Jinki couldn't believe his eyes when he stumbled upon Kibum and Taemin conversing quietly in the living room. Taemin had returned very late last night having visited Minho and despite given the rest of the day off. Jinki did not complain. In fact he was grateful because Hyeon was acting up again. He still couldn't comprehend the scene before him but it brought a small to his face nonetheless. 

"Hey you!” He knocked gently on the door, garnering their attention. Taemin beamed at him and Kibum had a small smile on his face. Hyeon was sleeping in his chair to the side.  Jinki’s heart softened when he saw a happier Kibum as opposed to the one who upset him the night before.

"Kibum may I see you for a bit?"He nodded and followed Jinki out of Taemin’s view. As soon as Jinki felt comfortable he whirled around grabbed onto Kibum's face careful to not hurt him in anyway and planted a kiss to the lips. The spontaneity had Kibum surprised but he soon relaxed and hummed quietly as Jinki continued to kiss him.

"I love you." He said, leaning his for head against Kibum's. "You know that right?" 

Kibum's eyes danced back and forth in the morning rays filtering through the panel doors behind them
grin tugged at Kibum's lips and he nodded. Their lips met in a kiss and which had the shorter sighing and Jinki taking it in. If it were so simple to transfer some of the burden Kibum had to bear. If only kisses that they exchanged could somehow compensate their current ordeal. Hands deprived of intimate touches, caresses travel downward and fingers looped in Kibum’s buckle. The skin under his palms felt foreign to an extend because when was the last time they’d been so close, to touch, to breathe each other in as if their life depended on it without someone’s sensitivity being attacked and speech dissolving to quiet mumbles which further dissolved to permeated tension.

“Forever.” That long. Too long. So as Jinki’s fingers continued to probe, they undid Kibum’s belt which had the latter gasping in surprise but made no attempt to interrupt. Soon, Kibum was gasping, thrashing his head to the side unable to remain quiet as his husband worked his hands below whilst kissing him. He was getting high off of Jinki’s affection and right there at that moment a montage of them doing this every day, every day when they’d just gotten their new house prior to Hyeon’s birth. Alive. That was how he felt, how he wanted to feel, how he wanted to feel aga-

“Jinki?”

 Taemin’s call had them breaking apart in an instant. Taemin’s curious eyes hurried to see Kibum in a dishevel and quite compromising state as he tidied himself in haste. Shame covered Jinki’s flushed face, and he quickly looked away, feeling guilty to have Taemin see them that way. They exchanged a few hushed words before Kibum scampered off not being able to be in Taemin’s presence any longer.

“Jinki.” Taemin called again. The man took a deep breath and turned around, his face still red from embarrassment.

“You missed two phone calls while you were…” Taemin began and Jinki nodded, his heart still beating at an erratic rate. “I wasn’t going to answer but the calls were insistent so here I believe it’s important like the person said.”

Jinki took the phone from Jinki outstretched hand and checked for himself to see that it was from a potential investor.

“Thanks so much, Taemin.” The grin on his face had Taemin smiling as well. Jinki was about to leave for his office when he remembered the situation Taemin stumbled upon.

“I’m sorry you had to see that.” His voice meek and unsure.

Taemin brushed it off and nodded. “No, I’m at fault. I should’ve have..” He paused feeling guilty. Jinki laughed and patted his shoulder telling him it was fine and that they should forget about it. Taemin said he already had which made Jinki feel a lot lighter and he soon left. Taemin stood in place for a moment, collecting his thoughts and the scene on replay in his mind. It was so vivid, so intimate, so…disturbing.

For the remainder of the day Kibum behaved civilly talking to Taemin and helping around and such which had Taemin wondering what was the former’s inspiration for that day. He was skeptical, and wondering what Kibum was aiming at , what was his motive or was he trying to be more pleasant. Maybe Jinki had given him a good talk. He smiled at that thought.

When he entered the Kitchen, he saw Kibum washing up. It was time to feed Hyeon so he sauntered to the fridge.

“I fed him already.” Kibum offered.

Puzzled, Taemin closed the fridge and spared a glance. “Already?” Kibum nodded.

“And I’ve already put him to sleep.” Kibum wore a proud smile which had Taemin anger boiling a little. Hyeon was already taken care of so he wasn’t needed. It was disappointing since he always looked forward to spending time the baby boy, with Jinki’s son. It felt fulfilling to know that Jinki trusted him with his son’s life to the point where he started imaging silly scenarios. Like being pregnant, while caring for Hyeon. Jinki would come home, kiss his swollen tummy and massage his feet whilst Kibum slaved over the stove, struggling to prepare their meals. Sometimes he had to bring himself back to reality and sink a litter further in sadness.

“But did you use the bottle-”

“I said he’s fine.” Kibum snapped and dropped the plate he was washing recklessly. “I’ve fed him and he’s now asleep. You can rest if you want.” The narrowed eyes and taut lips were enough to have Taemin slipping out and lounging by the pool.

“.” But only the ears of the wind were listeners to his one worded response.

****

“Wow.” Jinki exclaimed when he emerged from the shower to find a y, very y Kibum lying in the centre of their bed. The room was illuminated by scented candles placed at the four bed posters. The aroma was pleasant and his husband wearing those red stilettos he bought one time when they were trying new things along with the—and the-- was OH MY GOD! He soon found himself thinking what he did to deserve the delicious treat he was about to devour.

