There was one thing Kim was sure of, even though actually she would be glad if she was wrong, so it was like her guilty pleasure. Her feeling toward that was split into half. Honestly she found it really human, understandable, or even somehow favourable. But in the same time she found it wrong, insane, and nonsense.

What she was seeing at the moment was one of the so many proofs of it. She couldn’t help but cringe a little at her thoughts.

In front of her there was Jessica with some printed photos in her hands. Her expression said it all. She was angry, furious, upset, and most of all, Kim could clearly tell,

Jealous.

“When was this?”

Jessica’s low but sharp voice snapped Kim back to reality. She went blank for a second but decided to answer quickly because the Jessica she was facing now would kill her if she dared to joke at the latter.

“Yesterday. I honestly thought you knew. But… I guess you didn’t.” Kim bit her lip, “Well then, now you know.”

Because Jessica kept mum, Kim continued,

“There were a lot of things happened that I assume you probably didn’t know. Not severe things, but you most-likely would put those into one. She’s practically out of your sight nowadays, right? It’s not unreasoned. She’s been with this girl, like everywhere she goes. It became way suspicious because she never brought anyone else with them.”

Heavily, Jessica breathed. Kim was right. It wasn’t like Jessica had no idea, she had assumptions, but decided to ignore it because probably her own feelings got involved in, but turned out those were the truth. The reason Tiffany was, somehow, out of her sight, far from her reach the past times was because of that girl, Kwon Yuri.

Turning her head to the window, Jessica dropped down her hand. She couldn’t stand staring at those printed photos of Tiffany and Kwon Yuri. They walked together, okay. They ate together, even fed each other, those were normal. They held hands, most girls do that. But then they kissed. Jessica couldn’t find any forgiveness in herself anymore.

How could she not know anything? Why hadn’t Tiffany told her? She was her sister, her only family, she had all the rights to know every single thing Tiffany experienced. And no, Tiffany was never like this before.

Things were getting out of hand lately. Tiffany almost always lied to her. She said she was going here, turned out she went there. She said she was going to do this, turned out she did that. Jessica knew, of course she did. But too bad she couldn’t do anything about that. They also rarely talked. Tiffany always seemed so tired when she got home and went straight to her room without any words. Jessica noticed it all.

And not to mention that time also had flown leaving them. They didn’t have much time until the countdown ends. Jessica was supposed to always stay by Tiffany’s side, physically. But with this situation, how was she supposed to keep up? Following her around like a stalker? She couldn’t. She was a sister and that was all.

The thoughts made Jessica’s anger boiled even more. Kim quickly patted her shoulders from behind and massaged it gently.

“Hey, calm down. It’s not your fault, Jung. You know that.”

Jessica clenched her jaw, “She never told me anything. I didn’t even know--”

“I know, I know.” Kim nodded her head, “I’m sure you can fix this. I mean, you know it’s not wrong for her to date, it’s not the main point, but if she keeps going on like this, it won’t be good. The time is close. She can’t be away from you.”

Not the main point… the time is close… can’t be away from you…

The words echoed in Jessica’s ears in a blur pattern. Jessica closed her eyes. What Kim said was true, but she couldn’t bring herself to fully agree. She knew she was feeling something else that she wasn’t supposed to be. And it hurt. It hurt her so much knowing she had unnecessary feelings like that.

What are you doing to yourself?

When she felt a pair of arms circling her neck and Kim’s hair tickling her cheek, she could finally relax a bit. Kim hugged her from behind, even though still in silence, Jessica knew her colleague could tell how she was feeling.

“You have the hardest job out of us, Jung. All of us.” Kim then whispered, it didn’t sound like the playful her but Jessica didn’t question it, “But… hold on for a little longer, please? We’re almost there. It’s almost done.”

Jessica nodded. Yes, they were almost there. It was almost done.

She took a hold of Kim’s arm and loosened it to turn around and face the shorter woman. She was lucky she had Kim. Even though she could be hell of annoying most times, but if it wasn’t for Kim, Jessica would’ve lost her mind since long time ago.

