For a place that sold cuts of dry-aged beef that could set her back hundreds of thousands of won, Ara felt that The Barn was too casual, in spite of its understated and elegant interiors and tableware.

Based on the reviews online, she thought that she would feel at home wearing her usual distressed skinny jeans, graphic sweater and the lace-up leather boots that her mother hated so much, but the pop music that played in the background was taking it a little too far and it made her cringe. The only other sign that the restaurant was a premier destination for those who liked their steaks was the tall, glass case at the end of the hall that displayed bottles of pricey wine. She fidgeted in her seat and glanced at her watch as she waited for her family to arrive.

Her head started to ache as she looked at the menu again and groaned when she tried to tally how much this little family luncheon would cost her. She berated herself for choosing the restaurant; but her father liked the porterhouse, Mrs. Yoon raved about the wine-steamed and broiler-baked abalone and her sister had written an article about the steakhouse for the magazine that she worked for.

It was the perfect place to break the news to her parents and sister that she might be leaving the family home soon- cozy, relaxed and still up to par with their expensive tastes in food.

Her parents arrived arguing about a medical check-up that her father had missed that morning. The only thing that could calm her mother down once they were seated was when her father promised to call his secretary and re-schedule his appointment. Mi Rae, her sister, arrived not too long after. After their usual greetings and her mother’s hushed complaints about her skinny frame, a waiter, who looked like he’d rather have his toenails pulled out with a pair of pliers supplied everyone else with menus and more wine lists.

Mr. Yoon always drank cabernet sauvignon with his steaks, and Ara’s hands started to sweat as he ran his finger down the list, because his preference ranged from the wines produced from the vineyards of Caymus and Chateau Montelena.

“How is the cabernet from the cellars of Vaso?” her father asked.

“Excellent choice, sir. But may I know how you would like your steak?”

Mrs. Yoon clucked her tongue when her husband responded that he liked it medium rare. Mi Rae’s phone rang again and she had to step outside, and Ara felt her anxiety build up. They were supposed to be sitting down and ordering their meals, having a nice, quiet conversation about the weather; not arguing about health issues and answering their phones.

“The 2011 Far Niente Cabernet Sauvignon with a porterhouse would be a wonderful pairing, sir,”

Ara wanted to punch the waiter in the mouth for his suggestions, but she just smiled. Getting her father’s blessing for her to finally move out and live on her own was more important than getting her bank account wiped out. Maybe she could ask Kris for reimbursement. She folded and unfolded her napkin for the third time, and her sister, who just came back from her phone call, grabbed it from her before she could fold it again.

“Everything okay?” Mi Rae asked with a frown.

The faint clinking of silverware against china added to Ara’s nervousness and she gave her sister a tight smile. Their waiter came back a few minutes later with their starters and she opened to say something, but her mother thought that it was also the perfect time to make unnecessary comments about how Ara’s face was looking thinner and paler recently.  

“Mother, I’m fine. It must be the terrible lighting in this place,” she said. “Excuse me, I need to go to the bathroom,”

Ara hurriedly made her escape, ignoring her mother’s questions if she was feeling okay. She fumbled with the clasp of her purse as she let herself in the bathroom and with shaking fingers tapped at her phone. Kris answered just as she locked the door of the empty stall that she had chosen.

“Hey, beautiful girl!” his voice sounded thick with sleep.

“I can’t do it!” she said in a frantic voice.

“What? Do what? Are you okay? What’s going on?”

“I’m about to tell my parents that I’m moving out and I think I’m going to throw up just thinking about it,” she said.

When she had made the reservations at the steakhouse, what she had in mind was to let her parents know that she would be gone for the weekend and her realtor was still in the process of looking for places that she might move in to. It had all made sense then; just news to soften the blow that she may be living on her own soon and get them used to the idea that she would not be around as often as they would like her to be.

Now that things were a little bit more complicated, maybe paying an arm and a leg (throw in her kidneys too) for a meal didn’t sound so bad. Maybe they wouldn’t take it too hard that it was her new boyfriend that found an apartment for her.

“Babe, calm down. I’m sure they’ll understand. I mean, you’re an adult-“

“They will freak out! Do you think my dad will like the idea that you helped me look for a place? What will he think! And my mother! I can’t do this!”

It became a different story when she noticed how her father looked more tired than usual, since the renovations for the suites of the family-owned hotel have started. Her mother was also nagging about her health more than she usually did, and Ara didn’t even want to start thinking about what her sister would say about the most recent development with her relationship with Kris. She sat on the gleaming white toilet after putting the cover down.

 “Okay…hey, I’m sorry. We’re out in the middle of nowhere filming and I’m sorry I can’t be there,” he said.

