So far, tonight was right up there at the top of my list of ‘most memorable nights’, to say the least. As Junho and I talked and ate on the patio of a garden restaurant in the heart of Gangnam, I couldn’t help but feel the perfect combination brewing between the two of us. The hope in very glance shared between us, and warmth in our laughter, slowly created perfect ambiance for learning each other.

   He took the news of my occupation a lot better than I had anticipated.

   I grinned at the way Junho’s cheeks flushed from more than just the champagne he sipped on as I had confessed that I did, in fact, take off my clothes for money. Usually, I wasn’t embarrassed about my choice, but I couldn’t help being nervous, until he looked up at me with unusually large eyes and then laughed. “I’d . . . like to see that, sometime.”

   “I’m sure you will.” I couldn’t help letting a bit of my ego show.

   He rolled his eyes and returned to his drink. “Don’t go getting cocky on me now.”

   “Well, I do have a .”

   “Well . . . so do I~” Our laughed erupted simultaneously, and once again, I found myself biting my lip as Junho covered his face with one of his hands and whined. “Jeez, why can’t I think of anything amazing to say to you?” He looked up as if he expected me to be able to answer, but all I did was shrug my shoulders.

   “And here I was thinking I was gonna make a fool of myself over you.” I admitted quietly.

   He looked down at his lap, like he was shy, or maybe it was just that he was equally as fearful as I was that this was too good to be true. “You don’t ever have to worry about that,” Junho assured me. “I really like the person you’ve shown me, so far. I feel like I can trust you.”

   “See, you’re not playing fair – Didn’t you just tell me not to get too cocky?” I reached out to touch his hand, thankful when his palm happily welcomed my fingers and I held his soft hand as I looked him directly in the eyes with a smirk. “But then you go and say things like that, and I can’t help but feel confident enough to hold your hand like this.”

   “Do you plan on making me yours?” He asked quite bluntly. As reserved as he was, he was straightforward and obviously didn’t like beating around the bush. I appreciated that.

   “If you’ll accept me.”

   “Before I say yes,” Junho stared back at me for such a long time that my worries started to return. Like he was studying my face thoroughly, our hands still linked and before long, he pushed his empty champagne glass towards me. “I’m gonna need another glass.”

   With a wide smile, I picked up the bottle from the bucket of ice it was resting in, pouring another glass of the sparkling drink into his cup. “It’s good, isn’t it?”

   “Amazing!” He corrected me, giggling so sweetly. “I’ve never been spoiled like this, so I have to admit . . . I kinda like it.”

   I knew in my heart, that smile was something I wanted to possess, to show off to the world. I wanted to see it every day. If I wasn’t sure of it before, I knew now, that this was most definitely the beginning of love.

After we left the restaurant, I took a chance and drove home, not that I was expecting anything, but I didn’t quite feel like ending the night just yet. When we arrive, Junho peered out the window at the neighborhood, looking over at me questioningly.

   “This is my house.” I said before he could even ask.

   Understanding filled his eyes and caused him to take a deep breath. “Ok Taecyeon,” The soft say he said my name perfectly matched the naïve look on his face, but I felt that the innocence was practiced. “You know I’m not that drunk yet, right?”

   “Key word, ‘yet’.” I joked lightly, turning off the car and leaving the keys in the ignition, just in case. “Actually, I was wondering if you wanted to come inside for a cup of coffee and dessert . . . I know I don’t look it, but I’ve got a pretty skillful hand in the kitchen and I make a cheesecake that should be perfectly set . . . right about now.” I said the last part as I glanced at my watch.

   Junho sighed dramatically, throwing his hand over his eyes like some damsel in distress. “Oh dear, champagne . . . cheesecake . . . it’s like you know every one of my weaknesses already.”

   I smirked and stepped out of the car, running around to open the door for him like the gentlemen my mother would have expected me to be. “I’ll be honest, I haven’t done this whole dating thing in a while, so just tell me if I’m going overboard, ‘kay?”

   Before he said anything, Junho leaned up on his tip toes and kissed my cheek, settling back down on his heels with that signature bouncy smile of his that had my heart pounding almost as hard as the kiss did. “You ramble when you’re nervous.” Damn, he was good. “Now quit stalling, I’m anticipating this glorious cheesecake of yours.”

   He took my hand and I led him up to the front door, unlocking it and stepping inside the quiet house. I expected to find Jessica on the couch, but her shoes were missing and all of the lights were on in the house. I froze where I was, looking around the place and Junho stood behind me, quietly aware of the change in my mood.

   “Hyung!” Chansung’s scared voice called out from down the hallway and I hurried towards him, rounding the corner to see him standing in front of Wooyoung’s bedroom with a pained face, tapping repeatedly on the door. “Small hyung won’t open da door!” Chansung yelled when he saw me, turning back to the closed door and pulling on the handle in a panic. “Open it, hyung! Channie will make it better . . . Please . . .”

   Junho pushed past me and walked up to Chansung, pulling him away from the door and murmuring softly. “Chansung, what happened?”

   “S-Small hyung came back . . .” My brother mumbled, his breathing heavy and flustered and his hands balled into tight fists. “Small hyung cried real bad but he don’t say nothing . . . We gots ta’ make him better!”

   I walked up to the door and pounded on it. “Wooyoung!” I yelled. “Open the door or I’m gonna break it down!”

   Chansung started sobbing loudly and Junho shot me a nasty glare that I ignored and just started pounding on the door again. “I know you’re not asleep . . . I know you can hear Chansung crying, can’t you? You know why he’s crying? – I do,” I growled angrily through the door and rested my forehead against the wood, sighing deeply. “It’s because he cares about you, you’re his hyung too, and you’re scaring him right now . . . So open the door.”

