It all started from a dog. Funny, right? It isn’t now. I feel like I’m dying. Trying to forget the memories I never knew I have. It hurts. Sun shines into my room as I lie on my bed. It’s spring and everything hurts. Anyway, let’s go back to the dog.

It was a summer evening. I was late for the dinner already, but I decided to take a longer path home. Seeing it now, it was the biggest mistake I ever did. I was listening to the music, when I noticed that some kind of animal stopped in front of me and… Well, did his things on my jeans. I looked down and saw a puppy. He looked cute even though he ruined my clothes. I was supposed to get mad, but I just took out my earphones, bent down and smiled to that creature. “Where’s your owner, boy?” I asked.

“I’m sorry,” someone said and I turned around. It was a man. Well, not so much of a man – he didn’t look like he was any older than me and I was 20 at that time. He was tall, tanned and brown haired. “Monggu, what did you do this time?” he asked the dog.

“Monggu?” I smiled and stood up. “Nice name for a dog.”

The guy laughed a little then walked closer. And suddenly his smile disappeared. He kept looking at me, like he was trying to see my soul or something, so I turned my eyes away.

“Excuse me, why are you looking at me like that?” I asked.

“I... I’m sorry. You remind me of someone,” his voice trembled. But he didn’t break the eye contact. “Yejin?” he suddenly said a name.

I was surprised. It wasn’t even my name, but it felt strange. I looked the guy in the eyes. Then he just shook his head and said, “I’m sorry, I probably look like a psycho to you right now.”

“Stop saying “I’m sorry” this much,” I forced an awkward smile. And then remembered that I have to go, otherwise Kyungsoo will kill me. “I need to go, it was nice meeting you and your dog.”
I turned to go, but that guy grabbed my hand and said, “Let me pay for your ruined jeans.” I started to feel really uncomfortable and didn’t say anything. “Just give me your phone number, okay?” He sounded somehow desperate.

“If that’s your way of hitting on me, I’m sorry, but you failed,” I said. I shook off his hand, but he grabbed it once again.

“No, really. I’m not trying to ask you out.” he mumbled. He quickly took something from his pocket. It was a paper and a pencil. He wrote something down, and gave it to me. It was a phone number. “Just call me,” he said and walked away so quickly that you could almost call it running.

I was dumbfounded for a second. I tried to understand what did just happen, but I couldn’t. I shook my head and started walking home again. I was a bit hesitating if I should throw his number away right now or not, but the note ended up in my pocket.

“You’re late. Again,” I heard Kyungsoo’s voice from the kitchen.

“I’m sorry,” I laughed seeing his frowned face.

“You’re not,” he said putting a plate in front of me. “Otherwise you won’t do it.” He acted like a stupid jealous boyfriend. But he wasn’t. He was my best friend. Or at least we both liked to think so. My life has always been a puzzle and he was a piece that supposed to fit the “Best friend” part. He did, but not really. You know, like that piece, which kind of fits, but at the same time it doesn’t. And I just couldn’t figure out why.

“Stop nagging me,” I yawned. “I’m tired.”

“From what?” he asked with that sarcastic tone of his. “It’s not like you have a friend to feed and train in a group.”

I glared at him. “I can move out, if you don’t like me here,” I said, putting food in my mouth. It’s always the same fight. Even the phrases are all the same.
“You know you can’t,” he said with a softer tone. “You’re not ready.”
“It has been a year now, Kyungsoo,” I said. “Someday I’ll need to get over that . Someday you won’t be there for me.”
He just shook his head and sat in front of me. “Okay, I was harsh to you, I admit,” he said, trying to change the subject. “How was your day?”

I decided to let it go this time. Kyungsoo probably was tired from his schedules as a trainee and, honestly speaking, I wasn’t the best person to live with. “It was okay, I guess,” I said. “Well, I met some crazy guy in the park, but that’s it.”

“Crazy guy?” laughed Kyungsoo. “What do you mean?”

I told him about that guy with a dog. Kyungsoo looked worried. “Did he tell you his name?” he asked.

“No, I only know his pet’s name,” I said finishing my plate. The cleaning maniac Kyungsoo took it from me right away and started doing the dishes. “It’s Monggu.”
In a second all the plates from Kyungsoo’s hands ended up on the floor. He looked like he saw a ghost.

“Monggu?” he finally asked.

“Yeah, why?” I asked looking at the shards on the floor wondering why the hell he became so clumsy.

“Brown fluffy poodle?” he asked without looking at me. I frowned trying to remember. Finally I just nodded, but he didn’t see me. “I asked you a question,” he turned to me, looking… I don’t know, a little bit aggressive.

“Yes. Is this an interrogation or what? Why do you care about some stranger’s dog?” I looked at him. He was obviously angry. Finally, he started cleaning the mess on the floor.

“No reason,” he mumbled.

“And I’m calling bull,” I said. “Do you know that guy?”

Kyungsoo looked at me like trying to decide what to say. “Let’s just say, I know a little bit about him. Stay away from him, okay?”

I remembered something. I took the note the guy gave to me from my pocket and said, “He even left me his number.” Kyungsoo looked like he’s going to murder me. He jumped and took the note from me. He looked at it for a while, then just ripped it in pieces and threw it in the garbage bin. “Hey! What the hell are you doing, you bastard!,” I shouted. “He was like the only chance in a year for me to make a friend or something!”
Kyungsoo just stared at me. “He’s nothing even close to a chance, believe me. Forget him,” he said.

“I can’t allow myself to forget more than I already did, “ I said coldly. “You don’t know how it’s like not to remember 19 years of your life, so shut up Do Kyungsoo, or we will be done here.” I was sitting there, breathing heavily like I ran the marathon, trying to calm down. Kyungsoo looked guilty. This was the first time when I explode like this because of his stupid remarks.

“It’s time for you to get your medicine,” he said, looking at the clock. I took the pills from the cupboard and went straight to my room.

I laid down on my bed. Weird feeling was bothering me. It wasn’t pain, but… It’s that feeling like someone plucked my hair out, just that I felt it in my heart.

I tried to think at least one reason, why Kyungsoo started such a fuss about that guy. I had no idea. It looks like they knew each other. But all this year I’ve been living with Kyungsoo, I never saw him around…

The pills started working – I fell asleep. Back into my nightmares. But this time they were different. Clearer, brighter. I heard voices. Someone was arguing. I saw bright lights. And eventually I started to scream. I didn’t stop even when Kyungsoo woke me up. Slowly my scream turned into sobbing.

“I’m sorry,“ I said to Kyungsoo, trying to stop crying. He didn’t say anything, he was used to that. Kyungsoo just hugged me and asked if I want him to stay in my room. I shook my head. It happens just once in a night, we both knew it.

He was already leaving, when I suddenly caught myself asking him, “Kyungsoo… Who’s Jongin?”