“You have to understand, Wooyoung.” There was a certain tone in his voice that I had never heard before, as he spoke those brutal words without any sign of remorse. “I’m making my debut in a couple of weeks, and I can’t afford to risk my career with unnecessary setbacks.”

   At this moment, I was unsure of which hurt more; the fact that, after three years, the honey blonde male could so easily brush me off as a mere ‘setback’ . . . Or that after all of the violence, all of the tears I had dedicated to him and all of the times I let my heart crack and shatter, it was me who ended up being dumped.

   Looking at my hands, I refused to cry in front of him. I would not let him have that part of me ever again. Not him, or anyone else.

   “So it’s over, then.” My heart felt as if I were choking on it, but as hard as I tried, I couldn’t quite swallow my fears enough to perfect the art of appearing unfazed. “I wish you success.” That was the hardest lie I ever told, but it worked, as the corners of his lips curved so perfectly, like a well-practiced line from some script.

   “Thanks,” He said. “Too bad you couldn’t be on stage with us, even as a backup dancer.”

   Those words hit me harder than any backhand he had previously given me. Hurt worse than any of the bruises and knots he’d left on my body. They would stay with me longer than any scar, and from the way he looked at me, I could tell that he knew it.

   How could he not know that with those words, he was destroying every shattered piece of my dreams that had been left for me? It wasn’t his fault that I had been dropped from the company, labeled as un-fit for the entertainment industry, and left to re-think my choice of career. It wasn’t his fault that I the goals I had spent the last seven years of my life working towards fell underneath my feet just months before I had reached them. It wasn’t his fault that I valued myself so little that I stayed by his side as he broke me down and took away everything I ever wanted.

   But it was him who reached up and touched my cheek once he brought the car to a stop, right outside the humble apartment I had been living in ever since he had officially replaced me in the group I was supposed to debut in. “I’ll miss you, Yongie.”

   I finally felt it.

   The last thread that was holding together my dignity, cut by the bitterness of actuality.  

   I woke up abruptly with a heavy gasp for air. As my lungs filled with oxygen again, I covered my mouth to try and erase the feeling of nausea that washed over me as I came to my senses. Rubbing my eyes, I looked around the room to find the source that woke me, seeing my phone vibrating on the bedside table, I reached for the flashing device and slid out of bed as I answered. “Hey, I didn’t forget about picking Chansung – I’m gonna head out soon.” I said, receiving a snort as MinJun clucked his tongue in disapproval on the other end of the phone.

   “How dare ya’ confuse me for that big eared grumpy pants.” The old buzzard whined at me on the other end of the line, and I glanced at the clock to see that it was still before noon and I had drastically miscalculated my time spent asleep.

   “. Sorry, I got up early to take Channie to his first day of kindergarten . . . So I’m a little thrown off right now.” I mumbled my excuse as I walked to the window and opened the curtains that had been blocking the sunlight from entering the room. “Why are you calling me anyway?”

   MinJun scoffed, though there was seriousness to his tone. “Just lettin’ everyone know that we’re gonna have a big name VIP in the audience tonight. So ya’ better bring yer ‘A-game’ . . . Oh, an’ I’ve assured him that discretion will be kept by all the employees.”

   Rolling my eyes, I kicked off my boxers and walked to the bathroom in my fully glory. “Got it. Anything else?”

   “Jeez, why so down, big boy?” I cringed at the use of his nickname. “You sound like ya’ just been hit by a car.”

   Staring at my reflection in the mirror, my eyes went straight to a faint patch of skin on my left shoulder, long healed and faded into a pale white scar. A reminder that I was far more breakable than I wanted to believe.

   I sighed into the phone. “I had a bad dream.”

*

“Hyung!” Chansung yelled happily as he ran up to me, leaving behind a group of kids who he was talking enthusiastically with until he noticed me leaning against my parked car. “We made lanterns for art today, hyung! But we can’t puts fire in them ‘cause it’ll burn and that’s real bad! Lookit!” I smiled as my brother held up a paper lantern that was hand crafted so beautifully out of colorful construction paper and colored Popsicle sticks. “Mr. Teacher says I play real nice with da’ other kids . . . They let me sit with them, hyung!”

