Monday's Model UN meeting is a rather depressing affair. The Vicepresident-slash-secretary-slash-treasurer has yet to show up, leaving the room with its single lonely occupant.  Said vicepresident-slash-secretary-slash-treasurer has also failed to answer 47 texts, 20 emails, and 11 calls over the weekend.

Suho pokes dejectedly at the rubbery slice of school pizza before him.  It’s been 3 years since he’s had to brave the warzone that is Exo High’s cafeteria, and he’s forgotten how terrifying the food can be.  One perk of having a best friend who’s addicted to Food Network is the free homemade lunches.  And breakfasts.  And dinners.  In fact, if it weren't for D.O., Suho would probably be living off of microwavable meals and takeout.

He's just discovered a hair under his pepperoni when someone knocks at the door.  

"Hey Captain, there you are! Uh...why are you sitting alone in a dark classroom?"

"Oh hello Baekhyun," Suho replies tonelessly, continuing with his pizza inspection.  "Are you interested in tackling international crises, learning about diplomacy, and forming lifelong friendships”

"Uh...not really." Baekhyun plops into the seat next to Suho’s.  "But I do have a great idea for our homecoming float!  We should have a live perforamnce! I was thinking a number from the Hollywood classical Singin' in the Rain.  You can never go wrong with that. I'd be Don Lockwood of course..."

Suho nods absently as Baekhyun chatters excitedly on. 

"...but I know you must be extremely busy, what with your 8 AP classes and 17 clubs…not that I was stalking your schedule or anything…so I will gladly take charge of making the float and directing the number. You can leave everything entirely up to me!"

"Really? Great." Suho tries not to sound too relieved. "Just send me the bill and I'll reimburse you." He picks out a second hair in his pizza and throws down his fork in defeat. "Excuse me, I need to go demand a refund and file a complaint."

"Yeah, Captain! I believe in you!"

Five minutes after Suho leaves the classroom, a second person bursts in, balancing two trays in his hands.  "Captain! I got you lunch! And I had the most ingenious idea for our float..."

Chen's voice trails off as the chair slowly spins around in the darkness.

"Too late, er."

"Hello Glee Club!" Baekhyun stands at the front of the room with a thick stack of freshly photocopied sheets.  "Our dear captain has entrusted me with the homecoming float--probably since I'm the most talented member in this club--so you are all going to do exactly as I say. Okay? Great!  Now, I've already taken the liberty of planning our concept--I know, I know, no need to thank me.  Since Homecoming is coming up in 2 weeks, we're going to need to work overtime to build the float and rehearse the number..."

"I object. This is a gross abuse of power." Chen tosses the packet to the floor. "Everyone knows I was set to play Don Lockwood before the fall drama production got shut down.  Clearly, you're just trying to worm your way into the role that I rightfully earned."

"You mean the role that you gave yourself--"

"I refuse to tolerate this tyranny--"

"You're such a hypocrite--"

"My talents are not meant to be wasted--"

"Guys, can't you...I don’t know...share the solo?" Kai suggests.

"NO!" Baekhyun and Chen scream simultaneously at a terrified Kai.

"Actually, I think we should do something more Top 20." Lay interrupts, putting aside his packet as well.  "I pretty sure most of the school hasn't heard of Singin in the Rain. We need something that’ll appeal to everyone."

"Yeah!" Chanyeol sits up at the words "Top 20."  "Like Katy Perry? We can rent a tiger or something! And put on fireworks!”

“That’s not really what I meant…”

“Or A$AP Rocky? he’s awesome!"

"A$AP Rocky has the musicality of a vacuum cleaner," Baekhyun says flatly. "So no."

"Are you insulting my sick music taste, Bacon? Do you wanna visit the dumpster today?"

"You touch me, and I’ll tell Suho and Kris--”

"Guys, let's not fight..." Kai tries again, quailing when four glares are aimed his way. He sinks back down into his seat.  Seriously, where are the captains when you need them?

As Kris' tongue makes its way down his neck, Suho takes out his phone to tap out his 48th+ message to D.O.

From Suho: DO

From Suho: DOOOOOOOOOOO

From Suho: DOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOooooooooo

From Suho: Do Do Do DOOO Dooo dod od od odododo

"Can you not?" Kris complains into his shoulder.  "I'm right here, you know."