The guilt immediately replaced the panic that was making it harder for her to breathe, and she leaned against the cubicle wall. She took several deep breaths to try and calm herself down.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t even ask if you were free to talk,”

“It’s okay, I was just sleeping, some of the guys are out to buy stuff for dinner later,” he explained that they were out by the beach, a long drive from the city. It was supposedly an episode that would show all EXO members having fun on a mini-vacation. She laughed a little when he complained that the crew had wanted him to run and frolic in the cold waves as penalty for a game they played.

“It wasn’t even me who lost the stupid game. Ugh. I’d rather sleep than be here to be honest,” he yawned. “So. Do you want to wait until I’m back? I can talk to them about us, you don’t have to do this alone,”

“You’re making it sound like we did something really, really bad,” she whined. The anxiety started to build from her gut again.

“Hey, this is practice for when I ask for your hand in marriage!” he joked.

“Marriage?” she croaked. “I shouldn’t have called you, you’re making me feel worse,”

The knock on the door made her jump and her phone clattered to the floor. She could hear the soft sounds of Kris’ voice from the receiver, probably asking if she was okay. With trembling fingers she unlatched the lock and she stared at her sister, standing in front of the stall she was just in, arms folded on her chest.

“Mind telling me what’s going on?” Mi Rae asked with narrowed eyes.

Ara swallowed as she picked her phone up and wiped it against her jeans. “Yifan? Yes, I’m okay. But I’m going to have to call you back.”

Her sister watched like a hawk about to swoop on its prey. Ara just shook her head as she continued to pack and tick things off from her list, and tried to zip up a big duffel bag filled with books, crackers, Disney DVDs, fruit snacks and a first aid kit. She had a separate bag for the rest of the boys, bursting at the seams with cookies, chips, dried fruit and several six packs of sodas, beer and bottles of soju.

“I’m a little confused,” her sister remarked. “It looks like you depleted the stocks of the Disney website and bought half of the liquor store,”

Ara laughed and double checked that the horror movie Sehun had requested for her to bring was not mixed up with the animated ones she brought for Haneul.

“Um. I’m actually kind of babysitting for a friend this weekend,” she said with what she hoped was not a very guilty smile. “I’m not really going for an out of town commercial shoot. I mean it is out of town but-“

“At the beach house, right? With Junymyeon’s bandmates? That’s a disaster waiting to happen,” Mi Rae said as she helped fold a small mountain of clothes Ara had picked for the trip.

“I hope not,” Ara said. “Please don’t tell mom and dad?”

Her sister just sighed and nodded. They continued to pack in silence but her sister kept giving her disapproving glances, but she was too busy to care. Mi Rae came across the set of keys of her new apartment and placed them on her dresser table.

“So. When are you moving to your new place?” she asked.

“In a few weeks, or earlier if possible. I’m not sure, I’ve so much stuff to get done at work before the year ends I haven’t even thought about it,” Ara said. “I mean, did just sign the lease, so…”

Mi Rae just nodded and Ara tried to ignore the penetrating stare that was now being directed in her direction. She wished that her sister would just let everything go, at least for now. It had been a stressful morning at work, having to fight tooth and nail to be able to get the rest of the day off so she could have lunch with her family and pack for her short trip this weekend.

Her ears were buzzing with the excitement knowing that she would see Yifan again, less than twenty-four hours since they’ve confessed their feelings for each other. The surprise at the beach house was the one thing that kept her going. With less sleep than she would like and more caffeine than her body needed, she could hardly wait to just be with him; not a care in the world, even if for just a few days.

She was still dealing with the initial reactions of her parents and sister when she told them that she was moving out of the family home; to an apartment that her new boyfriend had found for her. The silence was so deafening when she mentioned her plans, and it was as if she had just announced that the North had begun their nuclear attack on this side of town. Ara sighed. Her father was not completely pleased, but at least they have not outright rejected the idea of having Kris as a part of her life, either.

Then there was her cousin. Not a phone call or a text message and she was certain that the news would have reached him already. She was willing to fight for Kris, but Junmyeon’s opinion mattered. He had never been really supportive of any guy she had dated, and for good reasons too. She hoped that she could prove him wrong this time.

But it was comforting to know that there were people who were genuinely happy for her like Luhan, who was ecstatic and also just a little bit jealous. Mrs. Yoon, her mother, said that they at least needed a year to prepare for the wedding. Her sister just looked on when Ara sputtered out her protests.

“At least we know he’s decent with gifts,” Mi Rae said.

Ara looked up and frowned. “What?”

“Oh, mom and I watched the last two episodes of their reality show last night. For the most recent one they had a gift exchange of some sort, and they had to buy something with only ten thousand won or something,”

“What did he get?” she asked.

“Pork belly,” Mi Rae said.

She groaned. “That’s decent? He is so embarrassing sometimes! What did mom say?”

