I look at the paper under my feet. I take it and read for the message. It is from you. I know it.

We're over Min - Hwanhee

I know this day will come.

Before that day, I would always convince myself not to waver from you. I said to you that my love won’t change, I like you since the first time I met you. I asked you, will you believe it?

You scoffed.

No. You said you won't believe with things like love in the first sight, eternal love, you won’t believe such things. You laughed at me, you said I'm being ridiculous. I tried my best to do not care any bit about it. I thought as long you understand what I feel about you, you know where you are at my heart, you know what you are in my life, I can live with that.

You know when the time I resented this imbecile self the most? The time when I finally realized my stupidity to trust your word, yet I still strongly denied it. The time when I finally realized that your heart isn’t with me anymore, yet I still persuade myself to believe it oppositely. The time when you threw me away yet I'm assuring myself that you still keep me as a part of your heart. Even until the last time, I still strongly believe you'll come back to me.

How stupid of me. Of course you won't look back, you won’t hold me to go, you won’t stop me to step out from your apartment, from your life. But at least, said properly to me and look at my eyes when you said it. You said goodbye with a piece of paper, told me not to wait for you again, under the slit of my bedroom door, and you left for work as if nothing happen.

And I will go.

As you said, as you asked me to, I'm disappeared from your life, from your sight, from you, like never be the part of your life. I left that suffocating place. At first I left because I know we can’t be mending anymore. And then I knew, you had someone else and I wasn’t the one you care the most anymore. I knew it.

So, I left, on the very same day as I read your message.

I'm hiding myself like a dust, I was there but I can’t be seen. I pray for myself to quickly forget you, to not think anything about you, to let go my feelings for you.

The day rolls, work and daily live are my friends now. I went to work just for living expense for my parents, no more purpose I put in my life, because you were the reason before. And now you were gone, so as my purpose, my reason.

I repeated one line every day. "I can forget him." Countless, daily. I could always confidently say that I can forget you. I can let you go. Was it? Was I did it? Was I succeeding? No, nothing changes. I still can’t let go the lingered feelings. Still in the back of my mind, do you miss me? Do you still remember me? Do you still know me? Do you, Hwanhee hyung?

I know every change of feeling in you. We started to live together because you said I'm the one that understand you the most. You said I'm the one that exactly know what you need. You said I'm the one that you need. You said it.

I blindly agreed with you, because you always smile when you're with me. You looked like yourself when you're around me. You annoyed me sometimes but you never show lies to me. I liked it, I liked your smile, I liked your honesty, I liked your companion, I liked you hyung. No, I loved you and kept on loving you. You were my reason to live, you were my everything, you, who used to be all I care for.

Are you happy now? Knowing that I can’t forget you even I want to, so much, really bad that I'll give my everything to erase every of your tiny bit in me. You found me waiting at the very same place for each of our date with someone else on your arm. The eyes that shone the same light when you were with me before, when you loved me, if i could say it, now it looked at someone else. It wasn’t mine to claim anymore. It was never meant for me.

I hope you notice me there hyung. Stupid right? After you dumped me and still hoping that you might regret to leave me or noticing my presence. And I knew it, you saw me, I knew you know it’s me, but you didn’t even bother to say anything to me. You passed me, walked away as if I'm not even there.

For the last month I've been asking myself. What's wrong with me? Am I not good enough? Am I not the one you need? Am I bad? Is that why you left me? Why were you left me? No, why were you asking me to leave? Because of that one person? Because of your newly found love? And you throw me like nothing?

"I'll leave so you can live better."

I hoped once to say that to you and now I did it. I came to you, hoped I can ended my feeling, to stop it just at that point. The more I hoped for you, it became pointless. You won’t ever comeback to me. You were happy with that man. You found my replacement. I'm not needed anymore.

I said that to your face merely just for my satisfaction, the sign for me to stop this ridiculous hope, to stop this stupid mind, to stop this imbecile person to keep the love for you. I want to leave those memories. I want to give it back to you, I want you take it all of it, left nothing in me anymore.

Did it work?

No, it's still not work. I was still seeing you in my dreams, still remembering you for any incidents that happen when I was with you. I want to tear the core of my head, the part on my brain that saved those memories. I demand those to be burned down, to be closed at the furthest side on my mind, with stainless steel metal box, and lock it with the most complicated password that just me who know it.

I ran my life just like usual. Plain. Boring. Calm. Silence. Less smile. No fun. No you. No one.

Months rolling into years and enter the third one.

At last I could lock it. I could! I did it!

You never appear anymore in my head, I never saw you again in my dreams. Each little incident never reminded me of you anymore. I did it. As last, Shim Changmin did it. That imbecile man. That boy who blinded with his love for you. I could bury you down and deep, not even a chance to resurface. But I locked it together with my own feelings, together with my own will, together with all my heart can feel. It's the compensation. I didn’t mind. I didn’t care. As long as I can free myself from the heart ache, from the clenched squeeze, from the broken pieces sense, I do. I'm willing.

I didn’t have any heart more to feel. I didn’t have any memory left to think of someone else. I didn’t have any love left in me, because I locked it, I buried it, I thrown it far away with your memories. Far away from my own touch.

Two years with my own world. Just me and the password that I keep on my own.

I was still working. Daily live is my best friend. Documents are my teacher. People around me are nothing.

My dad died one year before, . It was so sudden and none expect this. Mum cri