The Girl Of Mischief And Her Dark Shadow. (Edited Ver.)

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While Seira was in her room, the others were having their own times to theirselves too.

*Hara's Room*

HARA'S POV:

'We finally caught them, but why isn't Joon-oppa still starting to like me? Ahjusshi said that if we capture them, Prince Joon would start to like me.' I puffed my cheeks while grunting. 'That old hag tricked me!' I rolled my eyes in annoyance and frustation while getting up from my lying position on my bed.

'I feel tired of being a Horvejkul at times.' I sighed while walking to my closet to grab my robe and towel. 'I need to wash up. It might make me feel better.' I sighed heavily while proceeding to my bathroom. I was happy to see how nice and perfect everything is arranged.

While plunging into warm water, I felt relaxed. At least, for now, maybe. Being a descendant to this name 'Horvejkul' is indeed such a burden. I mean, I didn't even know how to be mean in the first place. Thanks to being taught by that ahjusshi, I grew up to be an evil yet pretty Hara.

'I wonder, what if I wasn't raised up like this?'

'What if I didn't live as a Horvejkul? But instead, I was a Park, or a Lee, or a Jung?'

'What if I rebelled against my own clan like Jinyoung-oppa?'

I grunted in frustration. 'All of those stuff IS IRRELEVANT. After all that I've done, even if I wanted to turn back now, it'd worthless as hell.' I sank into the tub and then rose up to dry myse

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Vampirexy192 #1 Dec 9, 2015 06:44:47

Chapter 11: Oh yeah, I know I comment too much on this but I just wanna add, no need to emphasize too much on every word that seems unnecessary like you give in a bold font or capital letter and reduce the 3 period symbol. It just dragging your sentence. Probably it was a habit to put three dots at the end of sentence. xD Maybe, I assumed. It's okay, everyone make a mistake that they unconsciously did. Even me, myself ^_^ But if you still keep it, it's fine. Everyone has their own styles to write. :D

Vampirexy192 #2 Dec 9, 2015 06:39:34

Chapter 11: First of all, I want to say that the colors actually distract me. I don't mind, it was colorful indeed but I would suggest you do not use yellow color because I couldn't see the word clearly. >.> And I preferred if you name the female main character so you wouldn't have to keep it blank in all you story. Also, the thoughts of a person and the person conversation should be distinguished. Like we can tell that it was her thoughts or she was talking. People's point of view is already considered as expressing their inner minds or thoughts. Unless that person voiced out her opinion in her head loudly as if she was talking to herself. That is different. Like you use this for the "conversation" and thoughts, you can use 'this' or in italic words. Oh! Btw in Chapter 11, the protagonist brother had changed from Baro to Jinyoung? o.o What just happened? That actually confused me, I don't know if you had mistakenly written that. Moreover, it was difficult to you know telling their perspectives especially the Lee's brothers. I was rather puzzled because it seems jumbled up to me. Therefore, the flow of the story is a bit disrupted. I'm just giving my comment not because of I hate it, I just want to point out the mistakes so you can improve and become better. :D I hope you don't take any offence from this. However, the plot story was interesting like I can feel European or Victorian kind of style. Classic and vintage. Hahaha. As well as the mystery behind her amnesia and the history of their descendants. :)