“Yeah.” Jessica then said, suppressing a forced smile that looked so bitter, “Almost.”

-

“What? Are you serious?”

Jessica plunged a quite huge amount of pancake into as she kept walking back and forth in the kitchen. Just like usual, she had her earphone on. Kim told her not to neglect it anymore because they wouldn’t have time for phone calls. That was true, though. As long as it was Kim, Jessica wouldn’t mind.

Once again Jessica walked to the living room and looked up to upstairs. Tiffany’s room was still shut closed. There was still no sign of the girl. Jessica sighed. Waking up late in Sunday was uncommon for Tiffany.

“She’s still sleeping. Don’t worry. I can guarantee that.” Kim said.

Cringing, Jessica returned to the kitchen, “You seriously sound like a total creep. I feel like I’m totally exposed to you.”

“Shut up. It’s not like my focus is on you anyway.” She could hear Kim yawned as she continued, “And anyway Jung, yes, I was serious.”

Again, Jessica cringed. Kim had asked, no, programmed both of them to be online 24/7. It meant that they could hear each other all the time through their earphones. Every time one of them talked, another would hear. And in other words, they could talk to each other anytime they want. It was like a phone call for 24/7.

And it wasn’t like that before. They would have to call each other first before talking.

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but you sound more paranoid that me.” She joked.

Jessica thought Kim would retort, would exclaim her defend, but she got silence instead. She frowned. Was the connection interrupted? She was about to check before she heard Kim’s heavy breath from the other line. Jessica stilled.

“Jung, I’m doing it for you too.” Kim then said, her voice sounded strange, hesitating.

“What do you mean?” Jessica frowned even more. Her hand grabbed the knife and fork to slice another bite of the pancake.

“You may disagree, but I can’t let you face this alone. At least I could help a little bit.”

“What do you mean by this? Tiffany? I’ve been with her all this time, Kim. Why can’t I face her this time?”

“No, it’s not that. Listen, there are things you still don’t know, and it’s hard for me to explain because sooner or later you’ll know. Yes, it’s about Tiffany and no, it’s not a good thing. It would hurt you, much more than it did to me.”

She had sliced the pancake but suddenly it didn’t look that delicious for her anymore. Jessica gripped the fork in her hand.

“How do you know that I’d be hurt?”

Do you even know how hurt I already am now?

“I know more than you think.” Kim said in the same, flat tone, “Others may don’t, but I do. How many times have I already said that we’re only humans? That you’re only human, Jung? Others may don’t-- won’t understand, but I do.”

Jessica’s grip became tighter, “I don’t know what you’re talking--”

“It hurts seeing her pushing you away, right?”

Silenced, Jessica put the fork down with a muffled sigh. Kim knew. It wasn’t too shocking, but it still felt weird for her. What was Kim, a mind-reader? How could she know Jessica even more than herself? Jessica had been living in denial for years, caging herself not to let herself cross the forbidden line, but now Kim, in an instant, destroyed her struggle right away. She knew. It kept repeating in Jessica’s head. She knew.

“When you wish your last times before the countdown ends with her could be somewhat memorable, she says the opposite. And you could only stand there, watching her walk away because you’re supposed to be only a sister.”

“Kim.” Jessica breathed, “Don’t remind me.”

Kim paused for a second before, “I’m sorry.”

“I’m going to be fine. Well, no guarantee, but at least in front of her. I appreciate you, so much. So can you help me with that?”

“I will. Just hang a little bit longer. We’ll be there soon.”

Jessica nodded, “Yeah, I know. I would-- oh, she woke up.”

Hearing some noises from upstairs, Jessica knew Tiffany had woken up. She and Kim stopped talking immediately. Jessica ate the pancake again after she heard her stomach growling and soon continued what she was doing in the kitchen.

Minutes later she heard some rushed footsteps from upstairs. She peeked to the living room and saw Tiffany running down the stairs. She was about to greet the girl but her smile faded when she saw Tiffany headed straight to the front door.

