He had been nervous the whole ride long, thinking about all different kind of things. He hadn’t seen you for a whole year, would you have changed? How did you look? How had you been? He had imagined you standing in front of him, looking completely the same but still looking completely different. He was scared about going to you, scared that you wouldn’t want to see him and that you would run away from him. What if you would be angry at your mother for telling him where you were, he didn’t want to be the reason you and your family would fight. He just wanted this chance, this one opportunity for apologize for the horrible thing he had done to you. If you would listen to him for only five minutes then he would be the happiest man on earth. He was going to see his wife again, after missing her for so long, it was a dream coming true.
 

But it was hard now that the moment was coming closer, not to know how you would react to his presence. He would be so happy to see you again, but what if you hadn’t forgiven him yet, if you still hated him or weren’t ready to see him already? He tried to breath slowly and keep his heart beat under control as he gave the taxi driver the paper your mom had given to you with your address on. He hoped you were home, but if you weren’t he would wait for you. He would wait the whole day, even the whole night if he had to, if that would make him see you. The car ride seemed so long, it seemed as if it would never end. Every road that came, every house that passed, he wondered if that was it, if he could find you there. But each time he thought that the car just kept on driving and driving and with each second he was growing more nervous.

“Excuse me, how long until we’re there?” Joonmyun asked the man in the front of the car, no longer able to keep it in. He knew it wasn’t very polite to ask that, but he had to know how far he was still separated from you. “Another ten minutes.” The driver answered and Joonmyun leaned back against his seat, another ten minutes. He only had ten minutes left to figure out what he was going to say to you, how he was going to handle all of this. Was there even a good way for him to apologize for what he had done, how was he going to ask for your forgiveness? God, what was he going to say, just ‘hi, it’s me, your husband. It’s been a while hadn’t it?’ No that would be so stupid and careless. He wanted to show you that he had changed and that he was no longer the he used to be. He wanted to make a good first impression…Wait, he had already ruined that.

“We’re here mister.” He jumped a little and the driver shot him a weird look, and Joonmyun blushed a little before reaching out for his pocket and giving the man his money. He looked at out of the window and saw a nice little house, taken well care of and decorated with some flowers. It made him hesitant, would he do this? What if you were happy now and if he showed up he would ruin everything again? He didn’t want to make things even worse for you then he had already done. But if he wanted you back then he had to do this, there was no other way around it. He thanked the man before stepping out of the car and watching him drive away until he had disappeared out of sight. Then he looked at the door, the bell catching his attention. He could always try right, what did he have to lose? You were already gone anyway.

He walked to the door and before he had to chance to change his mind he pressed it in for a few seconds. When he heard some movement on the other side of it the thought of running away crossed his mind, but he couldn’t bring his legs to move anymore. When the door opened he held his breath, his heart rate shot up and his hands became sweaty as he tried to stand tall. “Can I help you?” A female with curly hair and round blue eyes asked. He blinked his eyes a few times and did his best to find his voice, it wasn’t you. “Uh…Y-yes…I-I’m looking for _________.” He stuttered and felt all his blood flowing to his cheeks as they turned bright red. She nodded and with a smile she opened the door a little wider and stepped aside so he could walk in. “She’s in her room, I’ll show you the way.” She suggested and he nodded as he followed her through the house. It wasn’t very big but that was what made this place so special. It was extremely cozy and it looked like a perfect place for you, you had always liked cozy.

“She’s in her room, I think she’s studying. Just knock and go inside, she won’t mind.” He bit his lip as she said that, he wasn’t that sure if you wouldn’t mind about him coming in. But he was already inside of your house now, he had already come this far, he couldn’t back out anymore. He was so close to seeing you, he could no longer leave without seeing you in front of him. “Thank you.” He mumbled shyly, would she know who he is? Would she know what he had put you through, probably not, otherwise she wouldn’t have let him in that easily. She smiled at him before turning around and disappearing out of the hallway into another room of which he assumed that it was the living room. He focused on your bedroom door, your name was painted on it in a pink color with flowers around it, it was really cute. Something stopped him from knocking, but he had to do it.

He carefully brought his hand up and hit the wood twice, very softly. “Come in!” He heard through the walls and his heart jumped in his chest, it was your voice. The one he had missed talking to him and the one that had always tried to say the right thing. The voice that would wake him up in the morning if his alarm clock had let him down, the one that would always try the cheer him up when he had been down. But also the voice he had always pushed away from himself, the one he had pretended not to hear. The voice he had ignored even though what it had said had always been right and good. He slowly reached out for your door handle, the metal feeling cold in his clammy hands and made him realize that this wasn’t a dream and that he was really only a few meters away from you.

He counted to three inside of his head and swallowed the lump in his throat before pushing it down and opening the door. You were sitting behind your desk, writing away on a piece of paper and marking words in your text books. It was only when the door opened that you looked up at him and your eyes met, the smile that had been covering your face dropped as you realized who it was…Joonmyun. You hadn’t seen him in a year, time had flown so fast. You had never stopped thinking about him though, how could you? When you saw him your hand reached up to the necklace you were wearing, where you had your wedding ring attached on. He noticed and some sort of relief washed over him, you were still wearing it, you hadn’t forgotten about him. The first few minutes passed in silence, with him standing in the middle of the doorway as you looked at each other.

