7 | You're the cure, you're the pain
To See the Million ThingsAN: just a little warning again; violence, blood.
chapter 7
you're the cure, you're the pain
1st OF NOVEMBER, 2004
The boy from the upper class kept staring at him while swaying on his feet with a look in his eyes that told everyone that he thought a bit too highly of himself. He was here in Donghae’s classroom only for his own entertainment, and anger had started to bubble inside of Donghae, increasing the comprehensive irritation towards the young male that had been one of his enemies all the way through high school.
The junior was well aware of the fact that starting a fight would only bring him more trouble – which he already had quite enough. All the usual accusations had started circling inside his head; the booming yells from his principal, teacher and his father, every time he let his temper take the upper hand. He had really tried to learn to remain his calm, he really had. But it wasn’t so easy. Unfortunately, Yonghwa had also realized that a long time ago.
Donghae was clasping his nails tighter into his palms, eyes narrowing dangerously towards the older student, as his lips were pursed in a thin irritated line. He had already taken a note of how tense his muscles were, but he didn’t care. This guy probably thought he at least owned their high school if not the whole word. Yonghwa was arrogant and selfish, always seeking for someone to blame for his wrong-doings. Donghae had been hating him for years; they lived in the same neighborhood and Yonghwa had always been on his throat ever since he moved to that area.
“Piss off,” the brunet hissed towards the elder; eyes burning holes through Yonghwa and his gang who were once again picking a fight with him, just for the sake of not having anything better to do.
Yonghwa shared a look with the boys who always followed him like a pack of dumb sheep, the stupid smirk still plastering on his ugly face when he and his lambs had partly surrounded Donghae and the neighboring desk. The other students were eyeing them suspiciously; most of them already knowing that when these two would clash, they would clash hard.
He didn’t really give a thought towards Hyukjae, who was sitting beside him as usual, now observing the quarrel with slightly fearful and intimidated eyes.
Yonghwa gave Donghae a scrutinizing glare, clicking his tongue as he stared at him defiantly.
“Well, I always have the obvious option number two,” he muttered nonchalantly, taking a step more to the other side and stealing the workbook from the neighboring desk—Hyukjae’s—lifting it high up in the air.
“H-hey!” the black haired young male hollered when he realized it was now him Yonghwa had decided to take as his eyesore, trying to snap back his book. In his dark eyes lingered the usual shade of desperation of not knowing what to do, when most of the students never dared to put up a fight against Yonghwa – except from Donghae and some of the other older guys. There was just the matter that he wasn’t the type to respond to fights, and he hated it when Donghae let himself fought with those guys. It didn’t really help when Hyukjae was sitting beside Donghae, being the last straw that would eventually set his best friend off if Yonghwa even dared to look at his way wrongly.
And now, Hyukjae knew that this time too was already a lost cause.
“Oh, you want something?” Yonghwa laughed shortly and tore few pages off from the book while the boy stared at him in disbelief as he tried to reach out for his book even when he simply knew its uselessness.
“Do you want it back, huh? Come and get it, .”
“Didn’t you hear what I just said?” Donghae snarled suddenly, fists hidden in his pants pockets, tightly burying his fingernails against his thighs. He was glaring his enemy under his brows, but Yonghwa barely gave him a glare back, ignoring him.
“Piss the off already!” Donghae snapped. He didn’t want to disappoint anyone again; which meant mostly Hyukjae, who would probably keep stressing over Donghae’s wounds and reputation even when the brunet himself had already buried the previous times far from his minds’ reach. He was trying so hard not to get provoked, just for the sake of Hyukjae.
“I wasn’t talking to you this time, Donghae,” the jock said with his typical -eating grin, and patted the black hair of Donghae’s desk mate. “But you can join to the fun if you’d like to?” he asked directly from Donghae; the look in the bully’s eyes changing even more ruthless, staring the younger so deep in the eyes and only waiting for him to lose his patience. The brunet was on the verge of starting another war, as Yonghwa then suddenly gripped on Hyukjae’s hair, shoving his head against the windowsill. Hard.
Hyukjae shut his eyes and howled in pain as his occipital bumped against the concrete windowsill of the classroom. The blackness was close to take over, but he managed to keep his consciousness by gripping his head and leaning his elbows against his thighs in an attempt to steady his senses. His head was spinning, and the throbbing pain rather started to increase than cool down.
