It was Thursday evening. The sky was clear, not that I particularly gave a damn. I was checking over the report PedoWoman ( a.k.a Sandara Park ) had written this afternoon when I saw my IM pop-up notification. It was from Seungri, he had been one of my best buddies since we were unable to walk. Along with Youngbae and Daesung and another Seunghyun, we had filled our childhood with various acts of delinquency. Though Youngbae was the first one who snappd out of our childhood dreamland and grew up, I could almost say that Seungri was the "most matured" one.

seungriseyo: Jiyong Hyung!

xxxibgdrgn: What the , Seunghyun? Which ancient dickhead in this modern digitized contemporaneity still has the balls to use IM?

seungriseyo: Why didn't you delete yours then?

xxxibgdrgn: I figured out that it was way simpler to use than those Line, Whatsapp, Kakao s. How have you been?

seungriseyo: Great, hyung! I met someone very fascinating and hot and arousing and pretty and beautiful and demure while I was traveling around Paris! Her name's Lee Chaerin, and she was one heck of a woman. She was hard to approach! She didn't know I was the owner of Victori Enterprises.

xxxibgdrgn: Classy, bet she was lying.

seungriseyo: :( she did not.

xxxibgdrgn: Maybe she ing lived her life as internet-less beggar in the subway station. Not knowing who Lee Seunghyun is when one is a Korean living in the 21st century is like not knowing that your biological mother and father ed in order to fertilize an egg that is you.

seungriseyo: You are rude, hyung! Anyway, I heard from Youngbae Hyung that you got a pretty secretary. A maiden, he said.

xxxibgdrgn:  Maiden? For the love of all preserved castrated balls, she was not. She was secretly a ic old woman who got her face lifted with botox every Sunday.

seungriseyo: :O

xxxibgdrgn sent a picture message!

seungriseyo: Whoa, Hyung! She is a catch! Are you sure she is 30?

xxxibgdrgn: How in the do you know that she's 30?

seungriseyo: I had my sources ;)

xxxibgdrgn: But she wasn't really that bad. She never chickened out when I told her off, nor did she complain when I asked her to work till 3 a.m. Given the fact that her brain was slowly losing the ability to store memories due to her age, she rarely forgot things I told her. Except today, she ing spilled a cup of coffee all over my Balmain shirt and I told her to take a T-shirt from the warehouse. She gave me the XXXL size.

xxxibgdrgn sent a picture message!

seungriseyo: *rolling on the floor laughing myself to death*

xxxibgdrgn: I hate hyperbolic inflated .

seungriseyo: Sorry, hyung! I just... can't LOLOLOL.

xxxibgdrgn: Did I told you that she asked me what does castrated mean?

seungriseyo: I would love to have a secretary like her!

xxxibgdrgn:  Too bad, she chose my company over yours.

seungriseyo: S'alright, I would just try to make this Lee Chaerin lady my secretary.

xxxibgdrgn: No one wants to work under your erted balls. Anyway, I told her that her English was horrible and she had to start learning over it again. Her English was actually okay. I was telling her to do that just for the heck of it. Because I could. Because I am his boss. I mean, c'mon, which brainless bastard would use words like 'digitized contemporaneity' and 'infernal coesis' in their reports?

seungriseyo: ... I wondered how did you know words like 'digitized contemporaneity' since the Kwon Jiyong I knew had never used any other language but profanity.

xxxibgdrgn:  you.

seungriseyo: Don't me, I am saving my ballocks for someone special.

xxxibgdrgn: Excuse you, you are about as as a full-time e. 

seungriseyo: Right back at you, Hyung. OH MY! Have you ed your secretary yet?

xxxibgdrgn: I wouldn't stoop that low to make love with a ic  old woman.

seungriseyo: How do you know she is ?

xxxibgdrgn: I asked her.

seungriseyo: SERIOUSLY?

xxxibgdrgn: No. I figured out that 95% of Taeyang fans would be delusional enough to think that their beloved oppa would marry them. So I guess she would've saved her for him.

seungriseyo: Now, now. I wonder how heartbroken they would be if they know that their Youngbae oppa isn't as innocent and gentle as they thought he would be. LOL.

xxxibgdrgn: I ignored your first usage of LOL. But not the second. Don't use LOL when talkin to me if you're not really LOL-ing. I feel like talking to a lobotomized mental hospital escapee.

xxxibgdrgn: Be right back, PedoWoman is in my office.

seungriseyo: Who is PedoWoman?

xxxibgdrgn: My secretary.

seungriseyo: Ah, I see. I've got to go too, hyung! Ttyl.

xxxibgdrgn: You don't talk to me. You just TYPE words and send them to me.

seungriseyo is now offline.

"These are the confirmation letters you wanted me to write,sir" PedoWoman said as she handed me a stack of papers.

"Good. You can leave" I replied, not looking up.

"Sir?"

"Yes?"

"Nevermind"

​"Don't you dare starting a conversation if you're going to end up saying 'Nevermind' "

"I'm sorry, sir" she bowed at me and left. What an obedient woman. I could totally imagine her as one of my submissives. Very obedient and demure. Not saying a single word as I ran my fingers through her smooth milky wh- 

What the were you thinking about, Kwon Jiyong?

Author's Note:

I'm sorry not sorry for the excessive yet uneccessary use of profanity :) *actually thinks it's necessary*

And like Jiyong, I never knew words like 'digitized contemporaneity' before reading The Fault in Our Stars *bricked*

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