Haven’t you ever been like this when you felt lonely?
Haven’t you ever been like this when tears fall?
 

My friends were around me. They made me smile and laugh but deep inside I was too broken and lonely. I shut myself from the world. Kris was the only person I wanted.

When he left me. He took a great part of me and left me in pieces. He was my whole life. I couldn’t breathe because it was too painful.

It was like breathing under water.

But there was a time when I saw Kris cry in a corner. I could feel that it was hard for him too.

“you want to know the reason why I broke up with you?” Kris asked me

“yes.” I whispered. Tears b my eyes

“my friends say you weren’t enough for me. You’re not that physically attractive compared to my exes.” He mumbles

“I understand.”

I was fat, insecure with the world, I have low self-esteem. I didn’t believe in myself. I wasn’t fair skinned. I wasn’t attractive. I was worthless.

He wasn’t proud of me.

His friends wanted him to have a girlfriend that he could show-off to the world, and I wasn’t qualified.

I mopped around and cried every single day because of that. I didn’t eat much or drink much. I practically wasted away because I wanted to lose weight but sadly, I got sick and was rushed to the hospital.

I suffered from dehydration and had ulcer. I also suffered from depression.

I struggled every single day.

I kept holding my tears back.

Heechul would force feed me.

Myungsoo would drag me to the court so that I’ll play volleyball.

Donghae would sing me songs whenever I broke down

Sungmin would hug me whenever I spaced out.

I was no longer the happy-go-lucky, loving, thoughtful person they knew.

I was a living zombie.

I had no heart.

I turned into a cold monster.

I kept on shutting everyone out of my life.

I built a wall around me.