Before anyone of the other students really understood what was happening, Donghae finally lost it. He pushed his desk with the force he’d gathered from the rod between the desk’s legs as he kicked it against Yonghwa’s thighs and knees. A loud crash echoed in the classroom as the desk fell on the floor upside-down. Yonghwa cursed in pain, and Donghae stood up from his seat, ready to beat the out of the guy he hated so much and who was hunching over as he tried to get pass the agonizing feeling.
However, Yonghwa recovered fast and was throwing himself towards Donghae the minute he stood up, clasping to his collar with a deep, despising growl; “You mothering son of a !”
If all of the eyes already weren’t staring at the two rivals, now they definitely were glued to them.
Donghae was slightly taken aback by the guy’s menacing entity when his jawbone and cheek collided with Yonghwa’s fist. Not too unaccustomed to this kind of violence, Donghae wasn’t entirely knocked down on the first try. As he was helping himself back onto his feet, he couldn’t leave unnoticed the black spots spinning in front of his eyes, or the aching of his bones. However, he was left a little bit breathless when he stole a glance of Hyukjae who was staring at the redness staining his fingertips on the instant. He knew that the black haired would feel nauseous seeing too much blood. He felt the quilt stabbing his heart, and for him it probably hurt more than the physical pain. It made him remember bits and pieces of all of the times before when he had gotten cuts and gashes from unnecessary fights or getting beaten up by his father. Despite hating the blood, Hyukjae had always made sure to treat his wounds every time he spotted a new one.
They both knew it was just a way for Yonghwa to easily get under his skin and cause ruckus – it had been seen so many times already in the past two years.
He knew the regret would eat him alive inside later, but every time Yonghwa targeted Hyukjae it got the brunet beyond furious. He just couldn’t make himself brush it off; it wasn’t something he was able to handle. His mind was buzzing too loud, already settled for the upcoming fight, when the only thing that actually would go through his stubborn head was Hyukjae’s plead beside him.
“Donghae, stop.” The older boy, now already eighteen, was reaching towards him, fingers grabbing on the sleeve of his shirt. “It’s not worth it. The teacher’s coming in any minute now.”
Yonghwa snorted at them, smirking towards Donghae who was panting like a mad bull ready to attack, until Hyukjae’s touch made him relax his muscles.
“You don’t need any more trouble,” Hyukjae stated, voice softened because of the pain, and as he was starting to feel desperate. His best friend turned his gaze back at him, biting his lips as he tried to catch a breath, focusing entirely to the older boy in the means of sobering up from his anger. Donghae’s forehead creased, feeling conflicted to force himself to listen to the other—who was entirely right. He gritted his teeth, repeating Hyukjae’s voice and words inside his head as he eventually stepped forward and reached down to pull his desk back up. His blood was still running wildly, and his fists were twitching from the desire to punch the older student. But he refused.
“You’re unbelievable – you’re such a ing wimp, Donghae,” Yonghwa’s laugh suddenly pealed. “Why do you even hang out with that loser? Or is it just that all you ever knew were losers too? Like your father?”
Donghae growled under his breath, slapping his palm against his desk as he glared menacingly into Yonghwa’s eyes. “Would you shut up or do I need to shut your ing mouth personally?”
“Donghae,” Hyukjae reiterated, standing up to pull Donghae back down although he was already feeling nauseated.
The older student’s vicious expression didn’t falter. “Just wait Donghae, I’m going to crush your worthless world around you. Just wait.” With that, Yonghwa left just in time to avoid stumbling onto their history teacher.
The mad daze Donghae had just been filled with started to fade, and he turned to Hyukjae in concern, only to see the slightly pale face and red stain on his forehead. He felt like for doing this again, and causing such things happen to Hyukjae, who was the last person on this earth who would deserve something like that. The latter’s eyes were somewhat glazed, and Donghae felt horrible.
“L-let’s go see the nurse.”
“But Donghae—“
“You’re bleeding.”
“But I’m fine,” Hyukjae fought, obviously not fine though.
“You're not fine,” Donghae said with a wary tone, feeling cold shivers on his shoulders as he grabbed from Hyukjae’s hand and pulled him out of the classroom.
31st OF DECEMBER, 2006
"What's your step."
"Stop fussing, Hyukjae."
"It's seriously slippery. Even I have problems staying on my feet, and I'm not the one having crutches," Hyukjae thought aloud, taking a leap over the black ice that flickered through the powder of snow.
"I think I'm going to survive, I have four legs now," Donghae scoffed, yet his eyes were glued to the ground underneath. Having a broken ankle in the middle of winter wasn't the most convenient, and it was all thanks to his father.
