You’ve been losing faith

For a while now

And I’m lost for words

For we are having problems

If you willing, we can solve them in time

I just begging you to try

“Okay, I’m done here, I’ll go home now” I said to the crews in the studio.

“It’s still early, You never go home this early” Youngbae said.

“Yeah, I’m just so tired today, I’ll get some rest at home, see you tomorrow guys!” I grabbed my bag and went out from the studio.

All I think on the way home is Chaerin. I always think about her, I mean, what I saw this afternoon, her right ring finger, I am one hundred sure that it isn’t just a fashion ring. It’s exactly a engagement ring. I am sure.

‘Is she really engaged now?’  I thought.

My body weakened, I stopped my car in the park nearby. I even haven’t reach my apartment but my body seemed couldn’t make it. I cupped my own face and took a deep breath. I’m such an idiot.

Of course, she will go away I never even make a move on her.

Of course, she will find someone better than me, she doesn’t deserve a stupid like me.

She is too perfect in both physically and heart. Who doesn’t want her?

But she should know that I will be always her home, I know she would be home, someday. I always knew it. She just took a long road to come home, she visited some shelter but I will be her final destination. She’ll be here, Jiyong, she’ll come.

I took a deep breath once again and continued to drive.

“Hey, close the window, it’s cold” I said to her in the car. She was opened the window and looked outside, her hair was blown by the ocean breeze.

“No, it’s very comfortable” She said.

“Aigoo, come on, you’ll get sick”

“Aniyo~ Don’t mind me, just keep driving” She said. “I like beach”

“Tch, when we go hiking you also said you like mountain, now we are going to the beach you said you like beach”

“I just like being outside, you know how bored the studio is!” She pouted.

“I know, but I also know that you love studio so much too, or you love Teddy-hyung so much that’s why you love studio..” I gave her a death glare and she looked at me, chuckled.

“Teddy-oppa is my only love..” She winked.

I pouted and stopped talking.

“Aigoo, our oppa is mad aigoo, what Chaerinnie should do now?” She talked in baby tone and pinched my hand lightly. “Jiyong-oppa is Chaerinnie favorite oppa forever, satisfied?” She said.

I chuckled and pinched her nose.

I remember what was we was did in this car, the holding hands thing, random chatting and when we are argued about the songs that we’re going to play in the car. I really treasured it, I really missed it.

“Annyeong haseyo, Jiyong-ssi” The security greeted me when I came out from the car.

“Ah, annyeong haseyo” I smiled and bowed.

“Chaerin-ah.. I can’t sleep” I shook the body that lied beside me,on my bed.

“Mmmh..” She just moaned but don’t even move.

“Chaerin-ah!” I shook her body even harded.

“AISH! MWOHAE (what)?!” She woke up, mad. 

“I can’t sleep” I smiled. She rolled her eyes.

“I’ll make you milk” She said and when she about to get out from the bed, I caught her hand to stopped her.

“No, I don’t want to drink milk…”

“Then what? We have to wake up early tomorrow, we have to go work, right?”

“I get it, just let me hug you then sing me lullabies, it will be okay” I said. She just shook her head and lied back to the bed.

“Come here, hug” She said. I smiled and hugged her. She hugged me tight and brushed my hair with her fingers.

“Sing..” I said.

“No..”

“Please?”

“No..”

“…”

“Okay, okay, I’ll sing, but sleep!” She said.

“I’ll cook breakfast and wash the dishes for tomorrow” I said. She chuckled then hummed some song until I slept. It feels really nice, she is so warm and her hug is more effective than a cup of hot milk. Whenever I with her I feel safe. I feel there is nothing I should afraid of.

Now I’m afraid, I am afraid I would have not any chance to feel that way again. My world seemed so cold right now. No, I am not even hurt because of the rumors she got by dating some guys I don’t even know. I never felt hurt, I wish I am, but not,

Instead, I feel nothing.  I just can’t feel anything. I feel like dead.

Yes, I rather hurt than feel nothing at all.

I the light in my apartment, this place was held to much memories that reminded me of her. I never redecorate this place ever since she left. I left it just like the last time she left.

The peony on the vases in the living room, the apron she used to wore in the kitchen, the room next to mine which was hers even she slept in my room few weeks before she left is still the same. It’s still exactly the same. I haven’t even think to change it because I always know she will comeback.

“Should I change it now?” I said to myself. I sat on the bed she used slept on. The smell of her skin is suddenly lingered on me now.

“Sometime I wish I had a boyfriend to be leaned on like this” She said while leaned on my chest.

“You had me but”

“It’s different, I do want to be like the other girls, I want have a boyfriend” She said while drawing a circle with her finger on my chest.

I am not really comfortable with this situation, why is she suddenly wanted to have a boyfriend? I cant imagine her hugging someone else than me.

“B-but, when you are having a boyfriend, you couldn’t hug me like this anymore.. I couldn’t hug you again” I said.

She just chuckled and woke up, looked me in the eyes and gave me a peck on lips.

“Let’s hugging and took care of each other before we gave each other to the real owner of our, shall we?” She said. I smiled and leaned to another kisses from her.

“Is it warmer to be hugged by someone else than me?”

