If you ask me, I shouldn’t be the one being punished. It should be Kyungsoo getting stared down by Jong In and my mom. He was the one who came downstairs unannounced asking me why I was down there when in fact it was his fault because he sat in my seat and ate my Chinese food.

All I wanted to do was eat my dinner in peace, alone in the darkness. I wanted to stuff my face, and find my own nirvana amongst the tiny grains of jasmine rice and fermented cabbage.

Though that wasn’t the big picture here, the greater threat to my own sanity and the safety of others was the fact that for almost nine hours no food was offered to the temple. My stomach was like a god who received no offerings, ultimately angering said god who then punished those who did not fulfill their duties as caretaker.

Kyungsoo was the temptation that stood between me and enlightenment. He had to scare me causing me to drop what I’d been looking forward to from the moment I could smell it cooking in the kitchen. He had to be punished for his actions so that’s how he found himself in my choke hold while I screamed into his ear all of the reasons why I hated him.  

“Now look young lady, you’ve been acting weird since you got home and I don’t know what it is but you need to stop,” My mom paced back and forth holding her temple as if I was causing a migraine, “We have a guest and these crazy little tantrums need to stop. You’re 19 years old, young lady so act like it. You are going to go and apologize to Kyungsoo and then you are going to clean up the mess you made and go to bed.”

“But he was the one who—“

“Jia, just do what mom said, it’s late.” Jong In stood up from his spot on the couch just beside the one I sat on. He reached out to ruffle my hair but I swatted him down before he could touch me. Nothing but my eyes moved to look at him, the look on my face must have been a feral one because he backed away with hands raised as I let out a low growl when in reality it was just my stomach.

“I cleaned the kitchen, Mrs. Kim. Jia doesn’t have to worry about it anymore.” Kyungsoo’s voice broke the tense atmosphere with a voice so deep and warm it could melt butter.

My mom let her hands fall to her sides as she approached Kyungsoo. She touched his shoulder as she surveyed the clean floor behind him, “Oh, you didn’t have to do that Kyungsoo.”

“No it was kind of my fault. I did scare her,” He saw me eying him with suspicion, “which I didn’t mean to do so I should be the one to clean it.”

“You’re too kind, sweetheart,” My mom’s voice dripped with admiration that I could almost see it spilling over her lower lip while she smiled but then again it could have been dried up saliva. My mom did drool in her sleep. “Jia what do you have to say to Kyungsoo?”

“Nothing.”

“Kim Ji Ah.”

“Sorry.”

“And?”

“I still don’t like you,” I muttered under my breath but Jong In heard and pushed my head back into the couch while chuckling.

“Jia please so we can all sleep.”

“Fine, thank you for cleaning up the mess,” I stood up throwing my hair back away from my face, “We good now? Okay? Geez.”

I stomped up the steps to my bedroom, deciding not to slam door because my dad was still asleep and slid down to the ground. They all had to side with Kyungsoo instead of siding with me, their own flesh and blood. What was so great about him anyways?

“He’s a guest,” I mimicked my mom’s voice scoffing at her declaration of his ‘guest’ status. Just because he was a guest didn’t mean I had to treat him any different than how I treat my brother. I whined quietly to myself, banging my head against the wall. I wasn’t even upset anymore it was just I went through all of that and I still didn’t get to eat.

“Ugh.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“Good morning!” Jong In greeted me at the bottom step by ruffling my hair while prancing away with a frozen waffle between his lips. My stomach hurt and the smell of food coming from the kitchen didn’t make it any better. Hunger made it easy to differentiate what was being made. There was coffee brewing, sausage in the microwave, and waffles in the toaster.

Dragging my feet into the kitchen, another beaming face greeted me, “Morning.”

Kyungsoo sat at the counter across from Jong In each of them dressed for the day while I still walked around in my pajamas. Their hair combed. Mine didn’t even get a decent finger come through.

“Ugh,” was all I had in me as I made my way to the freezer to get my own breakfast but when I opened it there was nothing in their but popsicles and uncooked meat. “Jong In?”

“Yeah.”

“Where’s my chocolate chip waffles?”

I shut the freezer to see both boys staring at each other with mouths shut but their jaws moving. Quickly scanned the counter I noticed there was nothing but crumbs on their plates when my head darted to the trashcan to see that peaking over the rim was a box of frozen waffles.

“Oops,” Jong In turned slowly while Kyungsoo lowered his head, that kid was grinning. “Kyungsoo must’ve ate the last one…ha ha.”

My hands shook while my lips quivered. He was doing this on purpose I could see it when we met eyes. His eyes glimmered with satisfaction while mine stormed with rage. He lips shined from the left over syrup while mine twitched from the lack of.

 I was at my ends and all I wanted to do was cry, but I didn’t. Instead I let out a long and heavy sigh while taking my leave towards the stairs. Before I could get far I heard Kyungsoo ask, “Should I be worried?”

