(Request from anon)

You knock on the door to the hotel room, praying that this was the right place.  Every other member agreed that this was where he was staying for now.  They told you that he wanted to be alone while all this was going on, but there was no way you were just sitting still.

Once you heard the news, you were on the first flight to China to be there for him.  You didn’t know what you were going to do exactly, but you know you had to be there.  If he didn’t want to talk, at least you could be a supporting shoulder if he needed one.

Kris opens the door.  He looks like a mess.  His hair is messy and his clothes are in disarray and the look on his face...  He looks like a child who was told to stay inside while all the other kids were outside playing.  You feel a pang in your heart, seeing your boyfriend in such a state.  You hadn’t seen him in a couple months.  This was not exactly the reunion you were hoping for, but you would do anything for him.  Like drop everything and fly to China.

“Jagiya?”  His voice is quiet, but you can hear the surprise.

“Hey Kris,” you say, in the same soft voice.  You wrap your arms around yourself, looking down the hallway to see if any people are around.

“I didn’t expect to see you.”  He stands in the doorframe, one hand on the doorknob, the other rubbing the back of his neck.

“I know.  But I couldn’t stand staying at home while all of this was happening.”  You hear a door open a little ways down and a couple walks out of the room.  “Can I come in?”

Kris glances down the hall and then turns sideways bidding you to come in.  You pass by him and you can feel the stiffness in his body and the tension in the air.  You walk into the main room before turning to look at him.

Kris closes the door and ruffles his hair.  Now that the two of you were alone together, you could sense the stressful aura around him mixed with anger.

“I told you not to come,” he said not looking at you.  He stared at the wall, both of his hands in his back pockets and his shoulders tense.

“I know, but did you really…”

“I meant it!  I didn’t want you to come!”  He was yelling at you now.  He still didn’t look at you, slamming one hand against the wall.

You stare at him in shock.  You’re heart sinks in your chest and you feel sick.  Kris rarely yelled at you or got mad.  You felt like you were going to throw up as you stare at his back from where he turned away.

“I’m sorry,” you say quietly.  You take a couple steps toward him, feeling scared and hurt.  “I know you told me to stay home, but I couldn’t just let you go through this on your own.  The other members said…”

Kris turned and slammed both fists on the other wall of the front hallway.  “God, don’t talk about them!” he yelled.  His voice sounded desperate with hints of sorrow.  You couldn’t imagine the pain he was going through.  You slowly walk toward him.  You could now hear his heavy breathing and see the veins popping out in his arms as he tried to control himself.

“Sorry.  I didn’t mean to.  I was just saying that I couldn’t sit around when I knew that you would be fighting this alone.  I want you to know that I’m always here for you.”  You are standing next to him now.  You reach out and touch his arm. 

Kris turns around, grabs you by your shoulders and slams your back against the wall.  You are shocked at the action, but he didn’t hurt you.  His hands hold you against the wall and all you can see is the top of his head as he stares at the ground.  He grips you tightly, but not hard enough to bruise. 

“That’s what you always say,” he whispers.

“What?”

“You always said that, every time we would talk on the phone or text or write or whatever.”  He looks up at you with a pleading expression.  “You would always say that.  That’s why I worked so hard every day.  I wanted to make you proud and show you that I can be a great guy.  But now that’s all about to disappear.  How could I ever see you again after something like this?”

“Is that why you didn’t want to see me?”

“I didn’t want to be reminded of the person who means the world to me right as I’m about to lose everything I ever worked for.  How could I ever see you again?”  He repeats, voice cracking.  His grip was tightening on your shoulders, starting to hurt, but you ignore it.

Everything inside you hurt and burned with too many emotions.  You didn’t know what to do.  You didn’t have any advice for something like this.

Acting out of impulse alone, you cup Kris’ face in your hands and raise his head to meet yours.  You can see water in Kris’ eyes and he lips are quivering.  You’ve never seen him like this before.

“Do you know what that means?”

“What?”

“I’m always here for you.  Do you know what that means?”  You look into his eyes, but he looks away, trying to pull away from your hold, yet keeping you pinned to the wall.  “Kris, look at me.”

He looks back at you, a tear finally escaping down his cheek.  You wipe it away with your thumb.  “It means that no matter what happens I will always love you and I will always stand by your side.  Nothing can make me stop loving you.  I don’t care if you’re the biggest idol in the universe or the poorest man on earth, I will always love you the same way I do now.  And as of right now, I love you more than anything else.  You are everything to me.”  Kris’s tears were falling with a more rapid pace.  His grip started to loosen on your shoulders.  But you weren’t done.

“Do whatever you need to do, because I’m always here for you.”  You smile at the cheesy thought in your head.  You take you hand and put it above his heart, then take one of his hands and position it over your heart.  “You and me?  We are one.”

Kris cracks a smile behind his tears and wraps his arms around your waist burying his wet face in your shoulder.  Your bodies start sinking to the ground until Kris is lying in your lap, holding you tightly.  You his hair and hum his favorite song, until you feel his grip loosen as he falls asleep.