word count: 3620
A/N: OH MY FREAK. I'M FINALLY DONE.

     The London tour ended. Everyone safely came back to South Korea, and the local dance team became an international dance team. With things changing for the good, there are two individuals who became different for the bad. After what happened in that London night, the two adolescents never spoke to each other. They both decided that they won’t quit their priorities, because avoiding each other won't solve anything. Instead, they never caught a glimpse of each other, and when their paths crossed, they walked on by as if they were invisible.

     Weeks passed. Soon, months ended, and without even realizing it, a year has passed by as if it was a wind breezing through one’s hair. Roxanne met another person, and his name was Kim Jongin a.k.a. Kai. He was another dancer such as Lay, and he’s a humorous gentleman with many surprises up his sleeves. Whenever Roxanne was in her melancholy stage, Kai would show up with flowers behind his back or a new song to share with her that’ll bring a smile to her face. Lay had a slight drinking problem, while Kai smokes cigarettes. Kai’s a charismatic man, and he makes every young lady fawn over him unlike Lay who’s actually quite the bashful gentleman.

     One day, Kai asked Roxanne to be in a relationship with him, and why would Roxanne refuse him? When Lay wasn’t there for her in her anxiety attacks, Kai would be smoothing her back and hushing her gently in his stead. When Lay wasn’t there to hold her close, Kai would wrap his arms around her and whisper sweet words into her ear. When Lay wasn’t there to kiss her in the lips, Kai kissed her instead. However, she did hesitate at first, because she didn’t want to treat Kai as if he was a second choice. On the other hand, Kai told her that he loves her to the point that he doesn’t care if her feelings towards him were still healing from the feelings she had for Lay. “If I have to, I’ll make you forget your feelings for him, but for now, let me heal your wounds, Roxie,” he told her. And even to this day, those words still echo in her head.

     She doesn’t want to forget the first man, who made her fall so deeply for him, but she desperately needs someone to mend her heart. Kai’s right. She should let him console her, because at least, when I was falling for Lay, Kai caught me. Taking a deep breath, she accepted Kai’s help. From then onwards, everyone knew about the new relationship between Kai and Roxanne and never mentioned about her old relationship with Lay.

     Time passed slowly ever since. Roxanne hardly sees Lay. In fact, it seemed as if Lay was never there in the first place. He removed ship from the international dance team, and he quit his job at the coffee shop. Roxanne even checked to see if he still existed by going to Seoul National University. The end result: he graduated a year early. Roxanne was happy that Lay finished college, but she couldn’t help but feel a small tang of sadness beat against her heart. I would understand why he wouldn’t invite me. We haven’t talked in almost two years. She thanked the man, who informed her about Lay's graduation, and drudgingly walked out of the university building.

     Finally, a year has passed, and Roxanne actually had a decent year. She moved out of her apartment to live with Kai, and they both adopted a puppy together. She traveled to North America for a country tour, and she had the opportunity to make a speech about her passion for dance in front of young children, who wish to be dancers as well. Kai had a successful audition to be a part of a k-pop industry company, and this year, Roxanne decided to give the social media a shot. But for now, dancing was her part time job while her main job is teaching English in a local high school. She was practically fulfilling her dreams – the dreams that she made with Lay.

     Lay, Yixing Zhang – that name stabbed her heart. The feeling felt as if someone was squeezing her heart. Her breathes insufficiently coming out of , and as she chokes on her tears, she finds herself on the floor crying in utter regret. Kai does his best to soothe his lover, and Roxanne tries her best to let him ease her. However, she never feels satisfied. Kai even tries to give her recreational , but Roxanne refused, slightly hurting Kai’s ego.

     Nevertheless, the love that Kai has for Roxanne never stops. He is a gentleman of patience, and oneabsolutely perfect day, he proposes to her. With wide eyes, Roxanne cover her gaping lips in complete shock. Kai was smiling to her, but in a sense, his smile was as if it was pleading to her. Tears were b in Roxanne’s eyes, and she fell on her knees hugging Kai close to her. One would expect Kai to pick her up and spin her around in happiness. No, instead, Kai wrapped his arms carefully around Roxanne and hushed her gently. She choked on her tears as she said, “I’m sorry, Kai, but I can’t. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Pl-please forgive me.”