Thinking about it made Hyukjae silently fume inside. At least, it hadn't been the hardest thing to convince Donghae to spend most of the holiday's with Hyukjae's family. Yet one day in between Christmas and New Years', Donghae had gone home for mere fifteen minutes to catch some of his stuff, and this had happened. His father, as always, had been roaring drunk. One small change of words had led to a fight, and eventually to a broken bone. As Donghae had returned home few days later, the elder had made sure he wouldn't be going alone this time.
It was only few hours till midnight, and the new year. Hyukjae's mother probably had dinner and movies waiting for them, as they would be spending the night rather calmly this year. Either of the friends had no problem with that. Hyukjae's family had always welcomed the younger with open arms, even after all those years. Donghae didn't complain – Hyukjae and his folks were the closest thing he had to a family, and he would be forever grateful for that. Even if he didn't always say his thankfulness aloud.
"You know I would have made it fine alone to your place," the younger grumbled.
Hyukjae smiled to himself.
"I know."
A short, comfortable while later a voice suddenly echoed in the dark alley, startling them both.
"Well, what do we have here."
Hyukjae peeled his eyes toward the voice. A dark figure stood on the other side of the street, hands tucked deep in the parka jacket's pockets, away from the cold. He could have sworn the voice was familiar, but not until the man stepped into the street light's halo, he could remember. The guy from high school, who used to be his best friend's sworn enemy, was now standing in front of them. And he had thought they would never need to see that jerk ever again, yet here he was, as irritating as ever.
"Who would have thought we would meet again," Yonghwa laughed shortly. An eerie grin hovered over the man's face as he finally took calculating steps closer after a moment of silence.
Worried eyes turned towards Donghae, who was seemingly trying to keep all soon to-becoming words from getting under his skin. He would not have had a chance against Yonghwa with his crutches, and in a way, Hyukjae was thankful of that, because now Donghae wouldn't be able to fight. He had seen enough in the past; he didn't want to see any more pain caused to the other.
"Still hanging around with this loser," the man snickered, swiping his hand a little too close to Hyukjae's face. He turned back to Donghae. "And it seems your father, or someone else fortunate, has already beat you up. What a pity. I was really looking forward to doing it myself. And yet, nothing's stopping me from doing so anyway."
" off," Donghae snarled back, standing behind Hyukjae and leaning against his crutches as he held his plastered leg in the air. Hyukjae was sure Donghae would have jumped the guy immediately if he wasn't already hurt. They had been like oil and water through all their high school years until their last semester, when Yonghwa had been suspended after he had beaten another guy into a hospital bed.
It was all so ridiculous. There had never been no one legit reason for them to keep vexing each other. It had just always been like that. All of this nonsense had already caused so much unnecessary pain. Donghae didn't need any of that. He already had enough problems. Yet there always seemed to be someone ready to pour more fuel to the fire time after time. It was all meaningless. It made no sense to anyone yet it never seemed to end.
"I could beat you up so good, just for the old times sake. I bet I could make you hurt so much worse than the guy I sent to hospital back in the days. Your leg wouldn't be nothing compared to that..."
Anger was dangerously starting to bubble inside Hyukjae's chest, and a low growl rose from his throat against his own expectations.
"Don't you dare."
Yonghwa's eyes widened, only to laugh out loud, humored. "Or what? You don't have the guts to beat me up even if you wanted to."
The accused male grit his teeth together, taking a surprisingly brave step toward the man he had learned to hate almost as much as his best friend did. His words could have been true—in the past. Hyukjae had always been one to steer away from fights, but the mere chance that Yonghwa would do anything to Donghae could be enough of a reason for him to step out of his comfort zone tonight. He had been worried sick after hearing the latter's misfortune, and this time he probably wouldn't be willing to let anyone go easy.
Even if Hyukjae didn't notice, Donghae felt conflicted. He wanted to do as he always had, push even harder against their tormentor and show him what he was made of. He had never really been scared of him. There was only hate. Pure hate that had its roots somewhere very deep inside of him. But he knew there wasn't much of resistance in him with a broken leg. However, something in Hyukjae's tone alarmed him. He wouldn't have believed Hyukjae to step up for him like that, because he had never really done it before.
"You've always been a coward, Hyukjae," Yonghwa stated. "What are you going to do, huh?" He kept going, suddenly throwing a punch on Hyukjae's stomach, leaving him breathless and crouching over in pain.