   I watched the way his eyes lit up and felt a great relief warming my chest as he rambled off about all the amazing things that happened to him on his first day of school. I almost hadn’t noticed another person approaching until Junho cleared his throat, catching the attention of both Chansung and myself.

   “Mr. Teacher!” Chansung cheered, receiving a kind smile from the substantially shorter man.

   “Chansung-ah,” Junho said as he directed his gaze to me for a moment. “Why don’t you go play with some of your new friends while I talk to Taecyeon for a moment?”

   All too happy to oblige, Chansung scurried over to the playground in front of the school, leaving me alone with the man who was crossing his arms and staring at me with a subtle, yet questioning smile. “So . . .” He broke the silence first. “Four years old, huh?”

   I looked away before his stare could borough through me even more. “Sorry about that.” I said as I peeked back at him. “Could you blame me, though?”

   His face was stone for a moment, before his smile spread wider and he shook his head, his eyes softening instantly. “No, I guess not . . . It’s not intellectual disability, is it?”

   Looking at Junho once more, he was now staring at Chansung from afar, his eyes held a kind of adoration that seemed to sparkle. “It’s brain damage.” I admitted. “There was a car accident that left him comatose for three months when he was very young, it stunted his capacity for mental and some emotional development.”

   “But he still retains knowledge, he’s just slower in the learning process.”

   “That’s why he’s here with you.” Junho’s cheeks turned a soft pink when I said that, I smiled at the reaction. “Wooyoung said that you have the patience to teach him.”

   “Truthfully?” He asked, staring up at me with his usually small eyes looking rather large and dreamy. “I think he’s adorable, just like his brother.” Judging from the smirk that formed on Junho’s lips, it was I who was blushing now, watching the smaller man walk past me as he reached out to touch my arm as he passed. “I’ll see you in the morning, Taec.”

   I watched him walk across the parking lot, to a small blue car, when he suddenly stopped and turned back. “Oh, and I’ll forgive you for lying to me . . . If you buy me dinner tonight.”

   “Deal.” There was no question, no debate, only pure euphoria as Junho’s cheeks squished his eyes in a bright smile. “I’ll pick you up at seven o’clock?”

   “Sounds perfect.” He cooed happily, giving a shy wave before getting in his car and leaving me star struck as he drove away.

*

The club was bustling, for a Thursday night.

   Taecyeon had called in, blaming Chansung, though I felt there was a hidden reason as to why the beast was absent. MinJun was off doing his DJ thing, talking to the crowd as I sat in the dressing room, with five minutes left until I was officially on the clock. Apparently, our celebrity VIP had prepaid a hefty price for a private dancer all night, and since the star of the show wasn’t here, the duty fell upon me to show our guest the true meaning of hospitality. I was oh too eager to oblige.

   When it was time for me to head out, I finished the rest of the vodka in my glass and walked out into the blaring music and flashing lights, feeling quite ravishing and full of confidence. After all, the moment I stepped onto the scene, heads turned and jaws dropped as I walked across the dance floor in little more than a few latex straps that covered my private parts. I stopped by the bar and leaned over the counter seductively, and of course, it was Mark who appeared almost instantly with a smile on his face. “Lookin’ good there~” The redhead winked at me before setting a tray down on the counter in front of me. “Here’s the drink order for your private booth.”

   I looked over the tray, several drinks and a whole bottle of our top shelf rum, along with half a dozen empty shot glasses. “Looks like tonight’s gonna be fun.” I smirked and took the drinks.

   The VIP booth was a round booth with high walls, hidden in the corner of the club and roped off so that random stragglers couldn’t annoy our most important customers. Jackson stepped aside to let me through and I put on my iest smile as I rounded the corner with the tray of drinks, ready for the group of five rowdy men. “Who’s ready to party with me??”

   “Well look who it is,” The one on the edge of the booth said in a sultry voice that stopped my heart. “Didn’t think you’d ever end up at a place like this, Youngie . . .” His eyes roamed over my body and I watched his tongue slip out and dampen his bottom lip, feeling suddenly disgusted with myself. “It’s been a long time.”

   His smile felt like a knife, blunt and rusted, digging straight into my chest.

