By the time Jinki walked into his dorm after leaving for Borneo, he wished the bathroom wasn’t occupied because all he could think about was a warm bath and proper sleep. He barely responded to Minho’s ‘hyung, you’re back’ greet when he crossed their living room as he hurried to his own room. He dropped his bag carelessly as he reached into his drawer and got himself a pair of his most comfortable pajamas before claiming the empty bathroom.

On the other side, Minho was waiting for his hyung to finish his bath and told him how Borneo was. He had been very curious about this ever since he heard the news of his hyung joining Law of The Jungle in Borneo. Sadly, Minho had to wait a little longer for the tale of the older boy in the jungle because as soon as Jinki walked out of the bathroom, he headed straight to his room and threw himself to the warmth of his bed.

Minho wondered how tough it was there for their leader to be this tired.

Once the comfy of his bed hit him, Jinki felt his muscles relaxed and for the first time after a few days of hardship, he felt like breathing in ease. He tried to clear his mind from unnecessary thoughts but unfortunately, he couldn’t empty his heart and mind from those weary feelings that had been settling in there since the days in the jungle. Regardless, Jinki was grateful enough that his tire won over anything and helped him to fall asleep.

“Hyung, hyung, it’s time for dinner.” Minho shook Jinki’s body carefully as he didn’t want to upset the leader. Actually, he felt bad for waking him from his deep slumber but he didn’t feel like letting him skip his meal. Jinki stirred in his sleep and his heavy eyelids started to flutter open. He blinked a few times to adjust to the brightness of his room. He assumed Minho switch the light on.

“What?”

“Hyung, it’s time for dinner,” Minho repeated. Jinki sighed and dismissed the younger after promising him to appear at the dinner table soon.

Jinki glanced to the clock on his night table. It was 8 PM and he silently thanked Minho for waking him up because now that the drowsiness had left him, he could hear his stomach growling from hunger. When he joined Minho at the dining room, the younger pointed to the chair in front of him. He plopped down on the said chair and started to fill his bowl. It was only them two. He knew their managers were back at home. SM miraculously gave them break during Lunar New Year. He was about to ask for the other members when he heard the sound of the door open and the familiar voice chimed in the quiet dorm.

“I’m home. Oh, hyung! You’re back! Why no one told me about your coming?” he claimed the empty seat next to Jinki and stared at the dishes. “You guys are so mean. Look at these foods! Are you two planning on eating all of these behind our backs?” Jonghyun started to fill his bowl without waiting for answers.

“I didn’t know you would be home for dinner,” Minho excused, eyes not leaving his own bowl.

If anyone was there with them, they might be able to feel that the atmosphere at the moment wasn’t really pleasant, in some ways.

“Where’s Key?” Jinki asked, breaking the silence.

“Practicing with Woohyun. They’ve been spending time for their sub after you left.” Minho informed. Jinki nodded his head as he processed the information. He was oblivious to what s were up to since he left for Borneo. It wasn’t that he had to know everything they did but it was always better to know, simply because he was the leader.

“And Taemin?” He added. Jinki didn’t need to lift his head to confirm the uneasiness that started to come from Minho after he asked about the youngest. “Any of you do not know where he is?” Jinki asked, a little bit surprised to know that no one knew what Taemin was doing.

“He’s in Japan.” Jonghyun’s reply was very low. If it wasn’t because of the silence of their dorm, he might not hear that.

“Oh,” Jinki was startled to hear that. As long as he could recall, they didn’t have any schedule in Japan around this time. But wait, “but manager hyungs are back at home. How could they send him alone?”

“Look, hyung, Taemin is in Japan for holiday. Okay?”

At that, Jinki was relieved.

Jinki knew it was risky but he could care less about it now. It was just unbearable, the wretched feeling that occupied his heart and the excessive thought of something he never wanted. He lit up his sixth cigarettes that night and let the nicotine got in his nerves and helped him to calm his mind. He was grateful that no one visited this park or else, he would be in danger of getting caught. Even though he looked a little different without any make up on, people would still be able to recognize him if they stared long enough. Once again, he couldn’t bring himself to care about it.

“Hyung, how’s Borneo?” Minho asked when he reached back to their dorm. He took off his jacket and put it inside the laundry basket. After he made sure he didn’t smell like tobacco, he joined Minho on the couch.

“It’s hot at noon and full of mosquitoes at night.”

