Half of Me (Is You)

by: kaisooumma

Before we begin, I just wanted to tell you that it's incredibly hard for me to comment on most of the areas for improvement because you're a non-native English speaker. Most of the points I'm going to highlight are easily remedied by getting a beta - so I suggest getting one as soon as possible :D. I know you have friends that read it over but getting the opinion of other people can help as well <3. 

I suggest looking over what I wrote for some parts specifically and scout out in the story as a whole similar scenarios that can be improved as well. 

Characterization (20 Pts)

D.O: Kyungsoo's life is perfect. I get that. But, the way you characterize his personality, you are practically forcing this aspect down my throat. In the beginning especially, you mention this:

                After meeting Jongin, his daily life just becomes even more perfect than before. Although his life never stops to be perfect from the time he’s in his mother's womb till now. For him, everything is just... perfect.

I get it you know? I know you want to convey that nothing can go wrong, to create this conflict that is going to go against this amazing life that he has had. Some of these sentences are just incredible unnecessary. Frankly, if you remove the next two sentences in this block, it wouldn't really change my perspective because I already have an indication that his life is perfect just from reading the first sentence.

I personally feel as if D.O cannot exist without Kai. You have written him so dependent on the younger boy, and that's really not good. Your characters in turn become static, or unchanging. There is no personal growth and the only glimpse we get of them are when they are together.

Kai: I feel the same way about Kai as I do with D.O. I think it's even worse. This guy is consumed by his love for Kyungsoo and you've written him that way which is good. But, he doesn't feel like a main character. How is he without Kyungsoo? The only things I know of him are that he wants to marry D.O, and that he is good in school. That's practically it. I want to see his relationships with other people.

Score:  10/20

Plot (20 Pts)

Plot-wise you have done a really good job in attracting the attention of the reader. There is enough mystery/angst, and the characters are interesting enough.

I liked your delivery of the introduction in that you didn't waste time in creating a backstory. Sometimes stories benefit from creating a back story, so tha