“Where are you going?” Jessica asked. Even though her voice was low, it could still be heard clearly.

Tiffany froze. She seemed surprised before she turned around and met Jessica’s mixed gaze. The older one blinked. Tiffany looked somehow… different.

“To my friend’s house. I’m late. My phone’s battery died and the alarm didn’t f-- ring.” She gritted her teeth, “I have to go.”

She almost cussed. As Jessica remembered she never once allowed Tiffany to cuss. And a friend? Tiffany always mentioned the name if it was only one person.

God, how much have you changed in a short time?

“Eat your breakfast first, then I’ll drive you.”

“No, I’ve already promised to eat breakfast at her house, Jessi.” Tiffany walked away again, “And you don’t have to drive me. She picked me up.”

“But I’ve cooked for you.”

“Well, uh--” Tiffany grabbed the doorknob and turned slightly to Jessica, “Sorry. I should’ve told you yesterday.”

It was Jessica’s turn to grit her teeth but she let it slide. She soon followed Tiffany to outside the house. The girl opened the front gate, both of them had the remote, and Jessica narrowed her eyes seeing who was outside. Who else?

“Uh… okay, then. Bye, Jessi.”

Tiffany awkwardly bid her goodbye to Jessica before she walked to the girl, Kwon Yuri. Jessica didn’t answer her. She kept her eyes on Yuri and this time, unlike before, Yuri returned the same cold gaze. She only bowed slightly to Jessica, which the latter didn’t bother to return.

“Let them.” She heard Kim said, “They’ll save with me.”

With another sigh, Jessica pressed the remote to close the front gate and walked back inside. The pancake she made for Tiffany was waiting for her to be eaten.

-

Once again Jessica looked to the clock hanging on the wall. It was 8PM. And Tiffany still hadn’t gone home. It was beyond her patience. Kim kept telling her not to go after the girl and her friend because it was a casual meet up. But it was freaking 8PM and Tiffany didn’t answer her calls.

“Where are they?” She asked.

“Uh, wait.” She could hear Kim’s fingers typing, “They’re on their way. Oh, I didn’t know this Kwon Yuri actually drives a car. Like, a real car.”

“What kind of high school student drives a damn car.”

“Well, you can actually if you have driver license, but I don’t think she has, though.” Kim chortled, “Anyway, I’m serious they’re on their way. Twenty minutes maximum arrival.”

“Okay.”

Jessica tapped her fingers on the dining table and eyed the clock anxiously. This was going to be the last time. Everything was getting out of control nowadays. Whether Tiffany agreed or not, Jessica would force her to do things as the latter wished after this. It was for her safety. Nonetheless, Jessica was the most responsible of Tiffany’s well-being. And as a sister she could tell Tiffany what to and not to do. She definitely would.

She shifted uncomfortably on her seat. Suddenly her curious thoughts started attacking. It would be fine. She rarely use that, it didn’t make her a stalker. And it wasn’t going to be the first time either.

So carefully, she sneaked her finger to her earphone.

“Uh-oh, wait. I don’t think you should--”

“No, it’s going to be fine.”

Ignoring Kim, she pressed the button.

And Tiffany’s loud laughter entered her poor ear immediately.

“I know, right?! It was so funny!”

Eavesdropping, one of Jessica’s privilege as Tiffany’s sister. She could hear Tiffany’s conversation with other people through her earphone. The last time she did this was when the first time she met Kwon Yuri at the school. Her boss and Kim didn’t recommend it actually, because then again, Tiffany might need some privacy. So Jessica rarely used it. Just when her curious thoughts became very, very uncontrollable.

Just like now.

“By the way, do you want to eat dinner with me tomorrow? I’ll drive you. I know a perfect place for dinner around here. I bet you’ve never been there.”

Jessica scoffed. So that was how Yuri hit on Tiffany.