It took me a few minutes to get ready but as I pranced down the steps I saw Kyungsoo and Kai watching me from the couch and smiled, “I’m going to by some food and be right back.”

Both seemed hesitant to say anything which made it all the more fun to smile right back at them even though I wanted to hit one and decapitate the other.  They exchanged discreet glances with each other before Jong In spoke, “Hey sorry about breakfast, Jia. We’ll make it up to for lunch okay?”

“Oh don’t worry about it,” I skipped over to the couch Jong In sat in and slapped on his shoulder giving it a squeeze, “oppa.”

The funny thing was I only used that term of endearment when he was about to get hurt. “Consider yourselves forgiven. I’ll be back soon. I love you.”

Bowing to the two older boys, I slipped on my shoes and exited the house pulling out the cash I stole from Jong In’s stash he secretly kept from mom and dad. It wasn’t much but it was enough to buy me a nice breakfast.

*~*~*~*~*~*

It was dinner time and despite my determination to carry out my protest, my mother dragged me out of my room and sat me at the table beside her. Dad was out working late so that left the chair across Kyungsoo free.

He didn’t look at me when I sat down nor did Jong In. My little act this morning must’ve instilled an unsaid fear into the two boys that and when I returned home with my breakfast leftovers I made to clear as day to them that if either of them touched it they would end up smelling like soy sauce and fish sauce mixed together.

I smiled to myself as I spread my napkin across my lap and waited for my mom to bring the food. Which to my (not so) luck was beef, my favorite, “Jong In said to make this to make it up for breakfast.”

“Did he now?” I shot him a forced grin which he returned with two thumbs up.

“I know it’s your favorite sis.”

I my lips watching the wisps of steam roll of the meat while my mom handed me a plate with rice and vegetables, “Eat up.”

I planned on it and reached for the spoon for the beef when, “Here you go Kyungsoo.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Kim.”

I stopped and looked at the boy across from me who stared back patiently. His eyes were so pretty under the dining room light and I hadn’t noticed how amazing he looked with his hair styled up. He wore a black shirt too that looked amazing against his skin tone and his eyebrow rose ily as his lips upturned into a smirk before transforming into a disarming smile. I almost choked on my own spit when I handed him the spoon, “Here.”

Here take the spoon and while you’re at it take my heart.

I sunk a little in my seat with my head bent down. I suddenly felt shy and self conscious. Taking my chopsticks I pushed around my food picking up a few tiny pieces of broccoli to pop in my mouth.

“Honey, here get some beef. Don’t be shy, we all know it’s your favorite.” My mom passed me the plate and dumped a large heap of meat onto my own dish. A wave of sesame oil hit my nose and aroused me to sit up and pay attention to the glossy pieces of finely cut beef. I wanted to devour it but refrained from doing so because every time I looked up Kyungsoo was looking right back at me.

“Okay.”  

I took a tiny piece of meat and paired it with an even smaller portion of rice. I raised it to my mouth catching a whiff of how great it smelled before putting it in my mouth. My taste buds were enthralled by the harmony of seasonings that I couldn’t help but let out a moan. I covered my mouth faster than I could think causing Jong In to glance over at me, “You okay?”

I nodded as I continued to chew while more moans threatened to escape my clamped lips. The food was so good and warm that it brought me the utmost pleasure. Forgetting my shyness, I took a larger scoop of beef and shoved it in my mouth all the while letting out a shameless whimper of pure ecstasy while I shut my eyes and let the food take me to a flavor high.

“It’s that good, huh?” My mom looked over at me proud of her own dish, I nodded still lost in my own high but when I opened my eyes once I swallowed I noticed everyone looking at me.

I suddenly grew fearful and shy. My own worst fears coming to mind, I might have just figuratively ed to food in front of family and Kyungsoo.

Gulping down another chunk of embarrassment, my cheeks soon swelled with heat and blood that I might have been as red as the wine my mom was drinking. “Yes, it’s very good like always.”

She laughed happily my compliment meaning the world to her. I tried my best to cool my body down when I made the worst mistake by lifting my gaze towards the boy across from me.

I watched how his neck moved as he swallowed and how his lips curled in before he them and cracked the tiniest of smiles. He shuffled the food on his plate and stopped slightly raising his gaze to me when both of us stared at the other. Our eyes searching the other, wavering back and forth, before finally meeting in the middle, I gulped. Taking in all of the man in front of me, I took in a shaky break, “You have rice on your chin.”

And he did, it was small though but still.

Kyungsoo reached to touch his face and felt the small grain. He let out air through his nose while his eyes crinkled and his heart shaped lips upturned to show off a look that did more than the food to arouse something inside of me that made me whimper.   

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

*whimpers* 

ugh just...so handsome