The Reason Why My Heart Became Cold As Ice (Part 2). (Edited Ver.)

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Still Jessica's POV:

I ran as fast as I can to follow the direction from where the voice came. 'Mom! what could be happening right now?!' I was panicky, I even took my heels off as I ran up to the stairs. Then when I finally reached the meeting room, where Mom and Dad said was off-limits for children. Nonetheless, I still decided to barge in, just to see a sight that changed my life forever.

Mom.

Dad.

DEAD.

BLOOD.

DEAD.

Auntie.

Uncle.

I was frozen and glued to where I stood. the scene was too much for my system to absorb. "M-M-MOM! DAD! NO!" I yelled and shook their bodies as if thinking that it could bring them back to life. "Sooyeon dear...It was all an accident. No one wanted it to happen." Auntie my back. 'No one else is in the room except her and Uncle.' That was when I noticed that their hands were stained with blood. 'NO. WAY. NO WAY!' I screamed in my mind, trying to back away form the woman beside me - My Aunt. "Sooyeon dear, your REAL parents planned to kill us. we had no other choice but to defend ourselves." She said in a soft and sorrowful voice. "YOU KILLER! YOU KILLED THEM! YOU KILLED MOM AND DAD!" I yelled and was about to cast a spell on her, since she was the nearest one to me. But before I could even get the cance to give her an attack, I heard a voice whisper to me.

'Come on dear...Do you seriously believe that your parents could do such a thing?'

'They killed your beloved MOM and DAD...'

'They are not supposed to be your family...They purposely did that so that no one would have to argue about the next heiress...'

'They did it for POWER...They wanted to get rid of your parents so that you and Jinyoung would stand no chance to compete for the next heir and heiress of the CLAN'S HISTORY...'

'YOU, Jung Sooyeon, must act upon your DECEASED MOM AND DAD'S WISHES - To dominate the Jung Clan...'

'YOU must AVENGE your PARENTS'

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Vampirexy192 #1 Dec 9, 2015 06:44:47

Chapter 11: Oh yeah, I know I comment too much on this but I just wanna add, no need to emphasize too much on every word that seems unnecessary like you give in a bold font or capital letter and reduce the 3 period symbol. It just dragging your sentence. Probably it was a habit to put three dots at the end of sentence. xD Maybe, I assumed. It's okay, everyone make a mistake that they unconsciously did. Even me, myself ^_^ But if you still keep it, it's fine. Everyone has their own styles to write. :D

Vampirexy192 #2 Dec 9, 2015 06:39:34

Chapter 11: First of all, I want to say that the colors actually distract me. I don't mind, it was colorful indeed but I would suggest you do not use yellow color because I couldn't see the word clearly. >.> And I preferred if you name the female main character so you wouldn't have to keep it blank in all you story. Also, the thoughts of a person and the person conversation should be distinguished. Like we can tell that it was her thoughts or she was talking. People's point of view is already considered as expressing their inner minds or thoughts. Unless that person voiced out her opinion in her head loudly as if she was talking to herself. That is different. Like you use this for the "conversation" and thoughts, you can use 'this' or in italic words. Oh! Btw in Chapter 11, the protagonist brother had changed from Baro to Jinyoung? o.o What just happened? That actually confused me, I don't know if you had mistakenly written that. Moreover, it was difficult to you know telling their perspectives especially the Lee's brothers. I was rather puzzled because it seems jumbled up to me. Therefore, the flow of the story is a bit disrupted. I'm just giving my comment not because of I hate it, I just want to point out the mistakes so you can improve and become better. :D I hope you don't take any offence from this. However, the plot story was interesting like I can feel European or Victorian kind of style. Classic and vintage. Hahaha. As well as the mystery behind her amnesia and the history of their descendants. :)