“Of course I want to! Wow, you know this city better than I do! It must be fun! But…” A sigh, came from Tiffany, “I don’t know if Jessi would let me. I’ll talk to her later. Hopefully she wouldn’t mind.”

“Okay… but, does she even know? About us, I mean.”

“No. I haven’t… told her.”

“Oh… that’s okay. I mean, you’re a big girl after all. You can do things on your own.”

Jessica raised her eyebrows. What?

“But are you sure about that? Yul, I always tell her everything, like every detail. You know that, right?”

“I know. That’s why you should change it.”

A frown was formed on Jessica’s face.

“Fany, you’re in your last year of high school yet you never once rode a bus, skipped classes, made a mess, joined parties, like, where’s the fun in that?”

Jessica frowned even more.

“She made your life so flat until it bores me. Have fun sometimes! If she doesn’t let you then try not to get caught! That’s the correct way to live your life, Fany. And I bet your sister never once did things like that. She’s too damn strict.”

“Yeah, you’re kind of… right.” Tiffany chuckled, “What have I been doing all this time with her, huh?”

What? Jessica blinked. What did Tiffany just say?

“It’s always like, wake up in the morning, then go to school, then study, then go home, then study again, then sleep, and so on for my whole life. Not to mention she had switched me to many schools just because of the security system like, what the hell?” A scoff, “Next time she should hire a personal bodyguard for me then.”

Both of the girls laughed. Jessica balled her fists.

“That . I only switched once and if it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t want to stay longer. I can’t believe there are still people like your sister. And here I thought my mom is the strictest mother in the whole universe.”

“Nah. Your mother is nothing like Jessi. She’s way, way too strict.” Tiffany sighed again, “And you know what? Now I just wish she’d get married soon so I could somehow, live more freely without her.”

Their laughter next jabbed Jessica right away. What was that? What the hell was that? Jessica put both elbows on the dining table and covered her face with her palms. She sighed deeply. So, very deep, it hurt her chest. So that was how much Tiffany had changed. In a short amount of time, Jessica felt like Tiffany was someone else.

And it hurt. Badly. Jessica even pitied herself now.

She said she wanted to live freely, huh? Jessica scoffed. Go live freely, then. Go stay by your own. Without Jessica, only God knows what would happen to you. Without Jessica staying by your side, you wouldn’t have much time to know who you really are.

“Oh, we’re here.”

Their next conversation was a blur for Jessica until she heard Yuri said that, followed by the sound of the front gate being opened. They were there already. Jessica quickly pressed the button again to turn off the eavesdrop mode. She didn’t want to hear anything anymore. She was too angry until she was afraid couldn’t control herself.

Slowly, she leaned her back and closed her eyes. It was a bad decision. She shouldn’t have done that. Now, how could she face Tiffany? She couldn’t show her anger. She was supposed to be clueless.

But she had to talk to her. She must.

Hurriedly, she stood up from her seat and walked to the front door.

“Jung! No, don’t! If I were you I wouldn’t go out now, please--”

Still, ignoring Kim, Jessica opened the door and her eyes caught something she never expected herself to witness.

Her eyes widened. It felt like someone had laid a punch on her chest, because it felt so heavy in all sudden. So this was why Kim told her not to go out. Jessica didn’t know if she regretted it or not. Again, another shouldn’t have.

She shouldn’t have seen Tiffany kissing Yuri with her own eyes.

Her hand gripped the doorknob tightly. She never felt this angry before.

Both the girls pulled away from each other after seeing Jessica. They both put their heads down in fear, but it was too late. Jessica saw it all. She clearly did.

“You.” Jessica pointed at Tiffany, “Get inside. Now.”

Tiffany hesitantly walked to Jessica, but she turned her head to Yuri slightly.

“And you.” Jessica’s finger moved to Yuri, “Get lost.”

Tiffany was about to argue but seeing how angry Jessica was, she shut tight. Meanwhile Yuri didn’t even move an inch.

“I said get lost! Are you deaf?!”

