying to mend all her disappointments and regrets, and Sueji is getting her turn on parenting."

Sidenote: Honestly, 'handsome' really isn't needed before 'father', but that's up to you to decide.

 
Appearance: 5/5
The appearance was consistent. Although the font on each character poster differs from that of the description and foreword, you still kept it together. The colors you used for the title font was also visually pleasing.  

Character Development/Showcasing: 8/10

Relation/Cast: 4/5
For your story I expected many and I mean MANY characters, but there were a lot more than I was ready for. Every face in the story (well most if not 99%) are either idols or actors. (Nothing wrong with that. If anything I recommend you tagging every group/actor you used to gain more readers.) As I was reading through, I wondered how were you going to manage all characters.  Honestly, I wasn't disappointed neither was I impressed.

I loved that each character had something going for them, whether they were dealing with things from the past, present, or getting ready for the future. They all had personality. And that was key for you having an overall good cast. The issue is (and perhaps because this is Book 2) we're not really given insights on their physical appearances and personal tastes. Yes, Soojung is a red-head. Jiyeon wore multiple (fashionable) outfits during her trip, but what about the parents? As far as I caught on, you chose quite a young cast to play the parents so I'm not sure if I was supposed to imagine a 30-year-old Ilwoo raising a 19-year-old Soojung or say a wrinkled 45 Ilwoo playing as Soojung's dad. 

You linked some pictures of the outfits and I know it's optional to click on them, but it distracts the flow. It's better for you to just describe them. Otherwise, leave it up to our imagination. 

Aside from simple, little details, I do love the relations between each character. They were all connected in a way, so it was fun and cool to see how their relationship panned out in the end.  

Development: 4/5

Since you asked for more focus on the characters' development, I'll talk about the main five ladies and the one man I think turned over a new leaf. 

Choi Jinri: Jinri, daughter of Siwon and Miyoung and sister to Minho. Out of all the girls, I liked her more in the beginning. She was more mature, composed, and very supportive of her boyfriend's (Taemin) career. Her past sort of molded her present character, so I liked that as well. Then because of Taemin's work, Jinri got more involved with Jongin (Taemin's brother) and so hers and Taemin's relationship sort of hit rock bottom. Once they bounced back from it, I guess Jinri sort of developed but not entirely. She still has a lot of growing up to do. 

Park Jiyeon: Biological daughter of Jihoon and Taehee, fostered daughter of Haejin and Yoonyoung. Out of the five, Jiyeon often masked her concerns and insecurities with cheerfulness. If I have to describe her character in one word, I'd say she's loyal. Jiyeon is also a good friend, in my opinion, however, her personality doesn't really suit the girl that had Jiyoung accompanied her to a party at the age of 14? Where Jiyoung was violated. I'm not sure if it was because of the party and what happened to Jiyoung, that made Jiyeon careful or if the incident affected her in any way. I don't think so since she was willing to go on a two months trip with her older boyfriend of three months? It wasn't clear. Anyway, throughout the story, Jiyeon's goal was to meet and find her biological father. Finally, when she met him, he gave her reasons as to why he sort of left her and her mother. After meeting him, she didn't really show any signs of further development? Then again, it didn't seem like she was devastated by his absence. 

Kang Jiyoung: The wary one. Except it didn't seem like it. Jiyoung was cautious when Taeyeon was around, but after she stopped coming around, Jiyoung seemed...normal? Jiyoung doesn't give off the same characteristics as someone who has been violated at the age of 14. I thought she would be more timid and careful, but she's rather loud and free..? Not that there is anything wrong with that and that people who have been assaulted should be or act a certain way. I may have missed something else, but her character feels wild to me. I can't pinpoint her personality nor could I see things at her level. I do appreciate her pointing out the fact that Myungsoo is the father to Sueji's twins so that the lass has to make amends somehow. 