I took another deep breath. I turned to the coffee table beside the bed. There are pictures on the frames. There are three pictures, one is picture of her family, her with 2NE1 members, and her with the boys, I was in the last picture with another boys.

I smiled when I saw it. It was good time, that picture was taken in her birthday. I held a little surprise party and she was really happy at that time. She didn’t stop smiling that night.  She didn’t know that I was the one who set everything up not Xin, like she is predicted, I never tell her the truth because I don’t want to bragged myself so I just let her assumed it was Xin who planned it. as long she was happy, why not? She gave me so much happiness after a deep sorrow I experienced.

I looked around the room, this room is the first place I will go after I came home, with the hope I’ll see her in this room, sleeping, when I came to the room.

Of course, the room is always empty.

I looked at the corner of the room, that was hung a big board with some polaroid photos. Most of the photos is her with Dara-noona, then 2NE1 pictures, then her with Xin and her sister, and her with me. There are five pictures of her with me.

When we are in the studio, when we are rehearsed together, when we are in the living room, in the kitchen..

I took the last picture, it is when us kissing in my bedroom.

My chest suddenly feel really heavy, like tons of stone dropped on my chest.

Don’t cry, Ji, Don’t cry.

I chuckled about how matured I am after I am with her. I will be ing emo whenever I broke up, crying out loud then drunk, and mad with everyone.

I won’t do it again, she doesn’t deserve an emo me. She wouldn’t like it. So I decide to be a mature one, I pretend to be strong in front of everyone and pretend that I am okay so no one going to be worry about me again. Everyone said I am a lot mature now, thanks to her. But, she is the one who changed now.

I don’t blame her, I can’t blame her for being what she is now.

I never thought she liked me, she loved me, she is so nice to everybody, she is very friendly and caring with the other boys too.

I never thought she have a feeling for me.

Yes, I am so stupid. I know it, I should know she loved me, I mean she wouldn’t gave me ‘all’ of her, if she wasn’t love me. I am so stupid. Now I know but she was no longer here.

But, Can this stupid man have another chance? I swear I will doing right!

“Are you happier now? You should go home when you finished right? Like what you always said to me when I am about go to work those days, you said I should come home early and took a rest, you’ll be waiting at home. Now, its my time to wait, you should come home.. I want to give myself to the real owner, and it is you, I want the real owner to take over this body and heart” I said while held that picture of me and her.

I hope we can get passed all the problems we have

And let go, cause I still believe we have the chance

Every night I dream about the days you and I, both seem so happy

If only I knew what we’d go through to get here

***

“Y-you’ll miss.. the flight” I said while holding my moan. This guy really, he had to go to New York in an hour but his hormones –and mine, also- just to inevitable. He kissed my neck and his hand rubbing my thighs.

“Baby, five minutes more, mmh?” He said while kissing down from the neck to my chest.

“Godfrey, please.. you’ll ummh… miss the flight, ouch” He nibbling my s.  “Baby no, if you doing it again, we know we wouldn’t stop!” I pushed him. “We are late! Come on!” I dragged his glory body to the bathroom.

“You won’t join me?” He asked after two second I closed the door.

“Of course not you crazy! Hurry!!” I pushed him.

I put my undergarment on and wore my HBA hoodie and Saint Laurent jeans, I wouldn’t have time to took a shower. I have to hurry dropped Godfrey to the airport.

I went to the kitchen and packed him some sandwich. He wouldn’t want to go without brought the meal that I made by myself.

“You won’t take a shower?” He said after came out from the room.

“Nope we’re going to be late if I did, are you finished?” I asked.

“Not yet” He came and kissed me on the lips, “I am now” He winked.

“Cheeseball, really!” I pinched his high nose. “Let’s go!”

***

“So, I won’t be able to meet you for weeks since the movie shooting will begin tomorrow and for weeks” He said.

“I understand, Mr. Gao, good luck!” I fixed his shirt’s collar. And I realized that he is staring at me.

“I don’t think could make it, to not meet you for weeks, I may be sneakily arranged flight to Korea in the middle of the shooting!” He said.

“If you did that, I’ll hate you forever. You need to be patience, baby!” I looked at his eyes.

He staring at me tenderly and gave me kiss on forehead.

“I’ll come back quickly, prepare yourself to be my wife” He said and gave me the one last kiss. “I’ll call you everyday, bye!” He said before left me.

I waved my hand to him and he blew me a kiss.

I chuckled at his silly action.

I suddenly thinking about the affair I had behind Godfrey, it was just a casual dates. I never slept with them or anything.

But still, he is trust me so much, he even wanted to marry me.

While I was fooling around behind him.

I know, maybe Godfrey is the right person, maybe he is where my heart could finally settled on. I should trust him for taking care of my heart and I should be honest with him about what was I did behind him.

And ended up my little adventure.

Taka-san…

Maybe I should started by make it clear with Taka-san..

AN : I don't really satisfied with this chapter. I just couldn't think right now but I want to finish this story. so......enjoy :( 

And I've been very entertained by G-Dragon's latest tweet. Gosh what happened with him really, he is like a teenager boys who just broken heart I am laughing so hard whenever he tweeted or RTed something blue like that. I really sorry to laughing above your sorrow, Captain G, It's just... I couldn't hold it. It's so funny for me. xD