Sinister Auras And Evil Plans. (Edited Ver.)

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SOMEONE'S POV:

"Yah CHOI SEIRA! Get your outta your damn room and get here!" Jessica-unnie called out. 'Ugh, why does she have to curse?!' I whined mentally. 'After all, she has no right EVEN IF WE HAVE THE SAME HORVEJKUL BLOOD - But she still has the same blood with THAT GIRL, making me see her in the worst ways possible. Fine, I'll keep up with this. But it won't last for long. ONLY PURE HORVEJKULS AND JIN-OPPA. Just us, since I hate her bossy attitude too. Pfft.' I rolled my eyes while making my way out of my room after undoing the spwll I casted to watch over THEM. HARA: L: JESSICA: KHUN: SEIRA: I went down the stairs and took my usual seat on around the table. "Turkey, eh?" Hara-unnie looked at our breakfast with wide eyes, "Wae unnie? Do you hate turkeys?" I asked, trying to hold in all the laughs. "Ani! I love eating THEM!" She beamed and we all started to eat with L-oppa, Jessica-unnie and Khun-oppa. After finishing the overly-delicious food, we all drank tea at the back garden to kill some more of our time while chattering about our next move. "So how about we PLAN IT PROPERLY this time?" L-oppa gave everyone a glare befre continuing. "Now, any suggestions?" He asked. Seconds of pure and empty silence passed until Hara-unnie raised and waved her hands high up, as if she was desperate in flagging a taxi. I heard L-oppa grunt silently, before lett

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Vampirexy192 #1 Dec 9, 2015 06:44:47

Chapter 11: Oh yeah, I know I comment too much on this but I just wanna add, no need to emphasize too much on every word that seems unnecessary like you give in a bold font or capital letter and reduce the 3 period symbol. It just dragging your sentence. Probably it was a habit to put three dots at the end of sentence. xD Maybe, I assumed. It's okay, everyone make a mistake that they unconsciously did. Even me, myself ^_^ But if you still keep it, it's fine. Everyone has their own styles to write. :D

Vampirexy192 #2 Dec 9, 2015 06:39:34

Chapter 11: First of all, I want to say that the colors actually distract me. I don't mind, it was colorful indeed but I would suggest you do not use yellow color because I couldn't see the word clearly. >.> And I preferred if you name the female main character so you wouldn't have to keep it blank in all you story. Also, the thoughts of a person and the person conversation should be distinguished. Like we can tell that it was her thoughts or she was talking. People's point of view is already considered as expressing their inner minds or thoughts. Unless that person voiced out her opinion in her head loudly as if she was talking to herself. That is different. Like you use this for the "conversation" and thoughts, you can use 'this' or in italic words. Oh! Btw in Chapter 11, the protagonist brother had changed from Baro to Jinyoung? o.o What just happened? That actually confused me, I don't know if you had mistakenly written that. Moreover, it was difficult to you know telling their perspectives especially the Lee's brothers. I was rather puzzled because it seems jumbled up to me. Therefore, the flow of the story is a bit disrupted. I'm just giving my comment not because of I hate it, I just want to point out the mistakes so you can improve and become better. :D I hope you don't take any offence from this. However, the plot story was interesting like I can feel European or Victorian kind of style. Classic and vintage. Hahaha. As well as the mystery behind her amnesia and the history of their descendants. :)