There's nothing to it, Yixing... You just have to deal.

This is wrong. I know there's something I could have done to make him chose differently. We are close after all so I don't see how I couldn't tell he was unhappy. I try my best to be selfless and care about everyone in the group, even Baekhyun. I want them to know that I'll be there for them when they go through minor depression. I want Chanyeol to know that I don't think of him as the pathway to my fix. I want Suho to know that I really do appreciate his motherly instincts. I want everyone to know I care, but now it feels like everything is crumble down beneath my feet. 

To say it was sudden would be a lie, but when the truth came out, things got messy real fast. I know something was going on with Kris. I mean he'd been quite distant for the past few months but I thought maybe he was home sick. The moment he stopped asking me how I was feeling after every single concert, I knew something terrible was going to happen. 

I just didn't think it would be this terrible. 

*

(A couple months earlier)

"Chanyeol wait up," I say as Chanyeol was leaving along with the rest of EXO K back to their dorm. They were only stopping by for breakfast and to remind everyone that we have a show to go to around noon. 

Chanyeol turns around and let the other guys go before him as he stops walking. "What's up Xing Xing?" He asks with a teasing smile. 

"Yah..." I whine, shoving him lightly into the hallway wall. Chanyeol smirks and ruffles my hair. "Anyway. I just wanted to thank you. For last night I mean."

"What's with the thanks? I'm used to it by now. You don't need to thank me. I'm here for you whenever you need me," Chanyeol says with a tired smile. 

"I know... I know that, but I feel it seems like I'm just using you for your . I'm not though."

"Lay I know you're not. You don't need to worry about it. Frankly I like it when you call me in the middle of the night to unwind after a concert because after I've smoked I feel so much better about life," he says, patting me on the shoulder. 

"Ah...okay. But I do have one question. Well two sort of. If you have all of that weed, why don't you smoke it all the time? I mean you have a lot so you should be using it every minute that we don't have a schedule. Where did you even get it? We don't ever have time to go out anywhere," I ask him. These thoughts have been bothering me for a while. Why wouldn't Chanyeol have smoked it all by now. If I had paid for it I would want to use it as much as I could. 

"Well... the truth is, is that I was scared to smoke it when I got it. I was not really that experienced with drugs, but I knew enough about how and where to get them. When you found the bag in my room and asked to smoke it, I was both relieved and stressed. I was worried that you would make fun of me for how inexperienced I was. But you didn't so that was nice. I was so glad it was you that found it, too. Imagine if Suho was cleaning my room and found it. I would've been dead. So thanks."

I remember that day like it was yesterday. EXO was still a pretty new group. It had only been about five months since we debuted, so our manager had all of us members spend one day with each other individually. Some sort of "getting to know you" activity. To be honest, I didn't really care what we did as long as it didn't involve extreme sports or going to a strip club.

I was in Chanyeol's room that day waiting for him to get out of the shower as I played on my phone. I got up at one point to use the bathroom outside of his room when my foot hit something under his bed. The fact that it wasn't hard made me look under his bed. When I pulled out the big bag of , I nearly fainted. It had been so long since I had smoked anything. I almost got one of the pre rolled joints out of the bag and smoked it, but soon realized that that would be a terrible idea. We would both probably get kicked out of the group. 

I put the bag back under his bed and went to the bathroom. By the time I got back, Chanyeol was already out of the shower and styling his hair. 

"So what do you want to do today?" Chanyeol asked. 

I tried to think of normal people things to do but all I could think about was the giant bag of weed under his bed. I went back over to his bed and pulled out the bag. I then walked over to Chanyeol's bathroom and stand in the doorway. He gives me a quick glance before continuing to style his hair.

"Can we smoke this?" I asked, holding the bag out to him. 

He turned to me slowly, clearly confused about what I meant. "What? Smoke wha-" he said and then saw the bag. His eye grew large and his mouth hung open. 

"H - how did you find that?" Chanyeol asked. 

I smirk and pull out two of the rolled joints, handing one to Chanyeol. "You should find a better spot for it. I wasn't even snooping and I found it. But are we gonna smoke it or not. I need to buy a lighter first. It's been ages since I've been around ," I said. 

Ever since then we have been as thick as the thieves. 

"After that, I never really smoked unless I was with you. I didn't ever desperately need to wind down like you did so I figured if I saved it all so that we could smoke it together and you could have as much as you wanted, I would be able to help you in some way. I've always been really bad about being selfless though," Chanyeol explains and scratches his neck. "As for where I got it, I went out late one night and traveled to the slums. It wasn't hard from there. I had a huge stack of cash in my pocket so I was gonna buy myself wat ever I could get. seemed like the safest bet."

Why would he waste that all on me?

"Chanyeol... You don't have to do that. Smoke it as much as you want. I don't need it."

"But it helps you feel better. I don't want you to have so much built up stress in you that you have to leave the group for health reasons or something. Like I said. I'm used to it. This is all routine for me," he says and smiles. "Look, I gotta go. They're gonna start wondering where I went. See ya later today."

As I watched him walk down the hallway, I mulled over everything that was just said to me. 

"This is all routine for me."

That is is Chanyeol. That it is.

*

A/N: I am so sorry for completing this and not really going anywhere with it. I had a plan for this and then I got writers block. This is the first full chapter I've written in about two ish months. I feel proud of myself for actually getting this done. I hope you don't hate me too much. Sorry if the are mistakes because I wrote this on my phone.