   There was silence for a few moments until we heard the clicking sound of the door unlocking, but before I could open the door, Junho stopped me. “Let me go in.” He looked up at me seriously. “I’ve known him for a long time. It should be me . . .”

   I nodded and let him enter the room. Chansung clung to my side, still crying. I pet his head softly and pulled him towards his own bedroom. “C’mon Channie . . . Wooyoung’s gonna be fine, he’s just talking to Junho.”

   Chansung looked ahead of him with a furrowed brow, his eyes glistened with angry tears that he wiped away with the palms of his hands. His face was turning red with anger and I walked him to his bed and sat him down. I’d seen him cry many times, from sadness, pain, fear, but never anger. Not like this.

   “Channie, what’s wrong?”

   He pulled his blanket over his entire body and grumbled like an embarrassed kid. “I dun wanna say!”

   I blinked in shock, staring at the sniffling mound of blankets before tugging at them until Chansung’s tearful face was revealed to me once more. “Hey buddy, don’t be like that . . . Talk to hyung, okay?”

   He glanced shyly at me before looking away again, covering his face. “I can’t do nothing . . . c-cuz I’m not smart.” The words that came from him nearly caused me to choke, but I said nothing, I only listened to my baby brother as he told me what he truly felt. “I-I can’t help small hyung . . . I can’t do nothing and I’m mad cuz I want small hyung to be happy always.”

   With a sigh, I stood up, tucking Chansung in and brushing his hair back from his face. “Small hyung will be okay, I promise.”

   He looked hopeful, like he wanted to believe me, until his eyes turned colder and he rolled onto his side. “Night hyung.”

   “Goonight Channie.” I stepped out of the room and closed the door.

   I sat in the living room until Junho finally came out after quite some time, looking pale. I stood up but he just sat down, pulling me with him and leaning against me, as if he needed the support that I was ready and willing to give. “Wooyoung’s asleep. How was Chansung?”

   “He was freaking out,” I said honestly, staring off in front of me blankly. “What happened, Junho?”

   Junho looked at his hand, which I hadn’t even noticed was squeezing mine until he held it up and traced invisible patterns on the back of my wrist. “Wooyoung has a pretty complicated past . . . and it came back to haunt him tonight.” He said sadly, and I could tell there was so much to this story that he wouldn’t say. “I never thought he’d have to go through this again, he deserves to be happy, Taec.”

   Watching the sadness in his eyes, I couldn’t help brushing my thumb along his taught cheek. “You care about him a lot, don’t you?”

   He nodded, closing his eyes and nuzzling his cheek into my hand. “I was there through the worst parts . . . I watched him come to dance practice with bruises and bandages and a fearful kind of lifelessness in his eyes. I never quite figured out how to convince him that he was worth more than that.”

   It felt like a part of Wooyoung was being shown to me, one that he had tried so drastically to hide and I could see why. Who would want to live in a past where they were so brutally abused by someone they loved so dearly?

   “Taecyeon,” Junho whispered my name, his eyes drooping as he rested his bodyweight on my shoulder. “Can I sleep here tonight?”

   “Of course.” I murmured back with a soft kiss to his forehead.

*

As much as I tried, I just couldn’t sleep. And I couldn’t cry anymore either. So I ended up just staring through the darkness as I kept myself curled into a fetal position under the blankets of my bed. There was no more energy in my body, not after Nichkhun had left the club, or after MinJun ed up my head with that kiss, or when Junho came to try and talk me out of my ‘blues’. I felt like I had nothing left. Nothing but sad memories that kept me terrified of sleep because sleeping meant remembering and remembering meant hurting worse than when I was awake and so, I refused to sleep.

   I barely even moved, actually.

   Not until the sound of the door creaking open slowly caught my attention, but still, I just stayed where I was. Even as the padding of light footsteps on the floor drew closer to the edge of the bed, and eventually, the blankets were pulled back and a large body carefully lowered itself in the bed behind me.

   The arms that wrapped around me were warm, and perfect.

   I let my body be pulled against the broad chest of the only person in this world who made me feel any sense of self-worth. He had slept in my bed with me many times, but this night, I felt a strength in his hold. I felt worry in his breath landing on my neck as he watched me, unknowing that I was awake, and carefully covered our bodies with the blankets once more.

   “Chansung . . .” He froze stiff when I whispered.

   “Small hyung’s not sleeping?” Chansung asked me quietly, peering his curious face around to look at me, his eyes glimmered in the moonlight that shone in through the curtains. He looked sad, and that hurt my chest more than I thought it would.

   “Thank you for taking care of me tonight.” I said as I turned around in his arms and hugged him back.

   His big hands pat my back, and then the top of my head. “Hyung takes care of me always . . . I wanna get smart, so I can take care of hyung too.” He squished my head against his chest and I smiled slightly, breathing in the scent that was distinctly Chansung, as he continued. “I wants you to smile, hyung . . . I hate when you cry, so dun do it, okay? No more cries . . .”

   I tilted my head back to look at him, smiling more. “I can’t cry when you’re holding me like this.”

   “For really?” His big eyes stared at me, like he was suddenly so full of courage.

   “Yes, for really.”

   He didn’t say anything else and just hugged me closer again, and even if I wanted to, I knew that I couldn’t escape his arms. Not tonight, at least. I felt his heartbeat against my ear and closed my eyes, finally feeling relaxed, sated enough to sleep. With Chansung’s warmth surrounding me, our legs tangled together, I nestled up and started drifting off soundly.

   Maybe it was my imagination, but just before sleep took me, I thought I heard him murmur. “I’ll hold you always.”