From Suho: Stop ignoring me

From Suho: Or I'll demote you from every club we're in

Suho pushes Kris' face aside as D.O.--finally!--responds.

From D.O.: while ur at it why dont u demote me from best friend. since friends are supposed to tell each other things

From D.O.: for example

From D.O.: like if theyre dating THE JERK WHOS RESPONSIBLE FOR MAKING OUR LIVES MISERABLE FOR THE PAST 4 YEARS

From D.O.: TRAITOR

"This is all your fault," Suho throws down his phone to glare at the impatient figure hovering above him.  "And--...wait, are you wearing your disgusting basketball shoes on my bed?!" His eyes grow in horror.  "Kris, how many times do I have to tell you to take your shoes off in my house! --No, don't just drop them on the floor!  Put them on the mat--no, not directly on the mat!  Use the plastic sheet--not that plastic sheet!  The one labeled 'footwear'!”

As Suho sits up and scrambles for Clorox wipes, Kris mutters something that sounds suspiciously like "control freak" under his breath.

Once Suho has sufficiently de-contaminated his bed and floor, he yanks angrily at Kris's shirt and pulls it over his head, pausing briefly to admire the other boy's toned stomach.  One positive thing Suho will say about Kris' participation on the basketball team--he always looks good during training season.

"You wanna take a picture?" Suho can just hear Kris' smirk.

"Please refrain from talking; your IQ ruins the mood."

Kris scowls.  

When Suho and Kris are too blissed out in their post- haze to insult each other, is the only time they can maintain a semi-friendly conversation. If it can even be called a conversation.  Usually, Kris will ramble on about his "strategy" for the upcoming game, and Suho will unload the numerous grievances he has against his absent parents and/or incompetent peers.  

"I wonder how Baekhyun's doing with the Glee float..."

"Oh yeah, about that...” Kris’ hand pauses in playing with Suho’s hair. “I'm, uh, going to Homecoming with Jessica."

"The cheerleader co-captain?" Suho recalls the two petite girls leading the pep rally at the beginning of the school year. "Let me guess, Taeyeon’s going with Xiumin then."  Exo's varsity sports captains are always the top prizes fought over by the cheerleaders during school events and dances. Yet another ritual of the primitive jungle that is high school.

"Probably.  Anyway, I have to hang out with her on the Royalty float, so I can't do your singing thing. Sorry," says Kris, sounding anything but.

"Whatever, I'm not doing it either.  As long as your minions participate we'll be fine.  They're good enough bait." Suho stretches up from his bed.  "Now get out; I need to start on my homework and I'm nine minutes behind schedule."

Kris glances at the clock. 7:09PM.  

"You really need to relax sometimes, Suho. See ya around."  He climbs out the window, onto the large tree that spans the Kim-Wu properties.  Since Suho and Kris were old enough to climb trees without their parents' assistance, it's served as their "secret" passageway; Suho can't count the number of times they've snuck into each other's rooms via the thick branches.

Suho watches as Kris clambers back into his own bedroom window, snickering slightly when he bangs his head against the screen, as always.  The lights to Kris's room flick on.  In a few minutes, they'll probably disappear again as Mrs. Wu calls her son down to enjoy a nice home-cooked meal. 

Squashing down a wave of bitterness, Suho reaches for his phone.

From Suho: Hey do you want to come over later and watch the new History Channel special with me? (and bring food please. I haven't eaten all day)

From Suho: DO?

From Suho: Ok look DO, I think you're being a little overdramatic about this.

D.O. has logged off.

From Suho: D! O!

---

The lights are out in Oh residence when Sehun returns home at 2AM, covered in glitter and sweat.  He eases his way silently into his room and sighs happily, recalling the past few hours' events.  Tao had showcased a new routine today. As usual, Sehun had gaped in rapt attention, hidden in the shadows.  He had been too high on giddiness...and other things...to recall much of the routine, other than the fact that it involved a pole, suspenders, and of course Tao's infamous Wushu moves. By now, he's frequented Club Awoo so often that the bartender knows to wake him up right before Tao's routine.

The first thing he notices when he flicks on the light is that someone is already sitting cross-legged on his bed.  Sehun shrieks in a very unmanly fashion.