“Come here, big boy.” Kibum beckoned him with the bending of the index finger and Jinki was at  lost for words, moving forward to being engulfed in Kibum’s embrace. They shared a light kiss. “I’m sorry about last night. I was wrong and selfish.”

Jinki silenced him with a longer kiss. “That doesn’t matter now.” Kibum wore a toothless smile and pulled down the older on top of him. If was if their skins were slicked in gasoline and lit a fire, the heat radiating and consuming them in the long-awaited passion that made them one.

***

Suffering from a nightmare that had him covered in cold sweat, Kibum groggily got to his feet. The clock read 2:30am and he sighed loudly. Jinki wouldn’t have woken up if there was even an earthquake after a night of intense love-making. He silently made his way to the kitchen bare feet and was shocked to find the living room still flooded in light at that time of the day.

“You’re up early.” Kibum smiled and took a jug of milk from the fridge.

Taemin turned around and nodded. Kibum drank and took a seat beside Taemin, who hid his journal beneath one of the cushions.

“What are you doing up?” Despite being scared less a few moments ago by his own subconscious , Kibum was in a good mood thanks to Jinki.

“Just thinning. I think well when it’s extremely quiet.”

“Ugh.” Kibum dismissed. “So tell me do you have a boyfriend?”

Taken aback by the sudden interest in his life, much less  his private life Taemin nodded again.

“Now tell me , don’t you want to be married, have a family of your own, have a man to keep you warm and to hold you tight?”

“Of course!” It came out a bit louder than he intended. “Of course.” Those narrowed eyes looked at him again, full of judgment and scrutiny and Taemin had to look away for it seemed that Kibum was invading a part of him that he liked to keep hidden.

“Jinki’s so perfect!” The husband clapped and a satisfide sigh escaped his lips. “He’s the most understanding guy I’ve ever met.The best and most loving husband I could ever ask for. And with Hyeon, he’s just a prince charming. At times I just want to get pregnant and give like a million babies because he’s so gentle and caring. My precious Jinki.”

Taemin bit his tongue at the other’s gloating. What this the same man who broke down the other night because he couldn’t quiet his own baby. The same who had it difficult to bond wth Hyoen without crumbling and crying his heart out for Jinki. Was it the same incapable parent, Taemin thought bitterly. “You sure do have a lovely spouse.”

Kibum released a raucous laugh so vulgar and unlike him.”Yes and he’s all mine.” He stressed the last word which had Taemin’s eyes widening at being found out. Careless. He had been careless around Jinki around the household. His emotions had been too transparent, too lucid that even a man plagued by post partum depression could see right through him and know he’d caught feelings.

“I take it that you loot forward to when you have a family of you own?”

Taemin wanted to dig himself a hole and hide in it. Kibum spoke to him like he would to child which only exacerbated his already inferior complex. “Of course.” He said for the third time.

“What does Jinki see in him?”

***

The next day was chaotic with Hyeon having bouts of diarrhea and crying endlessly which easily frustrated Kibum. However Jinki had gone to work and therefore was unavailable  to rescue him. Taemin merely supplied one worded responses to Kibum’s frantic questions, still upset from their conversation earlier that morning.

When Hyeon didn’t relax, Taemin telephoned Jinki who returned within half an hour.

“I think he’s sick.” Taemin suggested. Jinki rubbed his temples and blinked. “But I don’t know what’s wrong with him. Las time I fed him, he-” Taemin stopped remembering that Kibum had fed the baby the entire day yesterday.

“Kibum?” He called earning a scared look from the man. “Did you feed Hyeon from a bottle that was standing on the kitchen counter yesterday?”

“Yes, yes I did.” He answered, unsure of what Taemin was getting at.

The youngest brought a hand to his forehead in disbelief. “Kibum, that bottle was dirty! I placed it there because I was going to wash up.”

“You fed him with a dirty bottle?” Jinki inquired. It was evident he was holding himself back from lashing out at anyone at the moment.

Kibum, feeling somewhat attacked, was lost for words. “I-I  didn’t know. I wanted to feed him and that’s what I did.”

“And you made him sick!” Jinki shouted, startling both Taemin and Kibum and himself included.

The tears welled up in Kibum’s eyes and clouded his vision and he scurried upstairs.

Jinki immediately regretted what he did. “Oh my God. I’m such a prick!” He looked so defeated and hopeless Taemin couldn’t help but hug him and Jinki was grateful. The deal with Lee SooMan had him on the edge of his seat and lost of a sea of uncertainty. He had suspended their meeting and run home because of serious news regarding his son, his firstborn.

“Thanks Taemin.” He patted Taemin’s back and disengaged himself. “I’ll take Hyeon to the doctor right away.” He cleared his throat. “I’ll deal with Kibum later.” He swallowed. Taemin admired his selflessness. “As a matter of fact, I’ll get him and we’ll go together. He’s innocent in all of this.” Taemin kind of deflated at the last part but sported a smile anyway.

There was nothing he could do as Jinki rushed out, car seat in Hand with a sleeping Hyeon and an arm across a sad Kibum who didn’t even spare him a glance.

Kibum was so lucky and Taemin knowing he’d always be on the sidelines, a faithful spectator to their life as he wished for one just the same despite temporary illness.