After a week of recovery and multiple visits from Minseok, I was discharged. Apparently I was in a car crash and was out for a while. I hadn’t bothered to ask before because I didn’t exactly want to know how I could’ve died.

On the car ride back to the apartment Minseok and I shared, I was slowly typing a text to Sehun.

Hey, Sehun,

It sounded too casual, like we were close. I deleted it and tried again.

Hello, Sehun.

It was too formal, like I was addressing a boss.

Hi, Sehun.

Perfect.

I would like to thank you for the bouquet of hydrangeas. They were really beautiful.

I did hear your voicemail and I am free tomorrow and the next few days. I can meet you at any time that works for you.

Luhan.

I hit the send button and held my breath when I saw the word “delivered” change to “read at 12:48 pm.” Then, I saw the grey speech bubble appear on his side, indicating that he was responding. Every time it disappeared, I let out a breath only to it right back in.

You are welcome and I’m glad you liked them.

Would tomorrow at 5 be ok? That’s when I get off from work and I pass right by the café.

I responded with a simple “yes, that would be fine.”

That night, I stayed in the spare room instead of sleeping with Minseok. The entire time, I was staring at the ceiling, making up scenarios of how my conversation would go with Sehun. It could go two ways, he could apologize for being cold and then say we should get on with our lives, or he could apologize and ask for me back and explain himself. A part inside of me wanted it to be the second option, but I was mostly set on the first scenario.

The next day, Minseok had offered to drive me there, knowing how important it is for me. I politely declined and said I would walk. I needed to stretch my legs from being bed ridden for so long. So, at 4:30, I put on a pair of dark skinny jeans, a white t-shirt and put on a sweatshirt over top. Before I left, Minseok had given me an umbrella because the weather man had predicted 85% chance of rain.

When I stepped outside, it smelled like rain. The clouds were dark and the wind had picked up slightly. Making haste, I began to walk towards the café. It was quite a walk, but it didn’t take more than 30 minutes. Sometimes, it only took twenty if I wasn’t constantly stopped by the stoplights.

The streets were very busy and jam packed with people in the afternoon, so it took me a little over a half an hour to get to the café. Through the large glass window, Sehun was already sitting there, handsome as ever and sipping some hot cocoa. He always had a sweet tooth, despite what he always said. When I walked in, the tiny bell above the door signaled my arrival and the few people in the café looked up at me briefly before going back to what they were doing.

Noticing Sehun was looking at me; I walked over and bowed, then took my seat. We sat there for a few minutes in a thick silence while Sehun drank the rest of his hot beverage. When he finished, he put it down and looked at me.

“Hi, Luhan, thanks for coming.”

“It’s no problem,” I responded.

“If you don’t mind, I would like to get right to the point,” As usual, Sehun never liked putting of an important topic.

“Not at all.” My palms began to get sweaty. What would he say? I shouldn’t be nervous at all. It’s not like he said that he was going to die or something.

“I never wanted it to end like that. I don’t know why I was like that.” he looked me directly in the eyes, making me shift uncomfortably. “The day after when you didn’t come back… I was-I was hurting a lot. I guess it’s like the saying, ‘you don’t know what you have until it’s gone.’ I didn’t realize how much you meant to me until you had left. I hope you can forgive me for my actions.” Sehun finished solemnly.

I was at loss for words. I felt like smiling and crying because I hadn’t seen this side of Sehun in so long; the soft, caring side that had made me fall in love with him.

“Of course I do, Sehun. I shouldn’t have been so rash.” I smiled bitterly and then stared out the window, watching as it began to lightly rain. Yes, that rain was so comforting. This light rain had triggered another memory.

It was the beginning of winter and it hadn’t been cold enough to snow, but had rained a lot. Sehun and I sat in front of the fireplace as the weather outside got worse, and he had his arm wrapped around my waist as he whispered sweet nothings into my ear. I had snuggled closer and closed my eyes. He would occasionally kiss my head as soft music played in the background.

“I love you,” he told me.

“I love you too.” I smiled and began to get sleepy. Then, I was fast asleep and when I woke up, I was sleeping in his lap, the fire reduced to glowing embers as he my hair lovingly.

The memory made me feel warm and fuzzy inside. While thinking of this memory, I smiled.

“What are you thinking about, Luhan?”

