Highlight for warnings: Suicide mention

"Do you realize how much of an idiot you are?!"



Seungri slammed his plate into the sink, breaking it with a wince-worthy shatter as tears ran down his reddened, angry face. He's been upset since Jiyong murmured about giving up. The last time they hung out was weeks ago, and that was when Seungri abruptly left because his boss needed him at work. And Jiyong managed to ruin it again.

"I'm sorry, Seungri, those were just thoughtless words," Jiyong half-smiled, carefully picking up pieces of the broken glass out of the sink and placing them into a plastic bin to be thrown out.

Seungri stood up straight, gritting his teeth. A single tear slid down his face as he his lips before speaking.
"They had some truth, though. Right?" He stepped forward, shoving Jiyong's chest roughly.  "Right, Jiyong?" 

"Not enough to matter, Seungri, calm down, it's OK. I'm sorry, I'm.." he looked away, the corners of his eyes catching to his fingers. When Seungri shoved him, the glass slipped. Blood made its way to puddle against the imperfections of Jiyong's porcelain flesh, the bright red bringing a stark contrast against the creamy tone of his skin.
"..I'm really sorry."

Ignoring his apologies, he continued. "Do you realize what those words imply? Suicide. And you know what that is, Jiyong? Or are you too stupid?"
He sniffed, wiping his eyes quickly. "It's death. Your death. By your own hands."
Seungri wasn't crying anymore, his eyes were still puffy, though. As were his cheeks. He looked so young, suddenly. Jiyong felt like he was taken back to when Seungri and Jiyong were younger and Seungri was telling him off for drinking too much. Everything was much more carefree then.

"Death isn't even that good of an escape, you'll never have a chance to end what you're feeling, now. For all we know, you could be stuck feeling this way forever. And all pain doesn't end like that, because that's not the way death works, Jiyong. Death is a bomb, destroying everything around you -- making sure that the story doesn't end so quickly. And suicide spreads the tragedy further. The first question people will ask when they hear about your death is 'how'. And then the messenger is stuck on the spot of lying or telling the brutal truth of how you were too weak and too tired to even try. When you're finished, everyone around you is stuck in the swirling abyss of your actions."

Seungri took in a breath, tightening his lips as his glassy eyes searched the other's face for emotion.

"Is that what you want to be, Jiyong?"

Jiyong felt as if he was drowning, his mind feeling clogged and his heart heavy. Because Seungri was right. He knows Seungri's right. Painfully so. They had lost Daesung through a car crash years ago and it still stung to speak his name. It tore Youngbae away from the group of friends that they were. He moved away without a word. And they all knew.

Death is pain.
It isn't like movies, everything doesn't end there.
It ends when everyone that has a link to you is done.

Jiyong murmured hoarse apologies, tears making their way to his eyes, stinging under his rapid attempts to blink them away.
Seungri took Jiyong into his arms, smoothing the back of his hair soothingly as they stood together. He swayed them back and forth by shifting the weight of the hold from leg to leg. It was almost dancing, in a way. Softly, Seungri started humming a tune of a song that came to him as they breathed. Jiyong laughed through his tears, tears wettening the vest that Seungri had worn.
Jiyong took in a heavy breath and Seungri's humming continued, swaying Jiyong to the beat of Seungri's soft tune. Seungri twirled the other gently, taking him into a slow dip. He brought Jiyong up, putting him into another twirl beforetaking him into his arms again.
"You're so beautiful," he breathed, the sensation ghosting along the curves of Jiyong's neck.
"I'm sorry," he whispered, pulling away slightly to stare into the other's eyes. He smiled softly, his lips glistening slightly as he gently brushed a few strands of stray hair out of Jiyong's gaze.
He took the moment, then, placing a delicate kiss against the warm forehead of the boy.

"I love you."

Jiyong pulled Seungri back to him again, holding him tightly.

"I love you, too," left his lips, the words heavy with feeling despite the soft sound.

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A/N: I'm thinking of ending the story soon, thank you for reading this far tho u_uu
Have a pic~