(4)
A good in goodbye."Right before he went to America , he said that he had a heart disease to me and he said his parents only want the best for him , so they sent him to america for the surgery.He also thought that the best for you is to not know about this ,as the doctors there said that the chance was only 40 % for him to pass the surgery."
I still get shocked of what the fact i just heard and processing them in my mind.
I still can't response on anything.............
"And he gave me this letter which i should give to you if he didn't pass the surgery.,,,and he promised me if he survived the surgery… he would call you."Inna took a letter from her bag and place it in front of me.
"And then days passed by , you and i…haven't heard any news from him, which made me feel anxious about him,so i--thought he died…Also when i look at you.. i have no heart to say about this."she added ,i can see her face is pale right now.she looks guilty.
"Why don't you give the letter or at least told me something about his illness?Why Inna ???Why- didn't you leave me any traces about him ? WHY!"i screamed.i don't care if i am in a cafe full of people .i only need answers.
"I-- i couldnt do that nana .You always locked yourself in your room after school that time , you also said to your parents that you don't wanna talk to anyone and when you were okay ,then i brought chanyeol up you always got mad ..I thought that it would be best if i didn't say anything about this."her voice is trembling.she is nervous.
My hands are cold, i am freezing.
Who is she ,to think that way ?
Who is she to cover all this things for seven years ?
Who is she ?
"I know what i did was wrong ,i also know that you can't forgive me."she said.Then, she starts taking a piece of paper and pen .She is writing something."Its his address , you should meet him immediately ,he will leave to america tonight."she said and put the paper in front of me ,right beside the letter.Then,she packs her things and standing up .
I can't even see her , i am just too mad to see her face.
She has no rights to do this to me.,
to chanyeol….
But before she walks out she shoots me with another news"I tried my best to tell you on Facebook two years ago .But , i saw your photos with Baekhyun . I am sorry nana , i was too coward to tell you. Don't forgive me."and then she left with a blink of eye.
She is gone ...
I take the letter Inna gave me .My hand is still freezing , i can feel the sweat in my palm .I don't know what to do,seven years waiting , self questioning and here i am..sitting in front of the letter which i should have received seven years ago.
I am stupid i know..and its not all inna's fault though.I was so desperate back before and didn't mind anything else except my self and chanyeol.I go to school ,go back home and lock my self at my room thats my routine 7 years ago. I didn't give any space for anyone to fill , not even my parents or Inna.I know ,it made Inna so hard to tell me the truth .
I was so desperate seeking answers , while i was the one whom refused the answers.
I remember that i used to believe in myself that i did nothing wrong to chanyeol ,' I am the victim here' is what i believed . But now i know that Chanyeol is the one who is the victim here. If i hadn't get so desperate and let Inna to told me the truth , it wouldn't be like this.He wouldnt be pass this alone.
It must be harder for him and yet i always tried to blame him to made me easy.
Chanyeol…mianhae….
I slowly open the envelope and taking the paper out . I am starting to read..…the letter.
Dear My Love,
Nana….
I hope when you read this letter you already shed the tears on your cheek .It is seriously look ugly on you , so don't cry anymore okay?
Nana …the night when i said that i am going to america , you were shock right ? I know …how painful it looks .But oppa did it all for you , oppa just want to make sure that you won't think about oppa surgery too much.You should focus on getting to medical university okay !!!!
Nana…do you know how afraid i am right now ? When i arrive tomorrow in america , i will directly go to the hospital and get the surgery done.It is quite intimidating , also i hate the smell of the hospital .it makes me sick.
Nana…again …i am so afraid to be honest.The doctor said i only get 40 % chance to live .I possibly won't get it trough nana..thats what i am afraid of.And dont have the chance to tell you that you are the prettiest girl in the world .....it .
So let me tell you a story ..about me.
I got a heart disease since i was 5 years old.Doctor said its Con Heart Disease a heart abnormalities present at birth which makes my breath short , my fatigue small and if the disease getting severe they will cause a swelling around my eyes (Which is bad right ??? I have the best eyes i cant have swollen eyes).Doctor said i shouldnt be worry of this and just live like a normal boy.But ,nana… as years goes by,baby.... i feel my heart isn't that easy (the heartbeat beats so fast eventhough i dont do anything) .it keeps making me hard to be a 'normal' boy and i know my con heart disease is getting worse this year ….
Two months ago when you had that math competition out of town, when you were mad at me because i didn't go cheer for you.Do you remember ? when i told you that i felt asleep when i am supposed to be there , cheering for you ?
Yes that time…i lied.actually i went to the doctor to check my heart.And guess what the doctor said to me ?I think you will know the answer ,you are a smart girl,you are soon to be a doctor anyway..or in case you still dont know GOOGLE IT !
yes, he said i should get a surgery in two months or i will go to the heaven .(i hate the word 'die'.it represent sadness.but heaven is not…heaven is happiness)
Nana, i know that you will be mad at me…. i know that you will be dissapointed at me .That you won't be the first one who will get the news , Inna will.But i wish you understand the circumstances , i just don't want you to get worried.
dear nana….
Two days ago Inna confessed her feelings to me ,she said that she likes me and she wants me to be her boyfriend.Inna is a pretty and such a good girl but i already have someone else in my heart.So i said to her , that i love someone else and i said its you .
its never been someone else but you.
Inna said to me that i would be the best boyfriend for you ,Is that true nana ? haha.God knows..
And I'm planning to tell you this after i survived the surgery that i love you more than a best friend, i love you more than gu junpyo loves geum jandi , more than you love the money .I just can think of anyone else to love ...only you.
(In case you don't know , i already want to confess before but every time i ask you about boyfriend thingy you always talk about something else.I wonder you like a girl?:p)
But if i wouldn't pass , this letter would tell you the truth .:)
Nana… if you read this .It means I'm already happy and free .
So stop crying , okay ?
I love you , so i want you to be happy .
Even without me ......
(But if god let me to stay beside you , i will do it even it costs a day in a hell)
yours always,
Park chanyeol.
p.s sorry I'm at writing , but recorded a voice note ….i can't do that too.... I'm in a rush.sorry nana , be happy always okay !Dont let tears erasing your beauty.
I closed my eyes and feel the tears slipping down my cheek.
Chanyeol oppa………why didn't you call me if you survived the surgery ?
And instead of that ,i should know this from your ex-'death letter' ?
===
Guys .Tonight i will post two chapters in once ^____^
Please look forward to it and give a comment ..
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