“Hello this is Kim Minseok i cannot get to the phone right now so please leave a message and I will get back to you as soon as I can and please remember to leave your name and phone number, bye!”

The voice mail boomed into my ears. Not giving up I call once again. And again two rings then his freaking voice mail can be heard.

And so I try over and over again but no use he doesn’t answer.

At my 20^th attempt I start to feel irritated. Like I understand you are feeling angry, betrayed, outraged, terrified ….

Ok he has a right not answer my calls. But he makes me feel uneasy. Cause my brain is starting to imagine all these wild things such as him committing suicide or him coming and shooting Chen. Getting Goosebumps I shake my head trying to shake off these imaginary scenarios out of my head and into the trash.

Grabbing a bottle of banana milk from the grocery bag I began to think of possible places he might went to as I struggle to open it. He might have gone back to his base in the military. He might have gone to his favorite coffee shop. He might have gone to his parents’ house. “He might have gone to our house” I say as I lower the banana milk bottle from my lips. Thinking about Minseok sitting in our empty apartment all alone feeling such negative and false feelings.  Made me feel empty too and made my eyes teary and my cheeks damp. Soon my quite tears became loud sobs. Clenching into my chest my sobs can’t be stopped. My throat felt dry but still having the strength to let the sound of the sobs echo through the small room.

In a blink of an eye I was held secure in Kai’s arms as I got surrounded by the EXO-K members. Concerned glances were exchanged between them. Looking at each other as if they were talking between each other they left the room one after the other and I was left to sob into Kai’s chest with Chanyeol patting my back. Feeling slightly soothed and peaceful my loud sobs began to decrease in the volume. After several more sobs I became quite trying to even out my breathes.

Being cautious and really careful kai asks: “have you talked to Minseok hyung?”

I shake my head slightly listening to his heart as if it was my lullaby.

Chanyeol leans closer to me as if he wants to keep the thing he is going to say a secret between the three of us “Hwan, Chen told us everything that happened we are trying our best to track Minseok Hyung. Don’t worry and rest a bit. We will try our best to bring peanut’s father back.”

As if on cue the lids of my eyes became heavier with one last hum of agreement I fall into sleep.

Kai lays me down on my bed then Chanyeol covers me. Both of them step out of the room leaving me to rest.

Blinking as my eyes trying to adjust to lighting in the room. I wake up from my nap. Stretching I recall what happened and panic fills my body. Not giving a care about how I look like I shuffle quickly to the living room to hear if there are any news from Minseok. Reaching the living room I see all the members scattered.

“Did you find Minseok?”I say as I hold my head I feel a bit dizzy cause I got up and ran real quickly that my body didn’t have time to get used to the movement.

“Are you ok?”Sehun is the first to get up. He holds my waist and directs me to the couch so I could sit.

“Yeah I’m alright bit dizzy. Now answer my question have you found Minseok?”

“Yeah he is” Sehun stops talking looking around as if he is questioning if he should say it or not

“In your house” Baekhyun completes the sentence.

When he said that I felt my heart break a little and my mind went back to an image of Minseok sitting alone in our house crying from false feelings. Not letting my feelings get the best of me I look over to Luhan and say determinately “take me to see him”

All of them stare at me shocked “are you sure it’s the right thing to do Hwan?” Lay asks

“Yeah I’m positive” I respond confident building inside of me

“Alright I’ll take you to him” Luhan says as he gets up to get his car keys.

“Luhan” says Suho as he warns Luhan not to do it.

“Sorry Suho not this time I cannot let my best friend live in lies and look at Hwan as she gets sadder by the second” he says as he snatches his keys

“Luhan I’m warning you” Suho says in such strict tone.

Luhan looks at Suho right in the eye and says “if not for them do it for their goddamn baby” he storms up to me drags me by my wrist as both of us leave the dorm and sit in his car.

“Luhan” I put my hand on his shoulder he looks at me “thank you” I whisper as I offer him my first smile for this afternoon. His features lighten up as he reflects my facial expression.

Three minutes later we are on the road heading towards my house. Finally feeling conscious about my appearance I look at the side mirror and try to make my appearance more dignified. Luhan sneaks a peek at me and laughs “you look alright”

“I look like a trash can” he laughs even louder now

“You look” he stopped to find the word to describe me “presentable”

Glaring at him I re-do my pony tail to look more presentable than I do at the moment.