"Well well well, if it isn't baby Sehun back from his grownup adventures."

"L-Luhan! What are you doing...?"

Luhan is smiling, but it's the same too-many-teeth smile he gives to the other cheerleaders.  The one that says I know everything about you, do not mess with me .  

"Oh hello there dear brother. I'm just here to collect the $240.33 you owe me."

"At 2 in the morning..?  And how long have you been sitting there...?"

Luhan ignores both questions, unfolding his legs and patting the space next to him.  "It’s been awhile since we’ve had a brotherly chat, hasn’t it? Come, Sehunnie, sit." 

Sehun gulps, refusing to budge from the doorway.  Luhan rolls his eyes.

"Fine. You've been wasting all your money on that stupid club, haven't you?"

"What club"

"Sehun. You have a problem."

"Problem what problem I don't know what you're talking about. I was just jogging around the block because it's important to exercise you know. And boy that sure was a tiring jog I'm really tired so I'm just gonna go to bed good night get out please--" As Sehun inches over to retrieve his pajamas, Luhan swipes the fake ID out of Sehun's back pocket.

"Hey, give that back!"

"I expect my money back by the end of the week, with 30% interest. Or this is going straight into Mom and Dad's hands."

"But Luhan," Sehun whines. "I'm seriously broke."

"Yeah well, your fault for spending all your money on a stripper."

"Hey! Tao is an artist…I mean, what are you talking about?"

"Good night, Sehun! Have fun dreaming about your bad boy 'artist.' Try to keep it down though; I need my beauty sleep.”

“Luhan!  Wait, what did you hear?"

"It's pretty easy stuff.  Mostly chores that people are too lazy to do.  Like mowing lawns, cleaning pools, sweeping leaves.  Oh, and you get tipped more if you take off your shirt."  Maybe so, but Sehun is feeling pretty ridiculous as he walks around the neighborhood topless in the windy October afternoon. It also doesn't help that he looks like a stick compared to Kai, who turns multiple giggling heads as they stroll down the street.  

Wait...is that their Geometry teacher?  Sehun yanks Kai behind a bush, waiting for the middle-aged man to pass by.

"Come on, Sehun. Time is money."

"My s are freezing," Sehun whines, staring longingly at his confiscated shirt in Kai's hands.

Their first stop is a huge Colonial-style house that looks like it belongs on a CW show.  Kai presses the button on the intercom.

"This is Suho's house," he whispers to an awestruck Sehun.  "Well, I guess it's his parents' technically, but I've never seen them around."

"You mean student council president genius Suho Kim? That Suho?"

"Yeah. He's kinda weird, but he tips really nice."

Half an hour later, Sehun realizes what Kai meant by "kinda weird." The floor-to-ceiling bookshelves in the living room are completely filled with motivational books, political autobiographies, and documentaries, organized and labeled alphabetically in neat handwriting.  Adjoining the living room is an entire room of glass cases filled chronologically with hundreds of gleaming trophies, dating from almost fifteen years back. Apparently, four-year-old Suho Kim was the youngest winner of Exo Public Library's 2001 Summer Reading Challenge.

"...we have to clean all these?"

"Yup. Trust me, he notices if you miss even one."

"Can I put my shirt back on now?"

After they've finished polishing and dusting every inch of Suho's carefully labelled trophy, book, DVD, stamp, button and coin collection, Kai knocks on Suho's bedroom door upstairs.  The door opens, revealing a small, pale boy whose entire outfit screams nerd. Sehun is glad he put his shirt back on; Suho looks like the type of sheltered prude who would be scarred by the sight of a bare chest.

"All done, Kai?" Suho smiles brightly, and Sehun grudgingly adds +0.1 to his attractiveness.  "How was Glee Club today, by the way?"

“You’re in Glee Club?” Sehun can't hold back his snicker.

“Not by choice!” Kai hisses, red-faced. He turns back to Suho.  "Horrible! Everyone's killing each other! Where were you and Kris?"

"Oh, uh," Suho's gaze flicks briefly to his bed.  "We had some…urgent administrative business to take care of. Sorry. I’ll talk to Baekhyun about doing a better job next time. How much do I owe you?"

"Fifty."

Suho places a $100 bill in each of their hands.

Sehun takes back every judgmental thought he had about Suho.  Suho is perfect.  Suho is an angel.

