Man, it’s been a long night

Just sitting here, trying not to look back

Still looking at the road we never drove on

And wondering if I chose was the right one

But I’m scared to death,

That there may not be another one like this

And I confess that I’m only holding on by a thin thin thread

It’s been months since the last time I talked to Chaerin. After that night, she never even looked at me. She always have excuses to avoid me whenever she met me. I really really wanted to talk to her, but I can’t even get near her. She never even looked at me.

That night was the last time we facing each other as a man and women. She slapped me hard and I still can feel the heat on my cheeks, where she slapped me. I still can remember our last kiss, her soft lips, it was wet because of the rain and a bit salty because it mixed with her tears. That kiss was so different with our kisses before, my heart hurt, my eyes heavy, the world just like stopped for a moment and that feeling always come whenever I remember that kiss, our last conversation.

After we kissed, I drove her home. She didn’t say anything nor looked at me in the car she kept sobbed and I swear I never saw her crying like that that before, My Chaerin is the strongest girl I ever met yet I made her cry like that.

“I’m so sorry, I wouldn’t do it again.. I swear..” I said to her but no response for her.

She just covered her face with her palm and not made any sound.

“The fans found her pictures again, she was with an Japan idol” Jinu-hyung passed me a brown envelope, there are pictures of Chaerin and a boy.

“So this is why she always went to Japan?” I sighed.

After that night, Chaerin isn’t Chaerin anymore. She changed. A lot.

Boys after boys, scandal after scandal.

I can’t blame her, I was the only one she always took care, she gave me her all and then I was stupid to not realizing anything.

I want to make it up for her, I just haven’t any chance anymore, I was too late and I don’t want to make it worse.

That’s why I let her doing what she wants now, I just want her to be happy for now. But there’s no chance I will let her crushed the career that she have built with those scandals, I will protect her like she used to protect me. And maybe, maybe after this, she’ll be come back ‘home’  again.

“I already hired cyber polices to took care of this, like what you asked me” Jinu-hyung continued.

“Make sure YG don’t know about this, I don’t want her to get scolded” I said.

“I know, Don’t be worry, I’ll keep this secret for two of us” He said “I just confused why you did this, I mean I know you really loved her like a sister but I think this is just too much, you covered all her scandals even sometime the scandals was right”

I smiled “You have no idea what she was did for me, I owe her my life. I was lost and wrong and she brought me back to the right place, she needs my help now, this is the only way I could help her”

“But I think you two are in cold war right now”

“That’s why I secretly doing it, if she knew that I was did it, she won’t accept any help from me” I smiled.

“This is just like a boyfriend help his girlfriend from being judged after she cheating on you” Jinu-hyung chuckled.

“I did hurt her more than that, I have to make everything up”

“What happen if she found her right man then? What if she loves someone else in the future?”

My smiled faded. That was what I always scared of actually.

“I.. Haven’t think about it, but she'll come back home..eventually”

I’m kicking the curb cause you never heard

The words that you needed so bad

And I’m kicking the dirt cause you never heard

The things that you needed to have

I am so sad, so sad

“Baby do you want nutella or strawberry jam on your pancakes?” Godfrey called me from the kitchen. He made me breakfast, like usual. He just loves cook me breakfast and he quite good at cooking.

“Strawberry please..” I answered while put the earrings on my ears.

“Okay, the breakfast is ready, babe!” He said. I smiled and come to the kitchen.

“You are beautiful, baby” He said than kissed my cheek. He wore the apron above the white shirt and jeans. He looked very gorgeous, like always. Sometime I wonder how this perfect creature is fell in love with me, really. There are so many fished in the sea.

“But a fish name Chaerin that I love is just you so I can’t looking for another fishes” He said everytime I asked about it. Cheeseball.

“So you’ll go to work?” He asked.

I nodded, “I am busy, how about you? When will you go back to New York?”

“Tomorrow” He answered.

“Wait, but you said yesterday that you have arranged flight for today”

“I just still miss you so so much, I don’t want to go back to New York today” He smiled.

“But, don’t you have any work tomorrow? I wont pleased if you  just ran from your responsibility just to see me”

“No, I don’t have any work tomorrow, missy, I know you will get mad if I did that, Eventhough I have thought to do it sometime when I really really missed you”

I stopped eating and stared at him “Don’t. You. Dare!” I said.

He laughed, “Algeseumnitta, CL” He said.

“Algeseumnida..” I corrected him.

He just smiled and leaned to kiss me.  I kiss him back until I heard my phone is ringing. I got a message. I take a look to my phone and it’s from Taka.

You are probably sleeping like a cute little baby right now.

I just want to say good morning beautiful  : )

I hope you have a smile on your face right now, In case you don’t, You better have one now.

Because your smile is just so damn pretty and I can’t get it out of my mind. I hope you have an amazing day today cutie.

Taka

“Who is it, honey?” He said.

“Um, my member. I-I’ll go to the office now, I’ll see you in lunch time? I’ll go back really really soon” I said.