“She laughed. I mean, Kris could be picking his nose and mom would still think he’s the best thing to ever happen to our family since tax deductions. It was pretty funny, the other kids got bread and stationery, who does that? One of the Chinese boys with the cute dimple? He got spicy rice cakes. The boy who looks good with two pounds of kohl on his eyes thought it was a good idea to give away a signed picture of himself,” Mi Rae said with a snort. Ara had to laugh, because that sounded like something Baekhyun would do.

Her sister cleared and the silence that followed was awkward, and she hated it.

“Ara, look. I know that just a few weeks back I was kind of pushing you into maybe giving yourself another chance in the love department…But, are you sure you know what you’re doing?”

She stopped packing her moisturizer and face masks into her toiletry bag and thought about her sister’s question. There were very few things that she was sure of in her life. There was her family and a few, but chosen and trusted friends, her drive for her career to take off, her need to help and take care of others.

And there was Kris.

“No…I don’t. In fact, I’m scared as hell. I haven’t really thought about it, or I just refuse to, maybe? The past twelve hours it seems like all I do is feel; that this is the happiest I’ve ever been and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. But when I start thinking about it I get numb with fear because everything just seems to be falling into place I wonder when it will eventually fall apart,” she rambled.

“Hey…”

“I’m sorry. I tried to ignore it, how I felt about him. I swear the last thing I need right now is for something as complicated as this. But there are feelings that can’t be helped, I guess?” Ara asked with a rueful smile. “Whatever happens, I know I won’t regret this. If I get burned in the end, so be it. But I just have to see for myself if this will work out,”

Mi Rae gave her a look mixed with affection and concern that Ara felt guilty for making her worry like this.

“Okay, if you say so…but be careful okay? It’s just that the last time you were so torn I swore I won’t let anybody hurt you like that again and it doesn’t help that I hardly know a thing about this guy,”

“Mom made him promise to come to Sunday dinner for the next six months, you’ll have plenty of time to get to know him. Don’t worry, he’s a great guy,” Ara said.

The smile that Mi Rae gave her showed that she wasn’t convinced, and Ara felt a knot tighten in her stomach.

“I’m sure he is. I mean, they all are in the beginning.” Mi Rae said.

The drive to the beach house took about five hours, and Haneul slept most of the way. She gave him a set of binoculars and that entertained him for a while, but the last forty-five minutes the boy just about drove her crazy, asking every two minutes if they were almost at their destination.

“Haneul, baby, just a little bit longer and we’ll be there, okay? You’ll see your daddy and we’ll have a nice dinner-“

“I’m tired,” the boy whined.

“I know, sweetheart, we’ll be there soon. Do you want me to play some of your daddy’s music?”

Hanuel bounced in his carseat and shouted yes please! Ara had to stop herself form laughing out loud because he knew all the lyrics and sang along with such enthusiasm that would put even the most devoted fangirl to shame. She enjoyed that part of the long drive, and before they knew it, she was cruising through the exclusive neighborhood were the house was located.

She clicked on the gate opener and was relieved that the four-car garage was still empty, and quickly parked, leaving enough space for the two vans that the boys would arrive in. Haneul begged to be let out of his car seat and after closing the gate behind her, unlatched his seatbelts and let him run around.

They had to walk through a narrow, pebbled pathway that led to the front of the two-story house. It had tall, glass walls, the ones facing the front yard and she saw that the lights inside were on. She helped Haneul remove his shoes and she toed off her own and placed those at the bottom of one of the many cubby holes at the mud room by the front door. Their coats were hung in a corner.

“Welcome back, miss,” Mrs. Choi greeted her as they stepped in.

She smiled and gave the old housekeeper a hug. “How are you Mrs. Choi? Thank you for getting the house ready,”

The big, white sheets that usually covered the furniture have been removed, and the living room smelled like fresh laundry. The grand piano was gleaming in a corner and Haneul had buried himself in one of the bean bags that was scattered on the hardwood floor. The oriental rugs felt soft and fluffy under her socked feet and she wondered if they had been shampooed recently. She laughed at old pictures of herself, her sister and cousins that were on the walls and the shelves that were filled also filled with books.

She walked into the kitchen and the housekeeper showed her that the refrigerator had been stocked with meat and vegetables, and a huge basket of fruit sat on the counter top. There was a simmering pot of soup, and the rice cooker pinged, signaling that it was done cooking. There were steaming dishes of kimchi, seasoned laver, bean sprouts, roasted peanuts, fried tofu and rolled egg omelets cut neatly in little rolls that were already set up on the table.

“Your cousin called just a while ago, they’ll be here in half an hour so I’d cook the beef just before they get here so it will still be warm. Why don’t you go wash up, I’ll get your bags for y