“Is that all you can tell after staying there for days?” Minho wanted more. Feeling bad after he looked at Minho’s sparkling eyes, Jinki decided to tell him every detail of Borneo. In the middle, the door of Jonghyun’s room cracked open and he joined them on the couch after nagging about not calling him to hear the story of Jinki’s adventure in Borneo. The talk continued till late at night. They stopped when Kibum was back. Kibum went straight to his room after saying Hi to Jinki, didn’t bother to question about Borneo. It was obvious that Kibum would be the least interested about a place that had too much sunlight and made him sweat. Beauty came first, Kibum’s rule.

“What are you doing?” Jinki asked to Jonghyun when he followed him to his room. He remembered that they had called it a day and declared it was time to sleep.

“Can I stay with you tonight?” Jonghyun asked back innocently as he sat on Jinki’s bed. “Manager hyungs aren’t here so there’s much space left for me.”

“What if I say you can’t?” Jinki replied nonchalantly, trying to remain composed.

His answer startled the younger a bit. “Why is that? My roommate is gone, and so are yours. Why don’t we just sleep together? Besides, I missed you, you know.” Jonghyun looked at Jinki as he waited for the approval he didn’t know he wouldn’t get no matter how much he begged for it.

“I’m tired. I want to have my room all for myself. Can you please sleep in your own?”

At that, Jonghyun knew that Jinki was dead serious and it was wise not to disturb him further.

“Okay,” he smiled. But a piece of him was left in that room when he walked away.

People said having bad habits was like sitting on a couch. It would be hard to leave it. That was what happened to Jinki. His smoking habit became regular as he found it seething and relaxing. He did a good job on avoiding Jonghyun in a way the younger wouldn’t notice. Completely ignoring the younger would result on getting confronted. So he didn’t do it, he would still respond him but when it got further than hyung-donsaeng things, he would stop. He didn’t even let Jonghyun hug him. Jinki thought it was enough. He didn’t want any skinship, any sugary talk with Jonghyun. His heart had been broken, shattered to pieces, he didn’t need it to be crushed to dust.

If he thought Jonghyun would let it slip, it didn’t work that way with Minho. Jinki realized that there was something off about Minho but he just couldn’t put his finger on it. He wanted to ask him but when he attempted to, the younger would shrug it off like nothing was wrong and it was only his feelings. Jinki didn’t aware that Minho thought about him the same way. That was why on the seventh day, Minho followed him out. If Minho didn’t know what the leader get from the convenient store, he later found out that it was a pack of cigarette.

Minho knew that sometimes, his hyung would smoke just because he could. But it was always electric cigarette and not in public place like this. He silently watched Jinki lit up the tobacco stick one by one until he was worried that Jinki would literally finish one pack in one go.

“Are you intending on finishing them all in one go?” that was all Minho do to take Jinki by surprise.

Knowing that he was caught by Minho and denying it would do nothing good; Jinki smiled and patted the space next to him. “Do you want to join me?” he offered.

It didn’t take long for Minho to take the spot beside Jinki on the bench.

“I know there’s something wrong with you, hyung.” He started. “And smoking won’t solve it.”

“I smoke because I want to, Minho-ah. I think you know it already.”

“You know I’m not buying it.” Minho warned; his voice stern. “You know you can tell me, hyung.”

“I will, if you tell me yours.”

Jinki could hear Minho sigh beside him. He turned around and smirked gloriously. “You think I didn’t notice it?”

“How?”

“I just know. Maybe it’s the consequences of living under the same roof with you for years. I just can tell that there’s something off with you but I can’t put it in words. And I’m 100% sure it’s related to Taemin. So what’s wrong?”

Once again, Minho heaved a sigh before answering the question, “As you’ve known, he’s in Japan. With Kai. Just the two of them.”

Jinki nodded and a playful smile formed in his lips as he eyed his hurt friend. “You get jealous of them spending time together in Japan. We all know that he’s Taeminnie’s close friend.”

“I told him not to but he didn’t listen. It would be different if it wasn’t only the both of them.”

“I thought you were fine with Kai.”

“I’m good with him, in term of job. I just don’t trust his deed toward Taemin. You know how clingy they are and I don’t like it. Taemin and I also start off as friends, hyung. I don’t know what Kai might actually feel for him.”

“When are they going back to Seoul?”

“If they don’t change their minds, it’s tomorrow.”

“Oh, so there’s possibility for them to be later than that?”

“Sort of.”

“Do you still talk to him?”

“I don’t. We haven’t, from the time when he left the dorm.”

“What are you going to do with that?”

“I don’t know. I’ll just figure it out later when he’s home.”

