i quickly look to the other side, sitting facing the balcony fence. i dont want him to see how much i cried and shed my own tears will make it more obvious. GD come closer to me and sit beside me while his back leaning on the balcony fence. "there's many more reason to smile jen ah, forget about it.. didn't you happy i'm here?" "of course i am! but i just remembering some bad memories.." he looked at my phone, trying to reach for as fast as he could it but i stop him halfway "yaah! dont touch my phone!" "aahh.. so there's a text or a phonecall that make you sad? who is it, a guy? your boyfriend?" he looked sneaky, kinda push me to tell him about everything "oppa i wont tell you know.. im not ready. and beside, i dont have a boyfriend. i will cry again if you keep asking" "okay, okay.. no more asking. hmmmm.. aren't you hungry? let's cook some bbq, i have grilling station in crayon balcony! i'm a good griller , dont you know?" his voice tone cheer up a bit, clearly he is trying to make me happy again. he stand up and gives me his hand, i take his hand and stand up while smile weakly "gomawo oppa.." he pat my head again and smile, we both walk to crayon together in silence.   as we enter crayon room, my heart feel lighter. this room decoration is so cool, it is really GD style "you can sleep here tonight, i will sleep on this love room. you like it here?" i nod excitedly..  i play bigbang song from my phone and we start to prepare some bbq ingredients "which bigbang song do you like?" i cant help but chuckled.. GD looked confuse "no i dont mean to insult..sorry.. but it feels awkward being asked by the artist himself which of his song i like the most, but i really like stupid liar" "why?" i roll my eyes, trying to think wheter i should tell him the truth or not "because everytime bigbang singing that song at the concert, you come closer to me" "ahh.. i understand, because that part was our turn to walked nearby the fans, right?" i nod "thats weird, usually people said bad boy or fantastic baby when i ask them the same question, but you choose stupid liar.." "special memory, special song.."   we continue cooking in silent, i marinated some beef in soy sauce and give it to GD who is on duty to grill. he is a really good griller like what he said, it seems easy but it need a soft skill, wrong timing it can be bitter or even still raw. but he cooked it just perfect. the next 30 minutes we already sit in the balcony for our early lunch "please eat a lot! i cooked a lot for you today" "thank you oppa.." i smile wholeheartedly.. for a moment i forgot about everthing.. "sorry i didnt mean to peek you in the balcony.but when i search for you inside crayon i really couldn't find you..then i look around and i saw the balcony door opened. and you're there cry your heart out. you must be feel better now, right?" "yeah.. like half of my pain already wiped away by all the tears. its funny.." "because you realize there's nothing that change?" i nod "except my tears.." "it's a sign that you already let it go. like i said, it doesn't worth your tears.." "like you letting kiko go?" oops i bleep it out. somehow i feel more comfortable with GD, it starts to feel like he's a closed friend of mine, not my long distance idol.. so i can talk casually to him. he almost chocked by my question "aigo my noona, how far she told you about kiko?" "that you both break up.. couple of months ago" he exhale deeply "it's our decision.. we can't take it anymore. it's start to feel tiring instead of feeling loved. it's kinda hard to mantain this long distance relationship, and we start to argue more that care to each other. so we ended it up.." there's a quick silence after that, i can hear the wind goes bye.. "how is she now?" "i dont know.. but im sure she's fine.. she's a really independent lady, she knows what she wants" "i really hope you guys can make a way back to each other.." "i wish jen, but that's not possible.. we didnt talk anymore even we have the same circle of friends" he looked sad.. he can be the awesome G-dragon who is the stage swagger and true performer, but he also just a kwon ji yong, a loving and soft hearted man who loves his small circle of special people more than anything else and can also feel loneliness. im about to open my mouth saying something back when my phone ringing   oh no. it's a facetime call from luhan... i let it ring, i dont want to pick it up now.. maybe if i let it ring, he will stop but i