Ara was all sorts of confused when she finally opened her eyes at two in the afternoon.

It was in between wanting to sleep longer and doing something about her thirst. was dry as a bone and there was a relentless pounding at the back of her head that was only made worse when she woke up with a start and tumbled off of her bed, sheets wrapped around her legs. There was small shriek and a dull thud when she landed on the hardwood floor of her bedroom. The sudden knock made her jump, and her sister found her lying down, a bird’s nest for her hair and hands clutched at her heaving chest.

“What are you doing?” Mi Rae asked. “Actually, should I even ask-“

“I’m going to be late!” She screamed, limbs flailing as she tried to untangle herself from the floor and her sheets.

“Ara, it’s-“

“Can you drive me to work? Please? My head is killing me!” She cried. “, actually get my phone and call my boss while I shower-“

“Ara.”

She ran to her closet and started throwing things around, looking for a decent pair of jeans and blouse. “Where is my green top?” She yelled while frantically going through hangers of clothes.

“YOON ARA!”

“WHAT?”

“It’s Saturday. Calm down. What crack are you on and who is your dealer?” Her sister deadpanned.

“Oh,” She turned around to face her sister who was now sitting on her bed watching her with an amused expression on her face. She let out a sigh of relief. “I was so scared,” She collapsed on the overstuffed chair by her door. Her heart was racing and the pounding in her head was still there, and she winced when her sister stood up to pull at her blinds and bright light filled the room.

“Ow,” She moaned.

“You look like hell,” Her sister squinted at her. “What happened last night?”

Ara cleared . “Well,”

Mi Rae waved her hands. “Actually, you know what? Just go ahead and shower. Then you should probably drink a gallon of water, you sound like Gollum.”

Mi Rae watched her scarf down a huge plate of eggs, bacon, waffles and hash browns. “Slow down,” She said. 

Ara closed her eyes as she chewed hungrily on her food. “I love bacon,” She mumbled.

“You eat like a truck driver,”

“How do you even know how truck drivers eat?”

“That’s beside the point. So. You going to tell me what happened last night or what?”

Ara swallowed her food and took a big gulp of her apple juice. She debated if she should leave out the part about her kind-of-disastrous blind date, or just plough through her almost-make-out sessions with Kris. Her face flamed at the thought and she hastily grabbed her drink and sipped slowly, hoping to hide the blush on her cheeks behind the glass.

“You’re blushing all the way to the roots of your hair. Did you get some last night?”

Ara spluttered her denials, Mi Rae protested about the juice on her shirt, Ara denied some more and Mi Rae refused to believe it all until she finally told the story of how she ended up getting home at around three in the morning. The flitting expressions of anger, anxiety, amusement and glee on her sister’s face was almost comical, except it wasn’t funny anymore, because the more she thought about it, the faster doubt started to spread in her chest like a wildfire. She wondered if her version of how things really happened between her and Kris were fair enough for reality or just fluffed up by her feelings for the man.

“Wow,” Mi Rae said.

Ara pushed her plate away and lay her head on the marble counter and groaned. “I know. I’m an idiot. I shouldn’t have kissed him,”

It felt like that one time when her roommates thought it was a good idea to give her a brownie that was made with some other ingredients other than what came in the box. She was high as a kite that night; all the colors and sounds were so vivid. Every brush of arm against hers or hands that patted her hair was so magnified, even laughing felt like an entirely new and different experience. Memories were hazy, but half an hour later she was in the bathroom, puking her guts out.

The crash was so painful that the pit of her stomach felt empty and heavy at the same time, and she wasn’t thinking about that crazy party in her freshman year anymore.

“Was there tongue?”

“What.”

“Was there tongue?”

Ara straightened up and glared at her sister. “I just told you how my ex is still ruining my life years after we’ve broken up, that I kissed the guy I’m pretty certain I am almost two-thirds of the way being in love with and I am conflicted about everything and that’s all you’re going to ask me? If there was tongue involved?”

“Would you believe it when I say that it may shed some light on the matter if you tell me?”

She hesitated because Mi Rae looked almost serious, if not for the mischievous glint in her eyes. It was almost too easy to just let it all out, like word vomit, but it didn’t feel right to share with someone else how he gently brushed his lips against hers, pressed against the corners of that made her want for more. She wanted to love him with her fingers and her lips, with all that she had, she wanted to take care of him, she wanted him to need her, see her in a different light other than the Girl Friday on his list of contacts.

The thought made her sad more than anything. She decided that today will be the day that no amounts of s will be given, spent in sweats and a tattered Yonsei fleece hoodie while stuffing her face with caramel popcorn as she watched season after season of tear-inducing dramas.

“Hey, look, it was a joke-“

“No, there wasn’t any. He…he just held and kissed me. And held my hand.”

Mi Rae pursed her lips, her eyes smiling. “Well that’s sweet,”

“What?”

“I said that’s sweet. You’ve known him for a while, right?” Mi Rae nodded when she hummed her reply. “It’s really tricky, considering there’s really nothing, concrete, about your status, I guess? But that little kiss made you see fireworks, and that doesn’t happen all the time. I just think that anyone who’s not trying to your face even if he likes you and you obviously like him back is well, romantic. And romantic is good, little sister.”

“You think he likes me?” Ara choked on her spit. “Wait! You think he knows I like him?”

Mina frowned as she reached for a grape from the fruit bowl. “Usually when you kiss someone or send flowers to their mother? Yeah, that means they like you. I don’t know, how does it work on the planet where you’re from?”

She ignored the jibe and puffed her cheeks. “I think he likes me, as a friend,”

Mi Rae shook her head and chewed on her grape, “Yes, because I usually ask my guy friends that I have purely platonic relationships with to go on dates with me, just for the heck of it. Come on Ara, I’m an outsider, I can see the whole thing. You guys are running in this little love circle even if it’s obvious to everybody else how you feel for each other,”

“You’re being a girl, looking too much into things, thinking too much,” Ara argued. She hated getting her hopes up.

“And you’re not?”

“It’s just not possible.”

“And why is that?”

“We’re friends?” Even to her ears, the excuse that she came up with sounded lame. She could have said that he was too good looking, too kind, too popular, too everything to even be looking her way, but her sister was within arms’ reach and she didn’t want to risk being slapped out of her own pity party.

“You really are denser than I thought. May the force be with Yifan. Kris. Kevin. Actually, what do you call him? Stud muffin? Babycakes?” Her sister asked.

“Ha ha, very funny.”

It wasn’t the loud, heavy beats that reverberated from the gigantic, high end speaker to the walls, not the lights that hit her eyes all the wrong times or the smoke or the smell of alcohol and sweat that mingled from bodies that swayed and ground against one another that stopped Ara in her tracks.

It was the man who had his back and elbows against the bar, dressed in all black, his blonde locks styled and gelled in place. He was wearing the polite smile that usually fended people off from realizing that he was bored out of his mind, but for those who knew him well, like Ara, it was the kind of he look that he sported when he was ready to bolt out through the nearest exit, the moment he found the chance.

Her sister and her friend, the club manager, were right in front, leading the way to the VIP rooms reserved for their use for the night. The bar was to her right, the dance floor