"Over time again?"

The same question he asks every time he found me alone at the office room at late hour. I notice just after he asked me that no more workers stayed on their cubicle anymore. It's just me alone here. I just nod and ready to go back working.

"I'll be waiting." He smiles before go to sofa at the corner where he usually took his nap while waiting for me to finish my work. No more sleeping at the chair like before.

It's been three months since that hospital incident. I don’t know how he can cope with me after all I did to him. I clearly rejected him. I didn’t want to make his life ruin with me. I didn’t want to. But, He really stayed with me until the next morning. I found him sleep on the chair, looked like I let go my hand when I fell asleep, beside the hospital bed and my hand on his both palms. I didn’t know how I can fell asleep. Usually, I wouldn’t get back to sleep after that nightmare. I just couldn’t, it would haunting me every time I closed my eyes. It was appearing like a white black film on my head, rolling the same sentence and accusation on how stupid I was. But it wasn’t there. I could wake up without nightmare. Did I lock him again? Did he gone?

I was drowning in my thought when I can sense Junsu's hand moving. Was he awake?

Yes, he was. He opened his eyes and tried to sit properly on the chair. It was uncomfortable to sleep at one. He rubbed his closed eyes and tried to looking around him, seemed he still doesn’t aware of his surrounding yet. When his eyes found me looking at him closely, he jumped from seat and again the worried eyes I looked last night happen to appeared again.

"You okay?"

He looked thoroughly and he found nothing wrong with me. He let out a relief breath but it didn’t seem to make his worry lessen.

"Are you hungry? Eat?"

I didn’t know, really. It was the first time since forever that someone shows affection to me. I didn’t know what to say, I didn’t know how to react. All this time, I did things by myself, never once asked somebody for help. I didn’t need one. I was just looking blankly at him because I clearly don’t know.

"Sorry. I'm asking too much."

He looked disappointed that I wasn’t reply him but I didn’t know what I had to say.

"I'll call the doctor. You need to be examine again."

Junsu stepped away. I knew, it's just his reason to get away from me, to leave me alone. I should relief with that. Junsu was step away from me. He let go my hands. He saw me with his tadpole eyes and I just realized I make him sad. But at last, he went away from me. Yet..

"Eat.."

Soon as I said that, he turned around and looked disbelief at me. I, too, shocked with what I just said instantly. But, my voice hoarse. I bet he didn’t know I just said. He wouldn’t know it.

"I'll bring breakfast too."

His face beamed, changed drastically from before. He left the room and closed the door behind him. What had I done? I didn’t understand anymore. Why was I always acting the opposite from what I want? I wanted to shove him away. He couldn’t be with me. I wasn’t anything to him, so do him. But why my body acted strangely since last night? It always reacted the way opposite from I thought. I couldn’t do this to him. He didn’t know me. I was sure he wouldn’t like to know the real me. He wouldn’t.

I had to. I had to make him to go. I realized, he was just too kind. He pitied me. His kindness was too much. He couldn’t left me alone because I'm to useless. I needed to get back into my old self. He wouldn’t need to care about me anymore then.

The following week, I worked like usual, none even realize I was gone for three days. The world kept spinning like always. And I did ignore him again, back to how I treated him. Yet he still came to me. His treatment didn’t change even a bit. Still with his cheerful greeting, excited reminder for lunch time, even when the over time he waited for me. His attention didn’t lessen any bit. It was like he still pouring me the same amount of affection even he didn’t get the same return. You should open your eyes Junsu. You couldn’t lay your love on me. I couldn’t.

But I realized another thing. His heart is too big. His kindness is too much. His attention is too caring. He was all you can say beside good thing. I didn’t deserve him. He could get a better one. No. He deserved the best. Not a person like me.

Another two weeks, I passed with the very same action to him. But it was getting harder for me to act like that. There was this guilty feeling every time I saw him waiting for me until late night for every of my over time, yet I left him almost for all the time. I felt guilty when I ignored his greeting. I felt bad when I know he kept walking behind me unknowingly until I reached my apartment. I looked from the window after I turning on the light and he left from the spot in front of my place. Why were you keep on doing this Junsu? Didn’t I make this clear?

Almost a month. No change. He didn’t back off.

Every day, there was this mint candy on my desk. I knew it's from him. But what was this? It was different. It wasn’t in blue warp but pink. I took it from curiosity. I looked at it for a while and found at the back of it, there was this messy picture. It looked like a smiling face but the contour of the candy doesn’t let it to line smoothly as it crooked a little at the end. The smiling face ended showing a smirking face. He did this? I laughed a little. I didn’t know why but it looks funny.

And suddenly he popped up from behind my small thin cubicle's wall. He beamed at me.

"That's the first time I ever heard you laugh!"

Almost immediately my smile died down. I didn’t expect him to be there because usually he wasn’t. Or was he? I didn’t know. He was still surprisi