"Are you just going to abandon me like this?" i asked with a stoic face but tears was slowly dropping down. I felt hopeless. She wants me to do this? No! I don't want to!

"Yes, sending you there is better than living here, we are not rich but i could at least let you be happy," my mother shouted back at me. 

"I don't want to be a concubine, i don't want to fight with other woman just to have their love. I don't want to live this kind of life!" I shouted.

"You have no choice, the palace men have already sent letter that all 18 years old girls shall be sent to the palace. Those who did not pass shall be sent back home." my mother said.

There is still some hope. "Then i will fail. I do not want to join the royal harem,"

"You have to pass, it is the only way you can live well." she said as she looked at me.

"But i-" "NO MORE! You shall listen to me whether you like it or not and you must pass," she said, ruthless. She walked into the living room, closing the door, leaving me in my room.

The day was tomorrow, that dreadful day. Why do i need to enter the harem. I don't want to live like a cruel woman, fighting in the palace everyday. Given false affection every single day. What's the use of that?

"Tomorrow..........tomorrow............why?" i whispered to myself

i then thought to myself, she wants me to pass, i will but i will never submit myself to them. I might as well accept my fate, if i don't go, the guards will come and cause trouble.

Just like that i sat on the floor leaning on my wall. Till sunrise came.

"sunmi-ah it's time for the preparations," someone knocked on my door.

I woke up. So soon? I opened the door. My mother was holding my robe or a hanfu to be exact. It was beautiful, red and black with the print of a phoenix. The red was the dress, black was the upper part but golden was the translucent silk that i was to wear.

"It's beautiful, is this selecting that important" i asked my mother. She nodded.

"Yes it is, once you are selected, you are a concubine for all twelve princes," she said, grimly.

"All twelve?" i exclaimed surprised. "Yes all twelve of them, they will have to share but there will also be another three candidates, four including you."

I did not know that! i don't really want to be selected.

"Let's start the process," she said as she first settled the clothes down.

I stripped off my clothing and headed to the bath section. I used the rosemary soap and i used the grape scented shampoo. I always liked grape. To be honest, i liked to dress up and be pretty but that's just cause i'm a girl but i'll always end up making the dress dirty, i liked to play too.

I stepped out of the bath section and my mother helped me put on my robes. It was smooth and silky, it looked perfect so pretty.

I sat at my chair and looked at the golden mirror. My hair was straight and black. I liked my hair, it was smooth.

My mother combed my hair and she tied it, braiding it, doing all sorts of things to it and it was elaborately tied up all over my head.

"These pins that i am pinning on your head is my treasure, it was what your father gave me so take care of it," she said in a wise and sad tone.

I looked at the mirror and admired the work that my mother did to my hair. "Mother it's beautiful," i said softly.

"Your are the one that is beautiful. You look like a goddess." she said as i looked at her through the mirror. She was wearing a smile, a grim smile.

She turned me around and took out white powder. She helped me put on light make up, my eyelids were a shade of pink, red lips and on my forehead was my birthmark. It was the shape of a lotus flower, there was also another mark on my back, the shape of a big butterfly.

i couldn't tell the difference of my skin as i was pale from the start. "My dear, it is time for us to go," she said in a grim tone.

I kept silent but nodded my head.  we sat on the carriage. We were not rich but only middle rank so we could at least afford horses and carriages.

Mother grabbed my hand, "My child, in order to survive, you will have to be cruel, ruthless, you cannot have anyone stand in your way," she told me in a stern voice.

I nodded my head. "You must remember you cannot fall for them nor can you indulge in your own needs, the only thing that you need to do is be the best and survive," she continued.

This ride was the most suffocating one, it was hard, trying to control my tears. She was the one who took care of me, the one who raised me up. How could i bear to leave her alone? I'll be having all the good things once i enter the palace but what about my mother?

We arrived, i took a peek out of the window and the whole place was full with young girls and mothers bidding their goodbyes.

I stepped out of the carriage, along with my mother, then there was silence. The girls started whispering. So am i going to be the enemy here?

Then an eunuch walked forward, "You girls are to follow me!" he shouted,a great voice he had.

"Goodbye," i whispered to my mother and clutched her hand, tears threatening to fall, but this was not a good time to be crying.

"Remember my words, with your beauty you will pass," she said to me looking me in the eye. It truly is a contradi