“Don’t let this issue drag on like this. I’m afraid both of you will only be hurting each other if you don’t talk and set things clear.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll talk to him when he’s home. I’ve told you so.” Minho smiled when he felt Jinki’s hand pat his shoulder gently. “I told mine, now yours.”

“There is nothing, really. I just misread everything and result on disappointment.”

“Can you explain it in a way I can understand?”

“What have you been thinking about Jonghyun and me?” Jinki asked back.

Minho grinned at the question, “I’ve been thinking that there is something going on between you two. I can’t say that you’re officially a couple like Taemin and I but all those loving gestures… and Taemin caught you two kissing.”

Jinki was taken aback to know that Taemin caught them up. “Taemin did?”

“Yes. He told me right away. That’s when we start thinking that you two might be dating but we’re still unsure so we never bring it up.”

“We don’t. We never have. It started after Jonghyun broke up with Sekyung. I was thinking that Jonghyun might need someone to comfort him so he run to me because I’m the leader. I put up with his clingy behavior because I thought he liked skinship and maybe I would help him to feel better. But he never talked to me about anything. I didn’t know what he truly felt about his breakup, when he finally succeeded in moving on, and why his actions became bolder to me. I know nothing about him yet I assume that perhaps, he likes me more than that of a friend. And that’s the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. I think he doesn’t like me in that way. He only likes my body. And what we have is nothing more than friends with benefit.”

A silence followed after. Minho seemed to be deep in thought and Jinki didn’t blame him for not able to say something.

“Do you like him?” Minho carefully asked.

“There is nothing left to be talked about, Minho-ah. I just need to settle this thing with myself. It’s getting late. Let’s go!” Minho stopped Jinki from leaving and pushed him back to the bench.

“Do you like him? Is this because of Jonghyun hyung’s dating rumour?”

“I’ve had this kind of thought some time ago but I keep it bottled up and I guess it’s reaching its now. But yeah, the dating rumour acts as the trigger.”

Jinki might be smiling but Minho knew his heart was crying. Minho agreed that Jonghyun was a little mysterious as he himself didn’t know Jonghyun much better than Jinki. One thing that Minho kept in his mind was no one could hurt his hyung, especially their own members, not after what Jinki had done for them.

“Like what you told me, talk to him and set things clear, hyung.” That was what Minho said before they ended up walking home together.

Jonghyun wouldn’t deny that he didn’t expect Jinki and Minho would come back together with Minho’s arm around Jinki’s shoulder. Not that Jonghyun felt jealous, hell, he knew well that Minho could only love Taemin, but after days of rejecting his touch but letting Minho touch him brought that uneasy feeling in his stomach. That night, Jonghyun sneaked into Jinki’s room and wouldn’t leave before he got at least a warm goodnight hug from Jinki.

“Oh, God” Jinki was shocked when a pair of arms engulfed him in a backhug when he was changing clothes. Jinki could tell it was Jonghyun from his scent. “Jonghyun, let go of me.” Jinki ordered without facing Jonghyun.

“Just a moment,” Jonghyun buried his head in Jinki’s neck and pulled back as soon as he did. “Did you just smoke?”

“Jonghyun, don’t you see I’m in the middle of changing clothes? Can’t you get out and let me finish my business?”

“You’ve changed with me around for years, hyung. Were you out for smoking with Minho? Since when Minho –“

“That’s none of your business, Jonghyun. Just leave me alone, please.” That was what Jinki said which caused a moment of heavy silence between them. “Jonghyun, please, I’m going to get change.”

“Can I get in after you finish?”

“What will you do here anyway? I’m going to sleep after this.”

“Hyung, why are you like this?” the question he had been holding back finally slipped out.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m sorry but I’m tired. Can we talk tomorrow?”

“You’re acting weird. You don’t let me touch you. You don’t let me sleep with you. You keep saying you’re tired but you keep refusing my massage offer. We used to do all of those.” Jonghyun could see Jinki’s back tensing and the leader took a moment before saying anything.

“Before that, we used to not doing all of those too.”

“Hyung, what’s going on?” Jonghyun asked. Jinki could tell he was panicking.

“Nothing but I’m being tired and you aren’t going to leave me alone.”

“Hyung!” it was a yell of frustration. And Jinki just ignored him and continued his pending business.

“Is this because of that rumour?” Jonghyun finally spoke up after Jinki put on his pants and ready for bed. “You know the truth.”

“Sorry but I don’t know. I don’t know any single thing about you. I’m sorry for that. I’m not good enough as a leader. We can start talking about you more tomorrow, can’t we?”