Jessica raised her voice and it surprised the two girls. Yuri suddenly became pale as she quickly got inside her car and soon drove away. Jessica, holding her anger, walked in first followed by Tiffany. The younger girl closed the door after her and gulped. Jessica had her back facing the girl. She had to control herself.

“What was that?” She asked Tiffany.

“Uh…” The girl hesitated, “it’s not like what you think, Jessi. I… I can explain…”

Now I just wish she’d get married soon so I could somehow, live more freely without her…

Those words suddenly replayed in Jessica’s head, making her boiling anger almost reached its’ limit. Jessica turned around and Tiffany quickly looked down. That wasn’t a good idea. Jessica had to regain her self-control after her eyes caught the sight of Tiffany’s lips. And it reminded her of how it had kissed someone else’s right in front of her.

“And you didn’t tell me.” Jessica mumbled, trying to sound as calm as she could, “And I didn’t know anything. And I--”

Do you know how it feels for me who loves you, only you?

“Fany, how long has it been?” Her tone changed, she sounded like pleading, “What did I do wrong? Why am I this clueless?”

“Why should I tell you everything?!” Tiffany suddenly retorted, “I’m not a little girl anymore, Jessi, how long will it take for you to realize that?! Why do you always treat me like one?! Do you think I can stand it?!”

Jessica had slightly opened. Great. Tiffany could even fight back now.

“You weren’t like this before you met that girl! What? What did she say about me?! What did she teach you?! What have you done all this time that I don’t even know?!”

“It’s not even your business!”

“How could it’s not?! What does she know about you, about me, us?! How could you listen to her better than you do to me?!”

“Because she understands me!”

“What don’t I understand from you, Tiffany?!” Jessica’s voice raised even more, “What don’t I listen from you, huh?!”

It’s YOU who don’t understand me!

“You’ve changed. You may not notice, but I do. And I don’t want that. I don’t want you to change. What? Because you’re a big girl now? Is that what you’re going to say?”

“Can’t you just give me a chance?! I can go by my own, it’s just you never trusted me!”

“It’s not like that! You don’t understand! I can’t just let you go because you’re not just you! You can’t go anywhere without me--”

“Jung, stop. Stop now.”

Jessica stopped immediately. She almost forgot Kim was still there.

“And that’s what I hate from you! You said I don’t understand, but what is that?! You never explained anything! All you said is because I’m the only one you have, I’m your only family, we only have each other, but does that mean you can be this paranoid?! I can take care of myself better than you think!”

“No you can’t! You won’t understand--”

“Jung please, I said stop!”

Jessica then groaned loudly and it surprised Tiffany. She ran her hands through her hair, turning around to calm herself. Her urge to just crush the earphone was that strong but Tiffany was still there. She couldn’t let her know before the countdown ends.

Seconds later, Jessica pointed to the stairs as she ordered, “Go to your room. Now.”

She could hear Tiffany’s scoff, “Great. I won’t talk to you again after this!”

Grumpily, Tiffany walked with stomping her feet to upstairs. Jessica stood still until she heard Tiffany’s bedroom door being slammed loudly. She closed her eyes. That was probably, one of their biggest fights. Or even, the biggest one. Tiffany did retort sometimes, but she never once raised her voice at Jessica before.

“Hey, I know you’re upset but--”

Gritting her teeth, Jessica took off her earphone and threw it carelessly. She didn’t want to talk to anybody. She was upset already. There was nothing, not even Tiffany, could calm her except herself. Her feeling was a total mix. Anger, disappointment, hopelessness, and of course, jealousy.

She had no energy left when she walked to the kitchen to drink a glass of water. It’s okay, she said to herself. She can stand it. She loved Tiffany too much. She would never let her hurt. The girl might not know, but she still needed Jessica.

Still. Because Jessica was almost there. It was almost done.

Almost.

****

Hmm... writing angst is enjoyable but tiring at the same time.

By the way, what do you think of f(x)'s Red Light? I personally think the MV is great but the song is...