Calling RedGuitarist
★ The Lucky Star ★ Review Shop [CLOSED / Filling Out Requests]Being Afflicted
by: RedGuitarist
Characterization (20 Pts)
Hyun Ji is clearly flawed by the way you've written her so far: she's often consumed by this boy in her dreams and by the nagging pain that pierces through her head at almost every moment of her daily life. She remains a mystery, something I know you've done intentionally. She's kept my interest as a character and I want to know more about her. That's a success in my book.
I can't comment on the other characters simply because there are no descriptions of them. The chapters you have so far are revolving around your female protagonist, with the main cast acting simply as support. That can be remedied in the next couple of chapters by maybe focusing on the formation of the friendship of the boys and a clear demarcation on their separate personalities.
Score: 15/20
Plot (20 Pts)
The introduction was amazing. That dream sequence that Hyun Ji had was realistic, well written, and frankly unsettling. It got me hooked.
Your world building was just flat out fantastic. The descriptive writing that you employed almost throughout the whole story - or at least in the chapters that you've done so far, was well thought out. I envisioned myself in the protagonist's world and that's really hard to do in general. It takes talent to immerse readers into the author's world and you've successfully done that.
The pacing of your chapters so far is fine, it doesn't feel lagging at all. However, I personally think that some of the chapters are fillers to be honest, no real contribution except for world building - I suggest ensuring that this trend does not continue because readers will surely lose interest.
Seeing as this story is not yet done, I've only gotten a glimpse of your whole plot but the setting is perfect, you've established the conflict but have yet written a and a resolution - Being Afflicted is a story that will tug at your own misfortunes and will gather sympathy just when you expect it least.
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