“What do you mean you don’t know after what we’ve done together?” Jonghyun was being persistent. He was beyond upset. He wouldn’t go before he settled this matter with Jinki.

“You just like to use my body and I’m allowing you to. That’s what we’ve been doing together all this time.”

Jonghyun was at loss of words. He left, without saying anything anymore.

Their dorm couldn’t get more awkward than this morning because no one talked during breakfast and everyone headed back to their own stuff right after that. In the evening, when Taemin was back, things just got worse because Jonghyun and Jinki knew Minho was mad and didn’t know what to do with Taemin. At night, Jinki left the dorm as always, failing to notice that Jonghyun tailed behind. Jonghyun felt his blood boil on the sight of Jinki sitting alone on the bench, smoking a pack of cigarettes like it was the right thing to do.

To: Jinki hyung

Hyung, where are you?

Jinki checked his phone and put it back inside his pocket without replying the message. So Jonghyun decided to step out of his hiding place, he had enough with the older boy.

“So I was right yesterday. You’re out for smoking. Why didn’t you reply my message?”

“Why did you follow me?”

“Because I’ve had enough with your odd behavior lately.”

Just like when Minho found out for the first time, Jinki patted the spot next to him and said, “You want to join me and maybe we can have a talk about you and your secrets? There are no other members here so you can say anything without afraid of someone overhear our convo.”

Jonghyun did take a seat, but he had yet to say anything. He only watched the other lit up another cigarette after finished the previous. “Hyung, stop it.” He begged.

“Just talk to me. I’m capable of listening while smoking.” Jonghyun’s heart shattered into pieces when he heard that. The sight of Jinki destroying himself was too much for him to bear. And he knew it was his fault.

“Hyung, please stop.” He pleaded when Jinki started coughing. He rubbed Jinki’s back but the older just shifted away to avoid the contact.

“I’m okay, Jonghyun. If you don’t start talking, I’m afraid it’ll be too late and we should head back to the dorm.”

“I love you.” Jonghyun snapped. “I love you. I’m sorry I never tell you. I’m sorry I’ve made you think that I only use you. I’m sorry for always getting caught hanging out with girls. I’m sorry for everything but please know that I love you.”

Jonghyun’s confession struck him hard he put a halt on everything he did to stare at the younger. He didn’t react when the younger took his cigarette and threw it away. He didn’t react when the younger held his hand so tight it hurt. “I love you, okay. Not because I want you to accept me back, but because I do. I’m sorry for taking a long time to tell you. And when I do, it’s in the cold and dull park and in unpleasant time and in a far from romantic way.”

It took awhile for Jinki to gain himself back, but once he did, Jinki looked away. He tried to process that new piece of information on his mind and thought of a proper respond.

“So you love me?” Jinki chuckled. “Do you know how I feel every time I read about you and those girls? Do you know how I feel whenever you go out till late at night without leaving any messages? Do you know –“

“I don’t know. I don’t know any of it. I only know how it feels to miss you when you’re gone. I only know how frustrating it feels when I can’t hold you. I only know how painful it feels to know that I make you think I only use you for your body. I only know how scary it feels to wait for your answer after fully knowing that you might reject me.” On the last sentence, Jonghyun didn’t dare to look Jinki in the eyes. He stared down on his lap and let go of Jinki’s hand. “I thought you would get it. I thought I wouldn’t need to say it out loud. I was wrong. I’m sorry.”

Jonghyun didn’t expect for Jinki to take his hand and pulled him up on his feet. When he looked up, he didn’t meet with Jinki’s eyes.

“It’s getting late. Let’s go back. It’s better to cuddle up under the warm blanket than sitting together in this cold park.”

Jonghyun smiled. “Yeah.” He said as he intertwined their fingers together and walked close to Jinki. It was good, to walk home with light heart and the picture of cuddling with Jinki to sleep in his mind.

“Do you still want to know?” Jinki asked out of sudden. “My heart, it’s already shattered into pieces. One more dating scandal will crush those pieces into dust. And it might be blown away even by the softest wind.”

“I’ll be very careful then so there won’t be any scandal about me dating SHINee’s leader in future. And in the mean time, maybe I could put those pieces back together.”

Jinki chuckled and playfully punched Jonghyun’s arm upon hearing that.

“You’re the one who started those cheesy lines!” Jonghyun complained.

“But hyung, it wasn’t that bad. Can I use it when I write lyrics for our songs?”

I'm working on the 2min part - if any of you want to read it later

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