     Roxanne kept on apologizing over and over again, because she never wanted to hurt another person, who experienced the same love as hers – the first love. She pleaded for Kai to forgive her, but all Kai did was rub her back and hug her close in comfort. He knew he would be rejected, but he was a big fool to have such high hopes. He did, yet he wasn’t the one who ended up in pain. The person who was indulged in agony was Roxanne, and he felt as if he was the worst man on earth to make his first lover be in so much torment.

     They continued to live with each other, and even though it took some time and progress, they slowly healed back into being friends. Everything was in the right place for Roxanne now. She didn’t feel any remorse, but there was still something missing. But what?

     One rainy morning, Kai came crashing throught the door with his whole entirety drenched from the weather. Roxanne was sevrely concerned, because Kai was catching his breath as if he just ran a marathon. She brought him to the living room and started to take care of him by taking off his coat. “Wait, I have to tell you something,” Kai said while catching his breath. Roxanne threw the soggy wet coat near the door, as she said, “I’m sure it can wait. You need to be taken care of first.”

     However, when she stood up from the couch and turned away, Kai grabbed her hand and roughly pulled her back to him. The female latter was laying against the cushions, and she felt the drips of water falling from Kai's hair onto her cheek, streaming down her face looking as if she shed a tear. Roxanne was about to call out to Kai, but he yelled out, “LAY IS LEAVING TO CHINA TOMORROW.” Kai was still catching his breath and looked at Roxanne with furrowed eyebrows and parted lips, looking as if he was about to snarl. On the other hand, Roxanne’s eyes were widened, and her face expression looked as if she was seeing Death himself.

     “He told me before he went back to his hotel, where he’s currently staying at. And he told me to give you his letter, but I told him that it’ll be better if he saw you,” he said while rummaging through his pants pocket to get the address, “so I got his address and - Roxie?”  Kai noticed that she wasn’t focusing on anything at all, and the life in her eyes seemed as if it disappeared. Roxanne’s mind was being flooded with the memories she shared with Lay, and now that he’s leaving, the memories that she has with him will only be memories of pain and regret. She wouldn’t be able to live with that. She rather die now and patiently wait for his first love in Heaven. She’s been living with misery and suffering in her heart, and she can’t take it anymore. Her hand desperately tried to reach for that hope, but it seemed as if Hope wasn’t there for her. No one is and no one will ever be not compared to how much Lay was there for her.

     Roxanne’s mental state was about to slip away into the deep, dark abyss until she felt a sharp sting on her cheek. Shortly afterwards she felt another sting on her other cheek, she was slowly getting back to her senses, and she saw that Kai with tears rolling down his eyes was hitting her. The adolescent called out to Kai, but Kai interrupted her again and yelled, “AREN’T YOU GOING TO DO SOMETHING? YOU CAN’T JUST LET YOURSELF DIE LIKE THAT. NOT BECAUSE OF THAT BASTARD. IF YOU LOVE HIM SO MUCH, THEN STOP KILLING YOURSELF AND RUN TO HIM AS IF YOUR LIFE DEPENDED ON IT.” Roxanne called out to him again, but Kai continued to yell at her.

     Roxanne was feeling worried and patient about Kai, but now, it was her turn to hit him. She swiftly punched Kai in the face, hearing a defnite crack, and that snapped Kai into his own sense. “SHUT THE UP. AND LISTEN TO ME.” Kai lowered back and covered his bloody nose. Roxanne rose from the couch, snatching the address out of his hand, and walked over to the entrance way to start putting her shoes on. “I love that bastard, and I’m going to prove to you that I’m not some cry baby. And thanks to you my face won’t look as beautiful to him, because you freaking left a scratch on my cheek.” She stood up straight and glared at Kai. “If anything, you’re the bastard.”

     The short pause took a moment for Kai to realize that she’s actually starting to take a step and that she knows it’s not too late to back down now. She's actually feeling confident within herself, and she's taking a chance! He laughed at her statement and retaliated, “Says the chic who punched me straight in the nose.”

     “Make sure you go to the hospital after you’re done changing into new clothes,” she ordered while putting on her coat and opening the door.

