"Do you still love me?" chanyeol asked me ," I know it is so sudden and i know i might startled you . But please answer this honestly so that before i go to america at least i have the honest answers from you." he said .

I understand him completely , the way i treat his is so ambiguious  and all the drama we have been trough which we never really gotten an answer needs to get done right now before he goes back to  states . But really ? Should he back to states right now ? When things are in crisis and i need someone like chanyeol the most ?

Is it love that i feel towards him right now ? Or is it just my egoism on him ?I don't know but at least i need to give him answer right ?

"I don't know chanyeol, with all of things happened to us and to me . i still like you of course you're the man i best friends with since years . but love ? i am  not so sure to be honest chanyeol --with baekhyun on my side can't say this."

his lips curled outside , his hand are now messing with my hair . "you know , i am still a man too ….you can't do this to me . Just say yes if you love me or not if you don't.please don't play another games on me"

"If i say yes , do i look like a bad girl ?" i asked him , i can see the giggles on him "I don't think so , i think you just being a honest girl , being in love is not a crime nana." he said .

How to say this , how to put this ? it is not like i don't love baekhyun , days with him, every things i did with him although at first i didn't love him but that love grows on me . And for chanyeol , i think i never really stop loving him not even when he didn't say any words on me when he went to america .

"If i say yes , would you stay ?" i asked him .

"If you say yes,there is no way i could leave korea ."

"So now , don't leave me then. "

I might regret my decision this night , but at least i say the truth . Though sooner or later it will both hurt either me or him , i wanna say it ..that i still love him.

---

Baekhyun

It is already six in the morning but , i am still can't reach nana . I try call her , text her , chat her , and even asking krystal but i still don't know where nana is . I know , things happened yesterday of course makes nana confused .Not only nana- but me too , i am still confused of everything and i still don't know whether  i should tell everything to nana or not .

Actually , when i met taeyeon after years--- my feelings , still not changing . I still hate her for leaving me without traces , for making me asking without getting answers , for making me broken and hurt .I know what nana was thinking about , who is taeyeon ? what is with baekhyun oppa ? what happen here ? would be what nana asked herself i bet .

I am a stupid man right ? I should have told Nana that i had a first love named taeyeon so this would not happen to us . I should have been brave enough to tell her my past stories ,  but i was just so afraid that she might be disappointed with the fact .

Look at what i done to myself and her and taeyeon .This is what punishment is for making a riddle in our relationship.

"have you liked someone else before me ?"asked nana in one night before we sleep.

"of course i was."

"Is she beautiful ?"

"She is ."

"More beautiful than me ?"

"Nana…."

"Hmm , did you love her or like her ?"

"Of course i was , i loved her very very much ."

"I see ."

"How about you nana ?You loved someone before ?"

"Yup ! it was in high school , he was my best friend !!"

"Really it must have been good having your best friend as your boy friend ."

"Not really , i never sad that i love him though--we never been in a relationship."

"Really ?"

"Yeah , never have the chance ."

"So unfortunate , but i am glad."

"Don't be like that , he left me and that was bad … it was hard for me to move on from him."

"You still love him ?Now ?"

"Hmmmm …… i think ?? maybe ?? or i just miss him thats all , i never see him since high school ."

"I need to work hard  so that i can beat him ."

"Silly , don't say that ! I look like a bad girl right now !"

"So how about you ? you still love your first love ?"

"Not really , it has been years since i met her and i was not really thinking of her ."

I lied.Although yeah i didn't really love her again but i was still thinking about her .

"Dont lie to me."

"She isn't worth my time anymore nana, my future is better without her ."