"Hey, do you need us to do anything else?" Sehun asks eagerly, ignoring Kai's raised eyebrow.  "Take out your trash? Fold your clothes? Clean your bathroom?  Give you a massage?"

"No.  wait, actually, yes.  Do you know how to cook?"

---

“Hello, Glee Club! I hope you all practiced your lines, because today—“ Baekhyun frowns as he takes in the empty classroom.  He checks his watch. 3:00pm.

At 3:05pm, Baekhyun stomps over to dumpster #4, where Chanyeol is, as usual, tossing his latest victims into its smelly depths. 

“Hey Bacon, miss me already?”

“Why aren’t you in the choir room?" Baekhyun demands.  "And where's everyone else?”

“Uh…I thought Glee Club was cancelled today? Chen sent us a text about it.”

“…that motherer.”

“Oh.  Ohhh” Chanyeol’s eyes widen in understanding.  “But hey, since no one’s there, I don’t have to go right…?”

“Nice try. You’re coming with me. And take the poor kids out of the dumpster.”

“Aw man…”

An hour and a trip to Home Depot later, Chanyeol and Dumpster Victims A and B are hard at work under Baekhyun’s watchful eye.  To Baekhyun's surprise, something sort-of resembling a stage is actually starting to take form under Chanyeo's unexpectedly skilled hands.  Chanyeol had even drafted up a plan of the float on his laptop, complete with measurements and tolerances.

“You know how to use a tape measurer?!"

Chanyeol rolls his eyes.  “I’m not as stupid as you think I am.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re actually not half bad at this,” Baekhyun grudgingly admits.

"I like to build stuff, and I help my dad around the house a lot.” Chanyeol turns off the saw to wipe at his brow.  “But seriously, Bacon, why are you so obsessed over this? Everyone’s going to egg our float anyway."

“Because. This is my dream."

"To get egged? Wow, you music kids sure dream big."

"No, .” Baekhyun sits down next to Chanyeol. He sighs. “Not that you'd care...but Singin in the Rain is what made me want to sing. Gene Kelly is my hero! I’ve dreamed of playing Don Lockwood since I was four, and now I actually have the chance to make it happen…sort of.  If only Chen would stop getting in my way..."

"Why can’t you just share a few lines? I mean, I don't know how this whole singing thing works, but in basketball you can't be a ball hog. You gotta work as a team."

"But...no one can have Don Lockwood!" Baekhyun protests.  “Only I can play him!”

“Uh, hey guys, c-can I go now?” Dumpster Victim A nervously interrupts.  “I promised my parents I’d be home for dinner…”

"Finish the float with us, and Chanyeol won't dumpster dive you guys for the rest of the year."

"What!"

"D-deal!  Just let me just call my mom."

---

To Baekhyun's relief, the next Glee Club meeting is significantly more well-attended, though for some reason D.O. still hasn't shown up for the past two weeks.

The float is near complete now, much to Chanyeol's obvious pride.  The backdrop is black, with silver streaks of rain painted across. Off to the side, Kai and Lay wave around black umbrellas, arguing over choreography.  To Baekhyun's surprise, they actually look like they're somewhat competent at dancing. 

And Chen…is standing at the front of the stage, with a microphone in his hand.

In a split second, Baekhyun’s smile turns upside down.  “What is going on here?!”

“Bacon, hey!” Chanyeol waves excitedly, paintbrush in hand.  “So last night, I was thinking, what if we had like, two different songs going on at the same time? Then you and Chin can both have your own solos, and you’d still get to be that Don Lockwood guy. But then I thought, nah, if we do a second song we’d have to build a whole other set, and find new costumes.  But then Kai showed me the Singing in the Rain scene, cause he apparently owns every Eugene Kelly movie—“

“They're my sister's!” Kai interrupts loudly.  "And it's Gene Kelly," he mutters.

“…and I thought, wait a second, that looks kinda like Rihanna’s Umbrella! Like, black and white outfits and dancing with an umbrella in the rain.  So why not combine the songs?  Genius, right?” 

"..."

“We do need a radio-friendly song to draw people in,” Lay reminds a silent Baekhyun.  

It's...actually a pretty creative idea. For the second time, Baekhyun considers that Chanyeol's brain may actually house more than one cell.  