     “And what am I gonna say? My ex-girlfriend punched me in the face and ended up breaking my nose?”

     “Yes,” Roxanne smirked and added, “you needed a nose job anyways.” She left Kai in a dumb-founded state, and before running straight to the hotel where Lay is staying at, she chuckled to herself and said in her mind, “Thanks, Kai - for everything. Maybe, you are my hope.”

     After a breathless and non-stop run, she was close to the hotel with her whole body drenched and her eye sight became fairly blurry. Her body was swaying out of fatigue, but her plan was not to stop. As she was catching her breath, she dragged her sore feet to the front of the hotel only to see a familiar figure come out of the hotel. She could recognize those broad shoulder, thin wait, and tall height. She even noticed his dark brunette hair. Roxanne couldn’t believe it. It was Lay. It was Yixing in the flesh. After years of not seeing him and speaking to him, this was the best moment in Roxanne’s entire life. She breathed a wide smile and was about to run up to him even if she may be seen as an insane person. However, another figure exited out of the hotel.

     The figure looked a lady, who was fairly taller than her, and her luscious black hair was subtly tucked in a bun. No, this can’t be. It can’t. She chanted that sentence to herself over and over again until Yixing, his first love, kissed the woman on the lips. In that instant, Roxanne wanted to drop her knees and stay in that isolated position forever; however, she has a promise to keep and that’s to prove to Kai that she won’t cry. She won’t give up.

     As Lay bid the the woman farewell, Roxanne walked up tp him and lightly tapped him on the shoulder. Lay turned around and his eyes widen in utter surprise to lay his eyes upon Roxanne Lee. He was about to open his mouth to tell her so many things, but Roxanne pressed her fingers against her smiling lips, hushing him softly and shaking her head. They both examined each other from head to toe, and they both desperately wanted to tell each other everything that has happened to them. But most of all, they wanted to hug each other, feel each other’s warmth, be indulged within each other. Roxanne noticed something twinkling on Lay’s left hand, and another arrow shot through her heart. Gathering up her courage, she cleared and asked, “So I’m guessing you’re engaged?”

     “Yes, I am,” he replied in a slow tone. Roxanne smiled, feeling proud that he’s growing up, but the other half of her felt as if she was being crushed. Lay then asked, “How are you and Kai?”

     “We broke up.”

     “Oh, I – “ Lay couldn’t finish his sentence, because Roxanne wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in for a kiss.

     “Please, I miss you.” Her voice sounded strain as if she was holding back her tears, and she started to kiss along his jawline and whisper in his ear, “Please, take me away.”

     Lay knew exactly what she was begging for, and he was begging for it, as well.

     They were in a motel located far from the hotel he was staying at, and they acted in the only selfish way. They were desperate for each other. Yes, their bodies missed each other; however, the loving warmth that emitted between them is the entity that they missed. Roxanne missed Lay’s electrifying touches, and Lay missed the aroma of lavender emitting off from Roxanne as it fills his mind into ecstasy. Other people may see this as a greedy act, but they only see it as love – the desperate and wanting love for each other. “Yixing,” Roxanne breathed clutching her hand against the bed sheets and her free hand was being tangled in the male latter's hair.

     “Yes?” Lay breathed lowly, reaching down to his first love and softly caressing her cheek with his thumb.

     “Please, tell me you love me. Just this once. Even if this may be the last, please, tell me. Tell me you love me.” Roxanne’s eyesight started to become blurry due to her tears, and she started to choke on them as well. “Aw, .” She covered her face with her hands and tried to wipe away her never ending tears. “I promised Kai not to cry, and I did.” She whined and sniffled, feeling fairly disappointed on herself; however, Lay gently grabbed Roxanne’s hands and removed them away from her face. He kissed her forehead to the tip of her nose and to her plump lips.

     “Is he the responsible bastard for toiling your beautiful face?”

     “I told him that he was,” Roxanne chuckled only to wince a bit when Lay leaned down and gently the scratch on her cheek. She called out to him, but he hushed her and kept her hands pinned against the mattress as he gives her soft butterfly kisses all of her face, neck, and chest. He then traced his lips up to this ear and whispered something that made Roxanne cry. The tears that came out of her eyes wasn’t out of melancholy. Instead, they were tears of happiness.