   I finally looked him in the eyes, face to face, for the first time in years. I’d seen those eyes everywhere, on billboards and television shows, music videos and online advertisements, and multiple scandals on the news. But now, I was looking at him again, in the flesh, close enough that when he reached out and touched my thigh, I almost dropped the tray of drinks before recovering myself and setting them down on the glass tabletop. “W-Who want’s shots?” I shied away from him and started serving up the alcohol to the rest of his entourage.

   There was a hand on the back of my thigh and I flinched, out of fear, anger, and many other feelings that I wished never to feel again. “I’m gonna find a few boys to come and dance for you, is there anything else I can grab while I’m gone?”

   One of the sleazy men at the table motioned to his crotch and smirked. “You can grab this.” His suggestion sparked a chorus of laughter from the men surrounding him and I laughed along, because it was expected of me.

   “I’d prefer it if you stayed with us.” I ignored the way the hand on the back of my thigh moved up slowly as our VIP spoke to me, until he gripped my hard enough to actually hurt. “You’ve buffed up since we last met, Youngie.” Without warning, he pulled me into his lap and I felt my chest constrict in panic at his large hands that showed no shyness in touching all over my body with absolutely no remorse. Tender lips kissed my shoulder, over the scar that he had put there himself so long ago, causing me to shiver.

   “Nichkhun please don’t . . .”

   Once again, I found myself begging him.

   And once again, he was completely uninterested in listening.

   “I paid for you.” Nichkhun spoke firmly, as I have heard him speak so many times before. “I paid a lot of money, for you to keep us entertained for the next three hours . . . And that’s exactly what I expect to get. So do what you do best, and show me how well you can make this little body of yours move.” He growled into my ear so that only I could hear him. From afar, we probably looked just like any ordinary dancer speaking with a client, our chests were almost touching and my bare hanging out. But what people couldn’t see, was the way his hand moved over my crotch, hovering carefully over the latex underwear that hid my manhood.

   I knew that look in his eyes. One wrong move and he would squeeze too hard, he would hurt me to get what he wanted. So I gave in.

   My hips started rolling against him in time with the beat of the music.

   Closing my eyes to stop the tears that were forming, I arched my back and started twerking my for them, the sound of cheers of approval made my stomach turn as I stood up and started dancing. Nichkhun raised his glass and poured his drink onto my neck and I visibly flinched, causing his smirk to spread, but I kept dancing. As he leaned forward and the cold drink off of my chest, I kept dancing. As he pulled me back into his lap and bucked his hips up so that I could feel exactly how hard I was turning him on, I kept dancing. And, as soft droplets rolled down my cheeks when Nichkhun’s slender finger found its way to my back side, trying to sneak inside my unprepared hole, I kept dancing.

   “Look at you, you little .” He stared at me like I was prey and smacked the left side of my face, hard enough to sting but not enough to damage. No, he wasn’t allowed to damage these goods anymore, but he could humiliate me, and that’s exactly what he did.

   A few snickers came from his group of friends and I glanced at them, noticing one with his hand down his pants, touching himself to the scene before them. I cringed at the thought of how I looked to them, the thought of what I was to them.

   And I was reminded that it was my choice to degrade myself in this way, which filled me with rage.

   I tried to pull Nichkhun’s hand from my backside, but instead he twisted his finger inside me and grabbed my throat with his other hand. “Don’t you dare move!”

   “I’m not a . . .” My voice came out shaky and weak, but at least it came out.

   “You are if I say you are.” Letting go of my neck, he reached down and moved the latex straps that had my length covered, exposing me to his group of friends and laying me down on the table before them.

   “Stop!” I cried out the moment my body touched the glass tabletop and Nichkhun loomed over me. “Get your hands off me!” I felt the anger rising inside me, taking control and making me forget how deathly afraid I was of the man who was currently pinning me down. “You don’t own me anymore!” I yelled, doing the only thing I could think of that would get me out of my current situation.

   I kicked him hard in the stomach and rolled off the table to get away. I could see Jackson standing at the edge of the bar, talking to one of the new servers and went to call out to him, only to be yanked back angrily by a fistful of my hair.