"I...but since when did you care about helping me?"

"Hey, I worked hard on the float!  I don't want all my work to go to waste either."

Baekhyun looks suspiciously up at Chanyeol, but the other boy's face bears no hint of the evil glint that usually precedes his dumpster dives.  As douchey as Chanyeol is, his expression has always been an open book.

“…so only I get to be Don Lockwood?”

“Yup! And Chen will be Rihanna!  But, like, a super manly version, of course,” Chanyeol assures Chen.

Baekhyun whirls to face Chen.  “And…you’re ok with this?”

“Well, I’m a bit concerned that my obviously superior vocals will outshine yours…but, sure.”

Chanyeol holds out a hopeful fist.  “So...go team?”

Sometimes, achieving one’s dream requires some concessions.

“…you’re still an ,” Baekhyun declares, giving Chanyeol a grudging fistbump.  “But go team.”

---

“Presenting the Homecoming Princess and Prince…Jessica Jung and Kris Wu!”

Eyeing the nearest camera, Jessica grabs Kris's face and smashes their lips together.  The crowd explodes in screams and cheers (and a few tears), and the camera zooms in on the blonde couple's entwined tongues.

Up on her Homecoming Queen dais, Taeyeon's eyes narrow.

Jessica pulls back, beaming up at Kris.  Kris smiles awkwardly back, before wiping discreetly at his lips.

"H-HEY!" A furious D.O. pulls himself up onto the float, huffing with exertion.  "Wow, that's a lot of flowers..." he mumbles, momentarily distracted by the extravagent float.

"Excuse me, this is a royalty-only zone." Jessica folds her arms, eyeing the approaching D.O. like a week-old piece of gum. “Kindly get off.”

D.O. takes a deep breath before stalking over, pulling back his fist, and punching Kris in the stomach.

Jessica screams.  Kris blinks. The crowd falls silent.  Exo Local News’ head cameraman motions for his crew to get their equipment closer to the scene.

"Ow!" D.O. whines, clutching at his fist in agony.  Seriously, is Kris' stomach made of steel or something?  Still, he punches Kris again.  And again.  "Stay!" punch.  "Away!" punch. "From!" punch. "Suho!"  

He might was well be attacking a solid wall.

"Oh my god!" Jessica shrieks.  "Someone get this freak off our float!"  On the sidelines, the rest of the cheerleaders are growing equally hysterical...except Taeyeon, who watches with a serene smile as she whispers into Xiumin's ear. And Luhan, who watches Taeyeon with narrowed eyes.

Spurred by the cheerleaders' cries, Exo's jocks convene around the Royal float, where D.O. is clutching at his fist in pain. The camera zooms in to capture the confrontation in HD detail.  

Out of the corner of his eye, D.O. can see the football, basketball, and ice hockey players closing in on him.  He can practically hear their giant knuckles cracking ominously as they approach.  His brain is starting to catch up to his actions. What had he been thinking? He’s not ready to die yet! He hasn't even gotten to cross off a single item on his bucket list. Like auditioning for Top Chef. Becoming the next Food Network star. Publishing his own cookbook.  Visiting New York City...

Well, too late for regrets now. D.O. puts on a brave face and stares tearfully into the camera.

"Mom, Dad, I love you. T-take care of my cookbooks. Everyone, please support Exo's Glee Club.  M-meetings are Wednesdays and Fridays from 3-5pm." he says weakly, before passing out.

---

Toward the end of their musical number, the Glee float is spattered in yellow. Bits of raw egg are dripping down the stage.  But thanks to their umbrellas, the members are mostly protected from the onslaught from their peers.

“Bacon, Chin, keep up the defense. Lay, Kai, time to attack.”

As Baekhyun and Chen continue singing and shielding the rest of the Glee Club with their umbrellas, Chanyeol lugs out a large cart from behind the stage, pulling out eggs the size of grapefuits to Kai and Lay. 

“What the hell are these?”

“Questions later. Fire now!”

Kai, Lay and Chanyeol aim the giant eggs at their attackers with accuracy that would make their basketball captain proud. Gasps and laughter fill the air as the gigantic eggs make contact with their stunned victims.  The news cameras are capturing the egg fight with relish; the town hasn't seen this much action since a wild goose chased the mayor across his inaugural stage last year.