Donghae winced as he saw Hyukjae gasping for air, eager to throw his crutches away and answer to the call to fight. But his broken bones hurt so much he knew he wouldn't be able to keep standing without them.
"Oh wow, isn't it fun to watch, Donghae? Your 'pa must really hate you for breaking your bones. Oh, do I envy him."
"You son of a—," Donghae started, but was interrupted when his only working leg was kicked off underneath his weight. He fell backwards on top of the freshly fallen layer of snow, crying out loud as his injured bones hit against the icy asphalt.
All Hyukjae could hear was Donghae's pained voice, and all the anger, hatred and frustration won over his senses. He was already jumping himself onto the man they both loathed before he had a chance to stop himself, grasping to the jacket's collars, pouring them on to the ground. He wouldn't have thought he would actually find this side of himself, but all he could think of was Donghae's pain, and he could only handle it to a point. Donghae had always, always, defended him, fought for him, despite how much energy he had had to waste to just to defend himself.
Hyukjae had no idea about all the words he shouted into the night as his fist kept meeting with the guy's jaw over and over. He had no idea of the guy's cries of pain, or the redness that had started to paint his own fingers after a while. He had no idea what was happening around him anymore. All that mattered was the unleashed anger.
"Hyukjae—!" Donghae wailed. The younger couldn't believe his eyes. He had never seen his best friend like this, and he had always hoped he would never need to. Donghae tried to group for his crutches, leaning against his healthy knee, gritting his teeth in pain when he tried to get himself up. It wasn't easy, it hurt like hell, but he would never forgive himself if Hyukjae would end up doing something he would regret the rest of his life.
"God damnit, Hyukjae! Listen to me!" He grabbed one of his temporary life-lines, pushing himself up in haste. He tried to haul Hyukjae off from the man's neck, feeling desperate. It felt like it was all his fault. Again, and again, and again. It was always his fault if his best friend got into trouble. He wasn't going to allow this to go further. Even if Yonghwa totally deserved it.
"It's not worth it!" Donghae shouted, remembering how Hyukjae had once told him the exact same words. It was so not worth it.
Listening to the crackling noises, he was finally able to tear the other off of the man. Hyukjae was panting and floundering, trying to free himself, as if he had no common sense left in his angered brain.
"Stop! You don't want to do this!"
Yonghwa's face was painted with his own blood, as he coughed and spat out some of it that had filled his mouth with probably pieces of his teeth. The man tried to sit up, finally succeeding, eyes filled with something quite odd for a guy like him. His horrified eyes told enough of the surprise of seeing the previously so-called 'loser' in this way. Yonghwa didn't even try to say a word, when he hurriedly got himself up from the ground and started running like a dog who had his tail between his legs in frighten.
Donghae almost thought it might be the last time they would ever encounter like this, since Hyukjae's behavior might have scared him for good to never dare to threaten his life to disturb them again.
"Calm down, come on Hyukjae," Donghae said, voice starting to become calmer as Hyukjae was starting to come back to himself when the younger's arms were tightly pressed around him.
"You're ing crazy," Donghae uttered with a half-laugh, bewildered.
Hyukjae was still catching his breath, trembling, adrenaline filled hands brought up. His knuckles were torn and bloody, and although Donghae couldn't see Hyukjae's expression, he was quite sure the guy was as surprised as any of them. His leg was hurting underneath Hyukjae's weight leaning over him, but he couldn't care less. Despite the happening being crazy and half-way scary, somewhere inside of himself he felt proud. Maybe it wasn't the most obvious thing to feel, but something was palpating erratically due to a feeling he couldn't quite give a name to.
"I'm ing crazy," Hyukjae finally answered, not sure how to feel about it. A part of him couldn't believe he actually had attacked Younghwa. He wasn't necessarily proud of himself at all, but it still felt as if something had just been unlocked. Not a beast, nor a monster, but rather a realization of the bond he had with Donghae. How he was willing to risk his life for his best friend. And how he would be willing to do it again, if he ever needed to.
Neither of them didn't say a word during the minutes Hyukjae tried to get his breath into place. Staring at his hands, Hyukjae soon saw how Donghae's fingers came to touch his bloody ones, over the sore knuckles as they sat uncomfortably on the -freezing ground.
"I don't know what I'd do without you," Donghae hushed softly, resting his forehead against the back of Hyukjae's head.
The older didn't say anything, but he knew, he wouldn't have known either.
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