Okay, I know. It's hard to accept. It's just kksdksfbsf even I can't accept it.

Our Jjong will not be coming back. Forever.

It's just hurts.

I cried today a couple of times. I just, I don't know it's really hard to accept that he's not coming back.

But the one thing that really made me cried is because he just didn't die, he chose to end his life and out of depression. 

I just felt bad and couldn't imagine him being alone and suffering all by himself. 

I wish I was there for him even as a friend, I wish I listened to all his problems and tell him that it's alright that he worked hard that he's enough and that, he doesn't need to prove anyone anything. I wished I watch all his recent MVs and made him feel that his hard work paid off.

I just- I felt like I've lost a loved one like part of me also disappeared. Part of my childhood also disappeared.

He became a part of my childhood. Boy, I couldn't imagine enjoying my early teen years without him. It was one hell of a ride. I just want to thank that guy for bringing me happiness even if the world doesn't want me to; even if he doesn't knew me personally and I just met him through my computer screen.

Depression.

Boy, I've been there. Goodness, I admit there were dark times that I want to end up my life and the worst thing is I couldn't tell anyone knowing no one would understand. Maybe that's why I'm hurting too much for him because it's so relatable. That dark place is so dark you don't know how you'll be out. But whenever this dark shadow came past me, I always tell myself I have a dream. I still want to do so many things. I need a reason to live.

So for all the shawols and all the people out there suffering with depression, pleease please please talk to me. I'll listen! And know that, you are all beautiful and that this 'dark shadow' doesn't have power over you. 

And for our Jjong, I know it became hard, our angel. Rest now and you will be forever in our hearts. Thank you for all the laugh, the tears, the memories, the everything! We love you. And you worked hard. Rest now in heaven.