15 minutes later we are parked in front of my house. Hands are shaking throat is tightening I feel suffocated knowing that the love of my life that I unintentionally hurt is terrified for our future in there. Holding my breath I open the car door and step out. Not wanting to look back at Luhan I close the door and start walking slowly towards our house. I can hear a window roll down and Luhan wishing me luck. But why does his voice sound so distant. Maybe because the sound of my heart beat is drowning everything else. Standing in front of the door I pray that everything will be alright for Peanut.

Opening the door I can see Minseok just sitting on the couch the same spot I sat on 3 months ago. Holding a pregnancy test in his hand staring at it. His gaze is so strong I can imagine him burning a hole into it. Closing the door behind me I tip toe toward him slowly as I stand in front of him I can see the tears that are rolling on his cheeks endlessly. Feeling as if someone ripped my heart out of its place I fall into the ground on my knees in front of Minseok letting a shaky whisper of his name leave my lips. He looks at me his eyes showing no soul in them.

I try to grab his hand as he pushes me away. I try to reach out for him but he stands up planning to run away. As tears start to roll down my cheeks I squeak out “He is yours”. That makes Minseok freeze in his place. Still kneeling in my place I stare at the ground as I say in a louder voice “this baby is yours”. Not believing me he whispers “liar”. Not believing what he just said I stand up and go stand right across of him “no I’m not a liar” not wanting to look at me Minseok turns his head away.

“Minseok look at me” I say in a whisper. He shakes his head refusing to look at me.

“Minseok please just look at me. Look into my eyes” I say pleading him. Finally he looks at me.

“I will never ever cheat on you. You are the love of my life. What you heard today wasn’t the whole conversation just apart of it. I would never ever replace you” taking his hand I put it on my small bump “this here is your child. Our child either you want it or not. Not Chen’s child but yours” looking at his eyes so he could see how sincere i am when saying this “Minseok I love you and nothing in the world is going to change that. Even if I hit my head and lose my memory my heart will always sail to you” still gazing into his eyes I can see his wavering.

“Hwan” he says finally speaking. I nod to encourage him to continue speaking.

“My heart believes every single word you say. But my mind my mind is having a hard time believing it. If you are pregnant from me when did this happen? Why didn’t you tell? When were you planning to tell me? And why did you hug Chen?”  

“Ok I’ll explain but first let’s sit I’m feeling tired” we both go sit on the nearest couch.

“Alright I got pregnant from you on that weekend you got off for military” I tell him as I blush.

“I didn’t tell you” I stop talking. Being torn if I should I tell him the truth. Knowing deep inside I should because I have nothing else beside the truth. “Because I was afraid that you might not want the baby” I said lowering my ashamed of myself.

“why wouldn’t I?” he responded in the calmest way I ever heard him respond tilting my  head I can see him being a little in ease with a small smile drawn on his face .”The love of my life is carrying my child. Who wouldn’t be thrilled to hear that” he speaks to me as I see my old Minseok appearing bit by bit.

“I was planning to tell you when you are discharged so I can see your true reaction cause I can’t see that over the phone” I say holding his hand “and I hugged Chen because I’m a pregnant woman who can’t control her feelings for god’s sake” I say cracking a small smile as I hear my favorite sound which is Minseok’s laughter

Looking at him I smile “so are we ok now?” I ask hope dangling from my sentence.

“Of course we are I would never be mad at the mother of my child” he says spreading his arms inviting me for a hug. And in a matter of second I was in his embrace listening to his heart beat as tears roll down my face for the millionth time today. Backing away from his hug I look at his eyes then my eyes flicker to his lips I ask shyly “can i?” He nods shyly then I come closer to him and steal a kiss from the lips I missed. Backing away from the sweet kiss both of us look at each other blushing madly as if we are teenage lovers who just shared their first kiss.

Looking at him I whisper again” I love you”

He looks at me and whispers back “I love you too” then Minseok gets down on his knees. Being on the same level as my tummy he pats it a little and whispers shyly “hello there my son or daughter this is daddy talking you I hope you are growing up well in mommy’s belly I can’t wait to see you I love” he then comes closer to my tummy and gives it a small peck. Seeing that melted my heart.

I just wished I could frame this moment forever.