The song ends with a glorious high note harmonization from Chen and Baekhyun.

"Thank you everyone!"

SPLAT!

"HA! Take that! --Oh, I'm on mic? Uh, ahem, hey everyone. Go Glee Club! Go music! Woo!"

“So Bacon, did you get the performance you dreamed of?”  

“Even better!  Did you see all the cameras?  I'm going to be on TV!”  Baekhyun jumps up and down, still high from his performance.  The microphones had projected his and Chen's voices beautifully, and he doesn't think he's ever sang better in his life.  Even Chen puts aside his animosity for a minute to smile at Baekhyun’s excitement.  "I wonder if I can put this on my resume?"

“Why did all the cameras come by our float, though?" Lay wonders. "Shouldn’t they have been following the Royal float?”

“Uh, guys,” Kai calls from the side, where he’s examining the remains of their dripping float.  “What are we going to do with this?  I don’t think any club’s going to want to reuse it.”

“Just dump it.” Baekhyun dismisses.  “It’s fine.  Suho said he’d pay for everything anyway.  Although…how are we going to explain $300 worth of ostrich eggs to him?”

---

"Knock knock."

"Go away," D.O. groans into faceful of foul-smelling pizza.  "Please let me die in peace."

"You really are overdramatic."  There's a loud crunch as someone lands in the garbage pile next to D.O.  D.O. whimpers as he's gently rolled onto his back.  A worried face peers down at him.

"Suho?" D.O. sits up, flopping back down when his back screams in protest.  "Ow!"

"Serves you right." Suho folds his arms. "Seriously, what were you thinking, attacking the Homecoming Prince in broad daylight? Do you have a death wish or something?"

"What--Didn't you see him with that cheerleader?" D.O. demands.  "He's two-timing you!  How can you be so calm about this?”

"Well, let’s see.  First of all, we're not dating." 

“Wh...you’re not?”

“No.  Which I could've informed you, if you hadn’t ignored me for a whole three weeks. Do you have any idea how stressful it’s been, running seventeen clubs on my own?  And I even had to pay these freshmen to cook for me!"

“Suho Kim, I’m not your personal chef!”

Suho is in orator mode now.

“Second of all, do you really think I’d go for someone like Kris?" Suho sniffs, affronted.  "I need someone who can keep up with me intellectually.  Someone whose idea of a stimulating conversation doesn’t involve the latest buy-one-get-one deal from Sports City, or how many cheeseburgers he can eat in one sitting."

Personally, D.O. doubts that anyone can keep up with Suho, intellectually or otherwise.  His friend has the most ridiculous standards for everything. D.O. had made the mistake of going clothes shopping with him once; Suho had walked around the mall carrying a scoring rubric for every type of clothing.  Including socks.  They'd been politely escorted out of GAP after Suho complained about the "substandard thread count."

"Third of all…" Suho sighs, dropping his crossed arms and bending down to sit next to D.O.  "It was still really sweet of you to defend me.  Thank you.  But for your own safety, please don’t try that again.”

D.O. rubs his sore fist sheepishly, making a mental note to hit the gym more often.

“And fourth of all…I’m...sorry.  You're right; I haven't been a great friend.  I guess I'm out of practice...sharing things with people.  But you are my best friend. I should’ve told you that Kris and I…uh…you know..." Suho takes a deep breath.

No, D.O. does not know.  Nor does he really care for a crash course in Suho’s apparently healthy life.

“It’s okay--” he says quickly.

However, Suho seems determined to make up for his failure as a friend. He has that look on his face that he gets before he launches into a long speech.

"I know he's a jerk; it's just that he’s really good at--"

"Ok thank you I get it," D.O. interrupts. “I don’t need the details.”

Silence.

“But seriously, the first time we--“           

“Stop!” D.O. covers his ears. “I’m trying not to throw up in this disgusting dumpster, and you are not helping.”

“Oh. Sorry. Ok. I'll stop."

"Thank you."

"...but speaking of throwing up, can I just say his gag reflex is--”

 “OH my god, I take it all back.  I'm still not speaking to you.” D.O. jumps to his feet, back pain momentarily forgotten as he practically cannonballs into the neighboring dumpster, as far away from Suho as possible.

Here's the actual mashup they did on Glee