I tear my gaze away from the window and look at Sehun. This time, I looked at him closely. He had the same perky lips, sharp jawline, and deep brown eyes. His hair was a medium brown color that was styled nicely. He looked like he just stepped off of a photo shoot.

“Nothing, really,” I shrug.

I saw Sehun check his watch and then look out the window. It was getting pretty dark and it was still pouring outside.

“It’s getting late. Do you need a ride home?” Sehun offered as he got up and pushed his chair in. I did the same and put my coat on.

“I hope it wouldn’t be too much to ask.”

“No, not at all. I wouldn’t have let you walk back while the weather was like this.” Sehun said as he began putting his coat back on.

I waited patiently by his side while he paid for his drink and waved goodbye to the cashier who smiled and winked at me. I knew what she meant by this. She had been working at the café when Sehun and I were still dating and I guess she thought that we were still dating.

Outside, Sehun opened an umbrella and gave it to me. I politely declined, opening my own and followed him.

Fortunately, he hadn’t parked very far away so the walk wasn’t that bad. When we got to his car, he opened up the passenger door for me and waited till I got in before closing it and going to his side. When he shut the door, I could hear the muffled raindrops as they pelted the top of his car. We sat there in silence for a few minutes. I was tempted to just fall asleep, but I didn’t want to be rude.

“I remember, on rainy days, we would always make a fire and snuggle.” He laughed quietly and smiled bitterly.  “Anyway,” he said quickly, “I should get you home soon. I bet… Minseok… will be worried if you aren’t home soon.” He said, saying Minseok’s name with obvious jealousy.

“Probably, but he knows this is important.” I answered as Sehun got the car going and pulled out into the busy street. 

Half of the car ride, we were silent. That silence gave me time to think. What if he wanted to get back together? If he did, what would I tell Minseok? He would not be happy, I know for sure.

“Luhan,” Sehun said, breaking me from my thoughts. At first, I thought we were home, but then I realized we were just stopped at a stoplight. It seems that today, we’ve been hitting every single red.

“Hmm?”

“I-I know you wouldn’t leave Minseok, but… but if I said I wanted you back, what would you say?” he asked in a quiet voice. He was so vulnerable right now. Sometimes, I forgot that Sehun was four years younger than me.

“I don’t know. I’d have to think about it.” I responded honestly. Part of me wanted to go back to him, but I couldn’t leave Minseok. He was the one who helped me out of my isolation and I owed it to him. To be honest, though, I began to want Sehun even more since the day I awoke from my coma. Every day, something reminded me of how we were and how I was the one who threw that away because of my rash actions.

“I understand. Well, you can tell me when you make up your mind.” Sehun said as he stopped the car. Again, we sat in silence, not moving to get out.

“What if I said I want to be with you?” I asked, breaking the silence.

“What about Minseok?” 

“I-I’d have to talk to him. I don’t know. Part of me wants to be with you, but the other half can’t just leave him.” I frown.

“I understand. When you come to a conclusion, just tell me.” He looked out the window. “Well, it’s getting late. I hope we can meet again.”

I nodded and unlocked the door. Before I left, I gave him a little peck on the cheek and then ran to the door. He waited until I was inside before driving away. Somehow, I felt a little happier inside as I walked into the elevator.

When I got to the apartment, I found Minseok reading on the couch with only one lamp in. I walked in front of him and he pulled me to his lap.

“Hmmm, you’re back. I was lonely without you.” Minseok smiled, nuzzling me. I instantly felt guilty because I had chosen Sehun and even gave the man a kiss on the cheek while here, Minseok was alone, thinking that I was going to cut ties with the younger and stay with him.

“Minseok, I have something to talk to you about.” He hummed and set me next to him. “I-I want to get back together with Sehun.” I said quickly, heart racing.

“I know and I understand.” He said simply, opening his book back up. “Although it hurts to let you go, if it’s what you want, you can. I won’t stop you. I knew that I was no match for Sehun once you started muttering about him in your sleep.”

“I-I’m so sorry Minseok. I am so sorry…” My eyes began to get watery for no reason. Sometimes, my body was just weird.

“Don’t cry, Luhan. It hurts me to see you upset.” Minseok took his thumb and wiped a stray tear. “I love you.” He whispered into my ear as he pulled me close.

“I’m sorry…”

A/N: What am I doing to myself, brochachos?

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