"Zhang Yixing!" The fans cheered my name when I had a line in Wolf. Even though it's a short line, I try to put so much passion into it. I want my fans to like me. 

When I finish, Baekhyun and Kyungsoo take over the rest of the song. We are performing the Korean version after all so of course they get all the lines, but I take what I can get. 

Performing is my life. Whether it be on stage or on television, it makes me the most happy. I cannot think of anything I'd rather be doing. It gives me such a rush just before we enter the stage, because our fans are waiting. There are thousands of people out there that will be cheering for us. Cheering for me. 

I may be a little self centered, but I am everything opposite that at the dorm. I am nice to my hyungs and dongsangs, hoping the manager will see how much of an effort I am putting forth to connect with them. Then maybe the company will give me more singing lines or dancing parts. I can always practice more if that's what they want. 

"E X O! E X O!" The crowd screams when we finish performing Wolf, which is sadly the end of our set. We exit stage to the left and gather for pictures and conversations from other famous singers. We gather our things and head back to the two EXO vans to leave for our dorm. EXO M is in one van together, the same for EXO K. 

I comfortably place myself in the very back and pull out my self phone from my bag. I get onto our official fan site and look at all the positive comments about our concert tonight. There are many pictures that were put up that fans took. Most of then were of EXO K and Luhan, Chen, and Kris. There were five out of about sixty that were me. At least some people were watching me. 

A notification pops up on the top of my screen for a new text. I tap it to read it and see it's from Kris. 

"How are you after the concert?" He asks. 

He's one of the only people that understands how I feel when we aren't doing anything productive. 

"I'm fine. I'm checking our fan site. There's lots of pics of you from the concert.." I respond. 

I watch him as he reads what I wrote, gauging how he took it. He looks up at me and gives me a "you shouldn't be doing that" look. 

He types out his response and sends it too me. 

"You know that looking at those is bad for your mental health. Stop torturing yourself."

I lock my phone without replying and lean my head against the seat. He's right. It's not good for any idol to look at fan sites because you never know if people are going to be nice about you or not. Being one of the least popular members doesn't help that case. 

When we arrive at the dorm, Tao practically runs out of the van up to our building. Luhan and Chen laugh at him and walk up to the building together. Xiumin goes in a seemingly drunken state. He is always so exhausted after performing, while I'm hyper and blabbering about our next show. 

Kris waits for me to leave first, giving me a knowing look. I droop my head and leave slowly. As I am just about to enter the building, EXO K's van pulls up and Sehun and Kai exit arguing with each other. Kyungsoo glares at them and walks ahead up to the building. Chanyeol follows after Baekhyun, who is rubbing his eyes tiredly. Suho, lastly, comes out and heads over to Kris. They start having their own leader conversations. I head inside with the rest if my band mates and go to my room. 

This is a normal routine. I am excited about being famous, then something brings me down. Then I can't sleep so I end up calling the one person who can make me feel better. 

"Yixing... Why are you calling me now? It's... One in the morning. What's wrong?" Chanyeol asks. 

"I need you to be with me now. Please meet me in the courtyard in five minutes. 

"Fine," he says and hangs up. 

I am still dressed so I go out there as soon as I get up. I wait in one if the cheap plastic lawn chairs for Chanyeol. After a few minutes of waiting, I hear the back door open and Chanyeol walks out with a bag in one if his hands and a guitar in the other. 

"Here," he says, handing it to me. "I don't know why you want to smoke weed in the middle of the night but go crazy."

I pull my cigarette lighter out of my back pocket and light one of the joints already prepared. I hear Chanyeol start playing his guitar like he always does. It's routine. 

Now that I can't feel the pain of why I needed Chanyeol, I grab my guitar from next to me and throw the weed on the ground. I play a random tune along with Chanyeol's but he soon stops. 

"Dude don't be so depressing. That song makes me want to cry and the second hand smoke is getting to me," he warns, but continues anyways. 

"Get on my level, Chanyeol," I say and toss him my cigarette lighter. He looks at me with an irritated face, but picks up the bag with . He pulls out some of it already rolled up and lights it. It's not the first time we've smoked together. 

I continue playing my 'depressing' song as Chanyeol gets as high as me. 

There's nothing wrong with our relationship. It's just routine. 

___________

these won't be long updates by the way