“So that was why you told yourself not to cry anymore?” As Hyerin finished her story, Kyuhyun was lost in thought for a while before he uttered his first conclusion to which the girl shook her head and heaved another sigh as she remember the day she last saw her dear eonni.

“Well, the day she left was the only one time I told myself not to cry. But after that…”

“After that…you just can’t cry…even if you want to?” Kyuhyun waited for Hyerin to finish her sentence, but she never did, so he slowly finished it for her although he wasn’t really sure if that was the case. After a few seconds of silent, though, Hyerin eventually nodded.

“It was more like fear. Because I was a spoilt, dependent, over emotional crybaby I could hurt people I loved so easily to the point that they got sick of being mistreated and eventually walked away. Because I had such weak characters that I became so evil. All of those sad emotions, I felt as if they were what made me weak. And with the fear that that evil side of myself will take over again, I’ve become unable to cry or show any emotional weakness now even if I want to…”

“But is it ok? Are you ok? I mean not crying when you’re supposed to…like that?”

Hyerin bitterly smiled as she shook her head slightly, and after a short pause that Kyuhyun felt like hours, she wholeheartedly admitted, though refused to meet the former’s eyes as she spoke.

“I guess I’m far from being ok…at times. It’s suffocating and overbearing when you can’t let even the slightest of your emotions out when you need to. But I just don’t know how to deal with that. I guess I’ve forgotten how to let them out. The only times my tears fall is when I’m asleep or unconscious, and that doesn’t help because I always have to be reminded of my despicable self in the past which makes the fear grows even bigger.”

Unconsciously, Kyuhyun had his hands clasped tight under the table. It was heart-breaking hearing her admit to the pain like that. The girl he always perceived as strong and independent was actually hiding this vulnerable side of herself. He blamed himself for thinking she was dealing with things fine all by herself all these times, and hated himself for not noticing and not doing anything sooner. Kyuhyun didn’t understand why he had to feel all those things and didn’t know what to make of these indescribable feelings he was having, but he couldn’t afford to care about any of that now as the fragile sight of the girl in front of him was telling him to do something. Although he knew perfectly well that he was in no position to be involved in her private life, he just wished there was something he could do to ease her aching heart.

“So that’s why you keep your distance from Eunjung-shi. You’re afraid you’ll hurt her the same way you did your friends.” Calming the turbulence inside his heart, Kyuhyun looked at Hyerin and stated his third conclusion of the day. Being pointed a finger at like that, Hyerin hung her head trying to avert her gaze away from Kyuhyun’s, which the latter took as the confirmation to his statement. A sudden surge of sadness took over Hyerin’s heart, as she was reminded of her manager. The said woman had been so kind to her, and she really appreciated that, but the fear that she might be hurt like her eonni was so strong that Hyerin had to draw a clear line between them.

DING DONG.

The doorbell suddenly rang, breaking the long silence and bringing both Kyuhyun and Hyerin out of their own thoughts. Hyerin looked at the clock and saw that it was already six o’clock in the afternoon. She wonder who could be visiting her now. Maybe it’s just Eunjung-shi, the girl thought as she stood up and made her way to the door.

“Ryeowook sunbae-nim?” Hyerin mumbled the name in surprise when she opened the door to find a cheerful looking Ryeowook stood in front of her with a huge bowl in his hands.

“Afternoon, Hyerin-ah. I heard you’re sick. How are you feeling now?” Ryeowook gleefully asked, relieved that she didn’t looked as run-down as he had had imagined her to be.

“I am much better now, sunbae-nim, Thank you.”

“Oh, it’s good then. Anyway, is Kyuhyun here? KYUHYUN-AH!” Not waiting for her reply, Ryeowook let himself into the house and called for the said person.

“Ugh, sunbae-nim!” Hyerin, surprised at the sudden barge in, reluctantly closed the door and followed her senior slash neighbor into the livingroom.

“What d’you come here for, Ryeonggu?” Kyuhyun asked as he looked up to see Ryeowook came walking in with Hyerin on his tail.

“Here I brought Hyerin some soup that our housekeeper made for us for dinner.”

