“What the  are you trying to do Seungho?” Byunghee cursed here n there while flinching out the mirror flakes that sticking onto of Seungho’s hand. “Tried to kill yourself? Why dont you tell me so i can help you in the progress. It will quick, clean and i bet you won’t feel anything!”

Seungho stayed quiet. He tuned out Byunghee’s complaints. I won’t feel anything. Yeah i wish i can numb myself so that i can’t feel anything.

“Seungho, are you ok?”

A light soft voice brought Seungho’s mind back to reality. Feeling dizzy, he looked upon the door. There, SeoYeon standing besides Joon at the door way. Mir and Thunder’s head are popping from behind. None of them dare to come to the now messy room. Scattered mirror and an irate Seungho is not good combination to challenge for.

Seungho gave ‘what-the-hell-does-she-doing-here?” look to Byunghee. The later shuddered a bit from the look but then just shrugged his shoulder off.

“I dont know how to take care these wounds Seungho, so i called her”. He said with a faltered voice at the end of his speech. Slowly he raised and with both hands inside his pockets, Byunghee nodded to SeoYeon and raided the other guys off the room.

He grabbed Mir’s back collar when he still standing there stubbornly. To his wit, Mir refused to be dragged along and since he has grown up so much (oh yeah, 20kg of pure muscles and getting taller for at least 10cm! Byunghee wonder what has Seungho shoved to this little kid that makes him growth so fast. Steroid maybe? Who knows?), soon Byunghee started to panting heavily and resulted with Joon lifting Mir’s feets and Cheondoong shoved a banana to his mouth to stop the maknae yelling.
 

A mighty pain to love it is,
And 'tis a pain that pain to miss;
But of all pains, the greatest pain
It is to love, but love in vain.
Abraham Cowley

There are stars, that twinkling up in the stars so brightly. With their diamond like shines that spread across the sky, they make people admire them for their beauty, for their mighty, and for their independency.

Many people have fallen for them. Many literatures tell glory stories about them. Many researches have been conducted to satisfy human thirsty needs to know them more. They’ve drawn your attention for none has beat stars in the whole wide space.

Unlike planets or satellites, they don’t have any urgency to walk on a particular orbit surrounding other objects. Unlike moon, they don’t need others to make them shine. They already naturally radiate their own brightest light that outshone others. And unlike comets, they didn’t get burned when they come across each other. They burned others that come too close to them. For they are hot, those extremely bright and hot sparks of them make you need to wear shades and covers just to see them from a far. They give force for people to live with.

And amongst these bright burning stars, there lies frozen stars.

Lately known as black holes, there’s nothing more mysterious object in space-and more psychologically menacing- than a frozen star.

Formed when a massive star burns out and collapses upon itself, it produces an ultimate gravitational energy that is so prevails not even light can escape from it. Although physicists can infer their existence in space, they cannot directly perceive them.

Once you get in, you can’t get out.

That is what this broken man to SeoYeon.

Knowing fully what destiny has awaited for her, she gathered all her courages and came closer to him.
 

For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these, “It might have been...”
John Greenleaf Whittier

“Hye-Jung my dear, what else is it that you looking for?” BoRam sighed as she spilled out the stories of her and Seungho,”most girls would kill to have HyunJoong, why bother looking at someone else? Someone you barely know?”
“I don’t know, it just feels like we matched.” HyeJung pouted. “Maybe it’s his way when he looks at me, maybe it’s his way of speaking with me, I can’t stop looking at his lips knowing how it would taste…”
“You naughty ert old lady!” laughed BoRam but she can’t hold her curiosity as well “Is it that good? it does looks so damn y.”
HyeJung shot her a look “Now, who’s the ert one?”
“Aigoo.. jealous much eh? Kekekeke..” BoRam giggled while patting HyeJung’s head.

HyeJung blinked back tears when she recalled that conversation. Being a close friend to her and knowing her full story with HyunJoong, she feels the urge to tell her about Seungho. She needs her clear set of view because you know, love is blind. But BoRam scoffed at her. She said love has its own eyes to see, it’s not blind, it just doesn’t mind.

BoRam said, that is what happened to them. Seungho fully knows HyeJung’s position with HyunJoong, he acknowledged it, he just doesn’t mind. HyeJung knows HyunJoong would rage at her seeing Seungho behind his back, she fully understands that what she’s doing is wrong, but she doesn’t mind. HyunJoong definitely angry at HyeJung and Seungho for disregarding his position, but he won’t let HyeJung go, even though he does not forgive her, he still wants her in his life, and that makes him doesn’t mind.

She said, she understands how her feeling at the moment, but she has to snap the heck out of it and back to her reality, which is with HyunJoong.

It’s not that HyunJoong lacking of something. But Seungho has just brought her new feeling she doesn’t even know how to describe it. She remembered the day when they first met. JiHoon has highly praised his new boyband and eager to show them to her. She’s been told that the leader of the new band is going to be a bomb for his marvelous talents, so she was in awe seeing the person by herself because the said person doesn’t seem to be outstanding as he very well reserved and has this laid back attitude, although he’s indeed good looking, and oh yeah those lips…

“Excuse me noona, are you a cashier?”
HyeJung blinked in disbelief. This newbee has just mistaken her for a cashier? What the..
“No, I’m not. Why?”
He chuckled, “Then, why are you checking me out?”
HyeJung can feels her cheeks blushing.
“It’s okay, noona” he assured her, “you don't have to stop staring” he said non-chalantly his lips and continued “that just means you’re interested.”
Oh boy! That kid surely has the guts to say so. But she really doesn’t mind him being that blunt at all.