Of course, after a year none of you had stayed the same, there were some changes. You had colored your hair and it was much longer, at this moment it was brought together in a high ponytail so it wasn’t in your way while studying. You were wearing an easy and comfortable sweater right now with some light blue jeggings that showed your curves. You had gained a little bit of weight, but not too much, just enough to give you a good looking . What you instantly noticed about Joonmyun was that he had lost weight, he looked a little skinnier now, too skinny for his own good. He looked pale and his clothes were hanging slovenly around his figure. His hair was pointing into all different kind of direction and it seemed knitted, you weren’t used to see that side of him. He looked like another person and it somehow worried you but you pushed that feeling aside.

“What are you doing here Joonmyun?” You asked, shocked to see him here. Last time you had checked he had no idea where you were and now he was standing here in front of you. He opened his mouth and then closed it again, he didn’t know how to explain himself. He was here now, he could see you, but now the words wouldn’t come out. You sighed as you looked down and saw his wedding ring around his finger, it made you frown. Why was he still wearing it? You had thought that he would’ve get rid of it as soon as you had been gone, he didn’t want to be married to you in the first place. “I…” He started and you looked back to his face, seeing him thinking about what he was going to say. You leaned back into your chair, waiting for him to start, it wasn’t you who had to say anything first. “I’m sorry.” He then quietly mumbled and looked down on his feet in shame. You sniffed and shook your head, did he truly think that everything would be alright because of a lame apology.

There were a few things you had learned since you had moved out and had left him, and one of those things was that you had been stupid. You had been a fool for staying with him for so long, for giving him so many chances and letting him break your heart over and over again. You had given him your everything, you had let him break you down until you had reached the bottom, and now that you were finally free you knew how blind you had been. You had been so deeply in love with the side he had barely shown you, so desperate to see that guy each day and still keeping your hopes up that he would change and one day would love you too, but he had never done that. It was too late now, because you had already realized that staying with him had been the wrong thing to do, you already knew that your love for him had been a big lie, your marriage with him was a big lie.

“I think you should leave.” You said and you saw the panic overflow him, his eyes became big and wide as he brought up his hands and shook them, trying to stop you from saying anything else like that and kicking him out. “Wait! Just, let me explain! It’ll only take five minutes, I swear, please?” He begged and you stared into his hopeful eyes, trying not to feel sorry for him as they looked sad somehow. But actually you were interested in what he wanted to say. Your mother had send him here, she had given him your address and had send him to you, which meant that something had caused her to forgive him. You wanted to know what made her change her mind and what had made her think that you would change your mind. “Alright, you get five minutes.” You mumbled and pretended to look at your watch to push him a little.

“I really am sorry for what I did to you! I was just like that because my parents made me marry you. I thought that if I showed them that we weren’t happy they would regret their decision, I just wanted to make them feel bad for what they had done to us and I though you felt the same. I never hated you, and I never meant the things that I said to you, they were all just a lie but I forgot to think about your feelings. I should have realized how much I hurt you and I should’ve apologized for all the things I did instead of being stubborn and pretending as if I hadn’t done anything wrong. I was a real and I know that now, I realized it when you left that I had crossed the line. I never gave up looking for you though, it took me a while but you’re mom told me where you were, I guess she got tired of me…” He mumbled and you frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Well, I actually went to your house twice a week to ask her where you were, and I did that for a whole year. It wouldn’t surprise me if she just told me everything because she didn’t want me to bother her anymore.” He explained with a weak smile. You on the other hand blinked your eyes in surprise, all this time he hadn’t stopped looking for you, that really blew you over. “I just…you have no idea how sorry I am, but I just wanted to tell you that that man you’ve been married to by now isn’t me. I’m not an and I’m not rude and cold as I’ve been to you all this time. I actually cared for you and I worried about you, I just didn’t show it and that was stupid of me. But the most idiotic thing I’ve done, or haven’t done is not telling you how much I appreciated everything you did for me, you may think I didn’t notice all the small things you did but I did. It’s stupid from me that I didn’t tell you how beautiful you were everyday and that I didn’t say how much I actually loved you. I’m the worst husband ever and I’m really sorry for putting you though all of that.”

You were looking at the wall next to his head, not capable of looking him in the eye because then you would cry. Even after all this time he was still able to touch your sensitive buttons and to make you feel vulnerable, you thought you had gone past that state now but you had been wrong. He still knew what to say to make you cry and he still knew how to touch you. But this time it wasn’t because he had said something bad to you, this time it was because he had finally told you what you had always wanted to hear. He loved you, he cared for you and he worried about you, the things you have always wanted him to do say. You just wished he hadn’t waited this long by saying it, back then you would have loved to hear all of this, but now it was only making things more difficult for you. “Joonmyun…” You started, wanting to refuse him, but he was faster than you and crossed the distance in between the two of you and reached out for your necklace, showing you your wedding ring in the palm of his hand. “Are you going to tell me that you forgot about me? You’re still wearing your ring, that must mean something right? Please ________-ah, I can me a good husband, you just have to believe me and give me another chance, please?” You looked up at him with teary eyes what were you going to do now?