3 years ago           

            “I’m leaving.” Sunggyu whispered, his guitar case hanging on his shoulders, duffle bag in his hand. “I won’t come back until I make it. I promise I will.”

            Sunggyu quietly stood in front of the man who looked to be reaching his fifties, slightly balding, but still sharp enough to sense the agitated movements of the younger man’s presence and pointedly ignore it. The man continued to sit in silence, scribbling notes down in business portfolios that Sunggyu never understood.

            “Well, I’ll be going then,” Sunggyu said hesitantly, waiting for a response, any response. His eyes glued on a smooth flow of black ink that fell from the balding man’s fountain pen.

            “Then, what are you still doing here?”

            “I just—I’m sorry.”

            “If you go down this path, I will never support you.”

            Sunggyu paused. “I know, father.”

            “Then I have nothing else to say. Leave.” And nothing else was said as Sunggyu obediently closed the door shut behind him, the sound of pen scratching paper ringing in his ears.

       **    

            Sunggyu stared at the crumbling tan paint that covered the ceiling. He didn’t know why he was remembering the last moments he had with his father before he became part of Infinite, but he knew it wasn’t a good idea to ignore it, something he had tried to do in the past. He quietly sat up from his bed, making sure not to wake up his roommate, Woohyun, and grabbed his cellphone from the messy pile of clothes on the wooden floor. He shivered a little in his faded grey t-shirt as he punched in a couple of numbers, hearing the familiar buzz of a call being received.

            “This is Kim Yong-Jae of BlueAir Airlines. Who is this?“ Sunggyu lightly gripped his phone to his cheek, lips creased into a frown, eyes threatening to tear up. “Hello? Hello? Who is call—”

            Sunggyu hung up and dropped the phone in his lap. A faint crackling could be heard from the tattered wallpaper as it moved with the breeze coming from the small window at the top corner of Sunggyu’s and Woohyun’s room. Sunggyu fisted his hands in his lap, gripping the phone once again. Then, he angrily tossed it across the room, regretting the relatively loud bang that came from the clash of solid drywall and metal phone casing.

            Sunggyu jolted, and then relaxed as he felt soothing warmth shoot up his arm. He turned to see Woohyun with his arm stretched out before him, struggling to sit up. Woohyun’s blanket was already scrunched up at the corner of his bed near Sunggyu, his black hair was a tousled mess, and his eyes were open into slits. Woohyun yawned, “Hyung, what’s up? Did you have a nightmare?”

            “No. Go back to sleep.” Sunggyu said gently, removing the comforting hand from his arm and pushing Woohyun back on his bed. He then roughly threw the blanket over his friend’s sprawled figure and held back a snicker, reminding himself to tease Woohyun later about his leopard print pajamas. Knowing him, he would either flat out deny it was his or he would proudly flaunt it, claiming it was in style.

            “Thanks, Woohyun,” Sunggyu smiled as he put on a pair of worn-out jeans and walked out their bedroom.  He gave a small yawn and stretched out his arms, shuffling his feet towards the kitchen across the hall. 

            “Morning.” A gravelly voice pulled Sunggyu out of his daze.

            “Hoya,” Sunggyu said and spared his bronze haired friend a questioning glance as he opened one of the kitchen cabinets for another cup. His face soured as he noticed the accumulating piles of unclean dishes flowing out of their sink. Dirty plates, glasses, and pots covered most of the tiled counter. They tried to keep the kitchen as clean as possible, but with seven adolescent males in a tiny apartment, things like this were bound to happen. Playing with the buttons of the coffee machine, he turned to Hoya, “Why is the kitchen so dirty? Are there no more clean mugs?”

            Hoya stared at his leader above the mug at his lips as he remained casually leaning against the kitchen island that was across the messy sink. “Hyung,” he said, gesturing to the other mug already sitting out in front of him. “It’s still warm.”

            Sunggyu took the cup and positioned himself in front of Hoya across the island, enjoying the soothing warmth that pooled in his belly. They both stood there in silence, something they knew could only happen in the early morning before the other members have woken up.

            “It’s Woohyun hyung’s turn to clean this week,” Hoya mumbled to answer Sunggyu’s first question, folding his hands over the warm mug on the table. “But, I’m sure Sungjong is going to throw a fit again soon.”

            Sunggyu’s eyes quirked at the comment as he let out a little laugh, “So, it’s nothing to worry about then.” 

            Hoya only nodded and gazed at the dark swirls of coffee in his purple ceramic mug. “Nothing to worry about,” he whispered, making sure Sunggyu couldn’t hear him. Glimpses of a faint smile, distrust, betrayal, blurred Hoya’s vision. He cleared his throat before any other thoughts could pop up in his mind, “What are the plans for today hyung?”

            “Oh, just the usual. We have dance practice most of the morning and some part of the evening. The CEO wanted to meet with us around four to finalize our album. But, I think after that, we will have some free time. Dongwoo has been looking forward to this for a couple of weeks already.”

            “Can I—never mind,” Hoya stopped himself before he could give himself away.

            “What is it Hoya?” Sunggyu asked worriedly as he looked at Hoya with a solid gaze.

          “It’s nothing to worry about, hyung,” Hoya plastered on a small smile, “I’m really tired, I’m going back to bed for some much needed sleep.” He quickly placed his mug among the other dirty dishes and removed himself from Sunggyu’s line of vision. It’s been a long time since he ever felt the need to run away from his leader. Hoya knew Sunggyu had his own problems to worry about and he didn’t want to add on any more pressure to the man who was supposed to keep Infinite together.

          It started about a month ago that Hoya began to wake up in the early hours of the morning to slip into the kitchen for a cup of coffee. On one of these occasions, he found Sunggyu sitting on the kitchen counter, arms tightly wrapped around his legs, the picture of a vulnerable leader that not many would ever have the chance to see. On another, Sunggyu caught Hoya with tears streaking down his face, slumped on the kitchen island. After those initial awkward encounters, it became apparent that Hoya and Sunggyu would be seeing each other more and more and to their displeasure, often at their most helpless moments. And it became even more apparent that both of them would never speak of their problems in these secret meetings. They enjoyed a cup of warm coffee, some irrelevant small talk, then back to bed, nothing else. It’s almost funny how perfectly they understand each other even though they barely spoke five words when they did meet up.

           When he heard Sunggyu’s voice faintly call him from the kitchen, Hoya slipped into the nearby bathroom and locked the door. After a few minutes, Hoya let out a relieved sigh. Sunggyu never followed Hoya beyond the edge of the kitchen tiles that met the living room floor. Like they agreed upon, their problems were their own and both never pressured each other to speak about the demons they were facing. The shrieking laughter of Dongwoo’s alarm clock startled Hoya from his thoughts as he quickly the showerhead. Looks like the others will be waking up soon.