   “You’re still such a ing !” Nichkhun hissed at me as he slammed me against the nearest wall and kept me from struggling. I felt his breath on my neck and heard his lips part, but the sound of a loud click stopped the venomous words from ever leaving his throat.

   “Let ‘em go.” A voice that was most definitely not his said, and I felt Nichkhun’s hold on me loosen, before suddenly, his arms raised up and he let me go.

   I ran behind MinJun, who was standing behind Nichkhun, with the barrel of a revolver pressed to the back of his head and glaring so menacingly at the Thai. “If you got half a brain in that oversized head of yours, you’d get the outta my club before ya’ end up with an empty skull.”

   “This is bull!” Nichkhun spat viciously. “I’m suing you, I’ll have this place shut down!”

   MinJun rolled his eyes and motioned towards the door with his gun. “Out. Now.” He emphasized the order and glanced at the table of guys who were staring at us in silence. “You too, ya’ dumb s!”

   Without hesitation, the table of men gathered their belongings and left out the door, leaving Nichkhun behind with nothing but wide eyes and a look of utter contempt. MinJun grabbed Nichkhun by the collar and brought their faces close together, jamming the barrel of the gun under the taller man’s throat. “And I swear ta’ god, if I find you in’ wit one of my boys again, I’ll ruin you . . . I’ll tell the media who ya’ really are, and once I’ve won the lawsuit for attempted of my employee . . . Then I’ll kill ya’.”

   And with that, MinJun stepped back, grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me in a bee-line directly to his personal dressing room.

   Once behind the door, he locked it and walked me over to the sofa against the wall, sitting me down and turning away from me.

   The silence was borderline suffocating.

   My eyes roamed his back, his shoulders exposed through the tank top he wore and I glanced at the gun still in his right hand as the left one covered his face, which was contorted in both fury and pain; he looked regretful as his lips parted.

   “Are ya’ hurt?” His expressive eyes looked over my body when I shook my head, seeing my lack of clothes and he grabbed a robe that hung across the chair in front of the vanity, he tossed it in my lap and sat down in said chair. “You dun have ta’ be brave on my behalf, big boy.”

   Was I brave, though?

   No, this felt more like destruction. I pulled my feet up on the sofa and hugged my knees, trying my best to stop my heart from pounding. Not because I was brave, I was just tired. Exhausted. Broken. Humiliated. Battered. Wasted. Used. And even a little drunk. In that moment, I was everything that I hated about myself.

   “I didn’t know it was him,” MinJun murmured. “You know that, right?”

   I smiled, out of habit, mostly. “I never told you, so how could you have known?”

   “I’m still responsible for what happens to you and everyone else in this club.” He retorted and this time I smiled for real.

   “You didn’t do anything wrong.” I wanted him to know how much I meant it, so I reached out to his hand, feeling his fingers curl around mine and squeezing them tenderly. “Nichkhun’s an . . . It’s sad, but it’s true. He’s always been this way and that’s why I’ve ended up like this, because he broke me, made me believe that I’m worthless and disgusting and–”

   Before I could finish, MinJun abruptly stood, pulling me along with him. I hardly had time to process his actions before his hand was cupped around the back of my neck and his lips were pressed to mine in a desperate kiss that resonated with anguish, bitterness, and longing. There was true love in this kiss. But there was also a sympathetic understanding, lingering in the traces of the way his tongue danced with mine, almost soothing but ever so unrelenting and unspoken. Yes, I felt his heart was exactly the same as mine, and that’s what caused me to turn away from his embrace and all the affinity he brought to me.

   For once, MinJun’s eyes had absolutely no confidence in them. They glistened with uncertainty for a mere moment before he hugged me to his chest and sobbed against my shoulder. “I almost killed ‘em . . . I wanted to,” The usually calm and sultry man wiped at his eyes, letting me go and taking a step back. “But that ain’t gonna make the damage go away.”

   He was right. Even when he reached his limits, MinJun was a man full of wisdom.

   “People like us can’t be fixed.” I said. “We’re the unfortunate ones . . . We can only pretend to forget for however long we can manage.”

   As I wrapped the robe around myself and walked towards the door, he sighed. “I hope you’re wrong.”

   I stopped with my hand on the doorknob, glancing back and nodding. “Me too.”