“Sunbae-nim, you don’t have to –”

“Of course, we have to. We’re neighbors now, Hyerin-ah. It’s only right to look out for each other. Here. Sit down. I’ll put it away for you.”

Hyerin who was made to sit down on the couch didn’t feel right to bother them so much, so she made to stand up and go help Ryeowook, but Kyuhyun’s firm command of “Let him do it” made her sit still so obediently, causing Kyuhyun to crack a smile seeing how his words had an impact on her.

“Hyerin-ah!!!” A few moments later, Ryeowook’s voice came from the kitchen, then they saw him walked out and made a stop in front of Hyerin, arms akimbo and disapproving look on his face. “Care to explain why your fridge is empty while your cabinets are filled with nothing but instant noodle and cat’s food?”

Hearing Ryeowook’s question, Kyuhyun sat up straight looking serious as he, too, was planning to ask the girl about the subject afterwards. The girl being questioned, on the other hand, was rubbing her nape sheepishly.

“Cuz I, er, I don’t cook.”

“Then how do you eat normally?” Ryeowook asked as he sat down on another armchair opposite of Kyuhyun.

“I have bread or instant noodle in the morning or just skip it. I eat out during or after schedules for lunch and dinner on most days, and if I don’t, I simply make instant noodle...again.”

“So all you ever eat at home is instant noodle.” Kyuhyun concluded the situation with a disapproving tone.

“Or bread sometimes.” Hyerin protested to which Kyuhyun rolled his eyes as it didn’t help her situation at all.

“What about Oscar? Who feeds him when you eat out?” Ryeowook asked out of curiousity.

“Every time when I leave home, I always bring him down and ask the security ahjussis to look after him and give him food. I hate the idea of locking him inside the house alone.” Hyerin spoke as she turned to look at her sleeping cats with loving eyes.

“Then why don’t you get a housekeeper like us?” Suggested Kyuhyun, to which Hyerin shook her head.

“Getting an apartment in such an expensive place means I’m already at the company’s mercy. I can’t afford to ask for more when I’m not even that successful yet.”

“Hmph. Then that does it. We can’t let you live like this anymore. I make breakfast for the members every morning. Why don’t you come up and join us? I’m sure Eunjung noona can always make you eat proper meals outside at lunch and dinner, but you need a healthy breakfast, too.”

“No, that’s too much of a burden for you, sunbae-nim.”

“I don’t think it is. Ryeowook enjoys making food. Right, Ryeong?”

“Yep, the more the merrier. Everyone will love you to join them.”

“But –”

“No buts, you’re agreeing to it.” Hyerin was about to protest that it was not for Kyuhyun to decide but had to swallow her words when the latter had this serious look on his face while tapping the end of his left eye meaning to say that he held her crying secrets, so of course he must have a say in this.

Hyerin slumped deeper into the couch in defeat, and at that sight, Ryeowook assumed that Hyerin finally gave in, so he happily stood up.

“Alright. It’s decided then. Breakfast on the 12th floor. Have your soup when you want to, Hyerin-ah. I put it on your dining table. let's go back, Kyukyu.”

“Wait a minute. What’s your phone number?”

“Huh? Why?”

“Umm…because…” Kyuhyun stumbled over his words as he tried to find a decent excuse to have her number. Seeing his helpless band mate, Ryeowook decided to jump in and help.

“We’re neighbor, so –”

“Alright. Here.” Tired of their neighbor excuse, Hyerin gave them her phone so they could dial their numbers. The two guys smirked triumphantly at the sight of her apparent irritated face before making their way out of the apartment.

………………………………

Hyerin had been standing in front of that door for almost 10 minutes now staring nervously at the button as she was at war with herself about whether she should ring the bell or not. The previous night she got a called from her manager who apparently was informed by her seniors slash neighbors about the breakfast problem and who seemed to give them a thump up for the suggestion.

“Why are you standing here looking so lost, Hyerin-ah? Go on in.” Hyerin jumped at the voice that came right behind her. Eunhyuk chuckled at her cuteness before opening the door and let her inside.

“Oh, you’re here, Hyerin-ah?” The first person to notice her was Shindong who was walking out of the kitchen with some chopsticks in his hands. The moment Hyerin stepped into the apartment, she was rendered speechless by the sight of 11