     “It’s still you. It’s only you, and it will only be you.”

     The next morning, Lay gathered up all his things and made himself look presentable, because today was the day of his departure. When he was ready to go, he turned to Roxanne, who slept like a delicate angel with her eyelashes tickling against her rosy cheek, and her skin was glowing from the sun shining down on her. He smiled to himself and sat beside her, reaching out to her so that he can run his fingers through her hair. He noticed some saliva coming from the corner of , and he chuckled to himself, whispering to her, “An angel always has her flaws, right?” For the last time, he kissed her on the forehead. “At least, I love your flaws. I love your everything.” He gave her a last smile and noticed a piece of paper on the drawer next to the bed. It said:

     Here you, dimwit! I told you I was going to get a notebook for you so that you won’t draw on my arm. I don’t want to get ink poisoning from you, remember? Well, I actually don’t know if you were going to write to me before you leave, but I will! I just want to tell you that I’m proud of you growing up and moving so fast. Please, don’t feel any remorse for me. I’m growing up too, and when I do reach to your level, I’m going to prove to both you and Kai that I’m not a cry baby. And hey, you didn’t invite me to your graduation, meanie pie. You better invite me to your wedding, okay? That’s the least you can do for me. Try not to give your wife a pain, since you’re so lazy most of the time. Man, there’s so much I want to tell you, but I think, most importantly, I love you Yixing Zhang. Always will. No matter what. We’re a pair now, aren’t we? Paper to your pen?? Hehe, well, I hope to see you soon.

Your hopeless lover,
Roxie.

     Roxanne began to move in her sleep and opened her eyes to see the motel ceiling above her. She then turned to her side to see an empty space. Roxanne blinked at the empty space and sighed shortly afterwards, sitting up and scratching the back of her neck. She wiped the saliva escaping her lips and stretched her arms out. Suddenly, she heard a clink on the ground beside her, and she looked down to lay her eyes upon a golden puzzle piece necklace. She arched her eyebrow at it and picked it up, noticing from her peripheral vision that the note she wrote to Lay was ripped off. She looked at it only to see another note written to her.

     Silly, you think this is the end for us? This is just a new beginning, Roxie. We only made the prologue for our story. I have many things to tell you too, but I suppose what I said last night summed it all up. And okay, I won’t feel sad for you, but you gotta be strong for me. Okay? I’ll take care of myself for you, if only you take care of yourself for me. Sound like a good plan? I want you to be that independent Roxanne like how I first met you, alright? And even though I’m not there, I’m always thinking about you. And please, for me, let others help you. I love you the most, but other people love you as much as I do. So grab the hand that’s reaching out to you. Kay, Roxie? I got you a little present, by the way. The golden puzzle piece kind of reminds me of us. In fact, I have a golden puzzle piece myself. It fits yours too. It’s as if we’re the missing piece to each other. Wait, no, we are the missing piece to each other. Did you realize that? Man, crazy revelation there, huh? Well, I suppose, this is good-bye, Roxanne Lee – for now.

Yours and yours always,

Lay

     Roxanne stared at the letter; a tear shedding from her eye fell to the center of the paper. Her lips curved into a smile, and she wiped her tear away. For once in her life, she feels satisfied, and she really did find her first and true love. And love in return found her. She noticed something written in the back and when she read it, she laughed and fell back against the bed from the impact of her laughter.

     P.S. You could have given me your e-mail and phone number, ya know. Now, we can keep in contact with each other. Geez, have I told you how mellow-dramatic you are? Silly Roxie. You are so lucky that I love you. Here’s my contact, and you better send me a text right when you wake up. Okay? Okay. Love you.

     Tears escaped from Roxanne’s eyes due to the excessiveness of happiness, and she came down from her gleeful high, wiping her eyes and sitting up to read the letter again. “You dimwit,” she said aloud with a smile still fixated upon her lips, and when she looked outside the window, an airplane passed by with smoke trailing behind. As the smoke was trailing off, she released a sigh that must have been the happiest sigh to ever escape from her lips.

     This is a story about a man and a woman who loved each other and sacrificed for each other, and even in the end times, they always loved each other no matter what may happen between them.