“Why didn’t you reply my emails?”
“I’ve caught a virus while browsing last week. It prevents me to open any application on my notebook,” HyeJung sighed “HyunJoong said he’ll send someone tomorrow to pick it up and have it repaired.”
“What kind of sites are you browsing in? Adult sites? Kekekeke” His laugh sounds so beautiful even though his words are harsh and he continued with his usual dictating tones. “Bring it over! I’ll see what I can do for you”.

So she dropped by their dorm bringing her laptop in. Caught some whistling from Byunghee that made her blushed deeply red before that stache-dol earned a deathly glare from the leader that makes him fled the room as soon as he can. I’ts weird of how could his dangerous look seems to make him ier. HyeJung snapped the thought out of her head as he turned back the laptop to her. Cleaned.

“How in the world you could do that?” she said in awe.

He leaned back and shrugged “Just things I happened to know.”He smiled widely seeing her started busy working on her laptop opening her schedule. “Hey, you could just say ‘thanks’ you know!”

HyeJung shot him a look.
“Well, Thank you!”and she continued with her most serious tone “but you should not speaks that comfortably with me. I’m your noona by 7 years”.

That shot didn’t have the intended impact on him as he chuckled to laugh.
“Are we going to start this Bella-Jacob fight over their age things on Twilight? i can just go lessen your age by ten years because you’re so small and you don’t know anything about computer”.

That laugh is surely contagious because she started to laugh as well.
“Hey, I thought you didn’t like that sort of stories?”

“I didn’t, but my ex-girlfriend adore it. So I knew a little bit of it”

HyeJung stop laughing. His ex-girlfriend. She wonders who she is, how she looks, she must be pretty and fresh since she much younger than her, someone that would matched him well. She wonders how he treated her, if he ever kissed her… that thought made her feels miserable.

“Why the long face noona?”

She looked at him and smiled at his honorifics.
“I was just thinking.., no offense though” she assured him in hurry “the word around is that you have some special power. It seems you can make a girl pass out when you kiss her.”She said as she tried her best to conceal her own thoughts of it.

He astounded and looked at her puzzled.
“Why.. how..” he stumbled over his own words before he straighten up as he realized something. “Byunghee isn’t it?”he asked.

“So its not true?” HyeJung continued to press him over. She likes the way how he look disturbed at the moment. Before she realized that he looks at her intensely

“Are those fake eyelashes?”

She surprised at the sudden change of the topic and to see his face that close to her. Too close. She blinked in astonishment to see that gorgeous lips so close to hers.
“No, they are my own...”

“Close your eyes so I could see”.

And she did, closed her eyes.

The next things she knew, she felt that pair of lips on hers.

The kiss made her head spin around and left out a soft sighed before she kissed him back. ‘I don’t mind die right now since I’m in heaven already’ she think. The world seems twirled over them and she wished the time would stopped at that single moment, when only the two of them that matter. But to her disappointment, he broke the kiss too soon.

Chest heavily breathing, he stepped back. He seems to fought over his self before finally words reached his plump red mouth

“This is not right.”

At that, HyeJung slapped him. She stomped out of his room carried her laptop, tears were falling on her cheeks. Part of her was glad for the kiss, part of her was deeply embarrassed by Seungho denial of wanting the kiss, and there’s another part of her that nagging her thought of HyunJoong.

He’s right.
This is not right.

Chapter 20
Why Can’t I Just Love Her?

Seungho looks at Sooyeon who now is cleaning his wounds. She sighed at how he supposed not to damage his hands as they are so precious and can bring happiness to people when he played piano with. She said that if only she knew he was that mad and wants to break something, she would run over and break things for him and have the wounds instead of seeing him covered in blood like this. She is crying saying those things while tend his hands carefully, kissed and put the bandaged hands on her fine pale cheeks.

He never see her this sad before. He brushed her cheeks gently, wipe her tears away.
“I have had a really bad day today and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. So, would you please smile for me?” he asked.

Sooyeon raised her head and managed to break a weak smile for him

That is the saddest smile Seungho ever seen of her. Why can’t I just love her? He brings his self close to her and kissed her tight.

His mind is blank, and she didn’t fight for herself.

He wished she would stop him, but she didn’t. As he lied her down to his bed, he hope she knows what she’s doing, since he didn’t...
 

Mir looked at the clock on their wall and glanced over their leader’s room for the mpth times that night. He can’t believe his hyungs are enjoying the TV since it’s a pretty much show. He’s tired and just wants to go to his room after days sleeping on the couch.

“Byunghee-Hyung, why SooYeon Noona has not come out yet? It’s pretty late and I’m so tired,” he whined.

Cheondoong looked over his shoulder at the maknae. He does look tired.
“Use my bed!” he offered him genereously “I’ll just sleep on the couch tonight”

Mir rubbed his eyes and get up walking to Cheondoong’s room as he continued mumbling
“Thanks Hyung, I wonder what they’re doing inside that took them so long”

“That my friend, is what I called wounds healing” Byunghee said calmly sipping his coffee.

At that, Joon spurted his coffee at the TV set.