“You better be, I have something unfinished with you” He said. “I’ll decide where we are going to lunch, okay? I will find the place then I’ll call you”

“So you want to go around? Should I call my driver to accompany you?”

“This is not my first time in Korea, baby, I’ll be okay. Go, see you soon” He pinched my nose lightly and kiss it.

“Okay, see you soon” I took my bag and went out from the apartment.

***

                If you asking am I tired now, I am tired. I am tired to being rebel, I am tired of being reckless and pretend that I don’t care about everything but my happiness, yes, I am tired, I’m not even happy. I feel thankful as god gave me such great great friends and lovers, the work is getting better and better but I am tired because whenever I go with someone else , I always think about him. After I went to a date I always came home cried and wondering about how I always wanted to go just with him and how I always love him. I was so tired to hide my real feeling.

“Aish, day dreaming again?” Dara patted my back.

“Ah, Unnie, no, I just thinking..” I smiled. “Where is the other girl? I told you to come to the studio at eight, it’s already nine”

“They are in the cafeteria, I know you’ll be here on time so I came here”

“Thanks for your consideration, mam” I smiled.

“And.. I called you last night you didn’t pick it up, coffee?” Dara asked and gave me a coffee.

“Thanks, I was.. in condition to not be able to looked at my phone”

“You have guest?”

I nodded. Actually I didn’t tell anyone about my dates. I kept it for myself. This is so me, never let anybody to know my love life.

“And the news about you and a Chinese model, who is his name? I didn’t know that you are started to date someone..”

“Godfrey”

“Yeah, that Godfrey, He is quite cool. I googled him”

I laughed. “You googled my boyfriend?”

“So he is your boyfriend?” She teased.  I laughed. I saw her my right ring finger.

“OMG Are you engaged??” Dara shouted took my hand and looked at the ring “This is damn beautiful!”

“No, this is a promise ring.. And I told you this because you are being cute today, and don’t dare to tell anyone else about this, arraseo!” I said.

She just nodded. “Gosh. Your boyfriend is damn cool, Chae! When you will me up with him, I want to meet my brother in law!” She pleaded.

“Your , later, kay, so no you need to shut up and don’t ever spill it to anybody or I will hate you forever Darong!” I said and she pouted.

I really can’t hide anything from her.

***

“Chaerin-ah, you wouldn’t lunch with us?” Bommie asked.

“Nope, I will go with my friend” I said. Dara looked at me suspiciously.

“Will you go back to the studio?”

“I don’t think so, so see you soon girls” I waved at them and when I am about to go, Taeyang and Jiyong oppa came to the studio. What the hell is he doing here by the way!

“Chaerin-ah, you’ll leave?” Youngbae oppa asked.

I nodded. “I’ll go to lunch..”

“Then come with us, We’ll go to lunch together” He said.

“No, I have appointment with my friend, so enjoy the lunch without me!” I said. I take a look at Jiyong and he was staring at my finger.

“You engaged?” He asked.

.

“It’s fashion ring, I am late I’m leaving now, bye!” I hurried up went out from the studio.

Phew.

***

                I actually hate to went to a date in Korea, I have to be extra careful because the fans and paparazzi are everywhere, I went to a date before and they caught me but luckily after the photo leaked, hours later it the picture is turned down by the owner, maybe YG was took care of it, it’s even more strange because I thought YG going to scream at me because of that pictures but.. whatever.  I put my glasses on and wore a big HBA hoodie. Godfrey is sat in the corner in the café waiting for me, there is a sunflower bouquet laid on the table. I smiled when I found him, he is exactly knew where to sit so no one going to notice me.

“Sorry I’m late” I came to him and gave him a peck.

“No problem, baby, I bought you this” He gave the flower. I smiled at him, and took the flower.

“Thank you”

“How is work?” He asked while take a look at the menu. The waiter gave me another menu.

“Good, I’ll have chicken salad and orange juice please” I said. “What you want to eat, babe?”

He looked at me strangely. “It’s rare for you to called me babe if its not in the bed” He said.

“GODFREY!” I slap his hand lightly, the waiter is just chuckled.

“I’ll have sirloin steak with pineapple sauce and wine please”  He gave the menu back to the waiter and then the waiter left.

“I miss you” He said.

“It’s just 3 hours since the last time see you” I smiled.

“That’s it! I already missed you even though I just haven’t met you for three hours, imagine how much I missed you when I’m in NY?” He pouted.

“Stop acting cute, you are already old to did it!” I pinched his pointy nose.

I should really stop to dates and settled, I always think Godfrey would be the one, since he is the only person that I brought to my bed, not even Taka. Just him and that jerk.

But should I really stop now?

My fragile heart still couldn’t trust anyone..

***

AN : SO NOW, WHO IS IN JIYONG TEAM?

I am so in love with Godfrey :( Who is with me?

No? You dont love him? Well,If I gave you this pics then whta you gonna do? Can you not love him?

:')

Sorry for spazzing guys :(

#sorrynotsorry lol