Jung Soojung: I can't tell you how well Soojung was written. Yes, she made my blood boiled. Yes, she's my least favorite character, but you managed to keep her consistent as someone who's indecisive, inconsiderate, and needy all at the same time. Everyone is hypocritical to a certain point, but Soojung was a big-time hypocrite. I just wished someone had told her to break up with Jongin if she's going to keep thinking of Sehun. Soojung kept playing both sides and she didn't seem to have an idea of what true love, or love in general, was. Attachment and attraction are two different things but she was mixing the two. I had a feeling Soojung was afraid of being alone so she made sure to have back up. But her neediness and greed also kept her from letting either one of the men go. It was frustrating to watch and read about her character, but in the end, she did only choose Sehun so I suppose she grew up a little. 

Bae Sueji: You had me fooled. When I first read that Myungsoo and Sueji thought about abortion, I was so angry at them. Yes, they were young and afraid at the time, but abortion. The way Myungsoo mentioned it was slightly sickening. But in the end, they became my favorite couple. (Though I'm surprised to discover they weren't married yet?) Sueji gave off a  motherly aura among her group of friends, which made sense but wasn't she wondering around too much for someone in her second trimester..? Even if her friends wanted to go to the beach or out somewhere, they shouldn't drag her along in case something happens. Either way, Sueji did the most developing. Though she doubted Myungsoo's faith and felt betrayed as he kept breaking promises after another, she thought she had to give him some space. It was also nice to see how they could trust each other, even when Hyuna was staying with them for a while. 

Myungsoo: Of all the men in the story, Myungsoo really stepped up his game, the moment he became a dad. He did scare me a little when he said he was tired of the things Sueji often ask of him due to her pregnancy. But he came around, did a 180, and proved everyone wrong.  

 
Behind the Author's Mind: 38.5/40

Logical: 10/10

I can say the events and emotions the characters went through, whether it was reacting and whatnot made sense. 
Original: 10/10
Aside from your story, I've yet to read anything similar to it. 
Tone: 5/5
The tone of each scene was nicely set. 

Narration: 4.5/5

The narration is told from a third POV as it follows the lives of multiple characters. However, at times I feel it's also first POV depending on whose story was being told. Particularly the beef scenes with Jiyoung and Taeyeon. 
Storyline: 9/10
As previously mentioned, the story followed five different characters. Sometimes we get the side characters POV as well, but mainly the five ladies. I love how despite their different lives and the problems they were each having, at times they all came together for major causes. For example, when Sueji fainted and was taken to the hospital for her surgery, the girls' get-together before they take off to their own universities, Jongin's motorcycle accident, and finally the wedding. 

Proper Use of the English Language: 20/25

Proper Grammar/Punctuation: 8/10

There were a lot of grammar/punctuation errors. They weren't extreme issues that made reading difficult but they were distracting. I'd say proofread and perhaps get yourself a beta reader to help you with grammar, punctuation, sentence structure, and so on. 

Terminology: 3/5
Since the select text option wasn't made available, I decided not to provide any specific examples. However, down below are some of the repeating errors I wanted to point out. 

I noticed you tend to misuse 'in', 'at', 'on', 'off', and 'out' a lot. I say do some research and learn how they are properly used. 

Also, 'you're' is short for 'you are' so when you write "what you're doing?" you're basically saying "what you are doing?" What you meant to write is "what are you doing?" Here's a tip: Don't write it as "what're you doing?" either. It just looks funky. 

Language Barrier: 9/10

I can't recall where exactly but it was earlier on in the chapters where you used -ah after someone's name. I'll just say since you have been writing with English expressions and words, leave out any Koreans expression. Otherwise, someone who isn't familiar with Korean formality will find it odd. 

General Enjoyment/Last Comment: 5/5
First and foremost, I'm terribly sorry for the long awaited review! I can't believe I managed to put this off for nearly a year (knowing how personally impatient I can get when waiting for my request). All in all, I enjoyed your story a lot. It even inspired me to start something similar to it but knowing me, I at following through so we'll see. Let me know if some of my points made no sense to you at all, I'm more than happy to further explain or correct what I've written. Once again, thank you for your patience! I am curious though, why did you want a review on the second rather than book one? 

Total Points: 86/100