Chapter XI

“The emotion that can break your heart

is sometimes the very one that heals it...”

Nicholas Sparks

Droplets of water ran through Seunghyun’s body, washing away sweat and blood that mixed together. The two substances fell onto the white tiles of the bath floor, staining them with red rivers that flowed until they vanished down the strainer. His nose was not broken, but his lip was opened, his jaw bruised and he had the sensation of having at least one bone chipped. He tried to move his jaw and moaned in pain. Youngbae had solid fists; but he had too a nice heart and that made Seunghyun like the man despite the damages to his face. He had shared with him more information about Jiyong than what he had managed to gather in the three weeks he had been living there. And that was something Seunghyun appreciated.

But he was puzzled, too. He hadn’t read about a survivor in all those newspaper cuts Jiyong had gathered down at the library and that was strange; either way he tried to explain it. He checked the hour on his wristwatch. It was still hours before Jiyong arrived from work hence, he turned off the water and decided to use the remainder of the day fitting in the losing pieces of that case together.

He walked down the stairs until the man reached the library, and sat comfortably on the padded chair in front of the library’s desk. On the desk were some of the newspaper cuts; especially those ones that reported about the night Choi Seunghyun had been murdered. He read through them, but none of them spoke about a survivor. One of them, however, did talk about three victims, but gave no information about their identities, conditions or whereabouts.

Seunghyun kept reading until his mind was not enough to retain all the information. It hurt, and he wasn’t sure if it was for those hard punches he received back in the morning or for spending three hours trying to find clues on those newspaper articles, or both. His fingers ran over his temples and he closed his eyes, focusing on his breathing. Why there was not even one reference to the other bodyguard? Not even a name. He searched for a piece of paper and a pen inside the desk drawers to write the names of the reporters of those articles till his hand ran unto a little leather notebook. It was hidden at the back of one of them, as if placed there on purpose. He grabbed it and pulled it out to the light. It had a black leather cover and was not bigger than his palm. Seunghyun stared at it for a moment, playing with it with his hands as curiosity ran through his veins as well as something close to suspicion.

He opened it warily. A little message reading “KJ Entertainment Financial Reports” was written at the bottom of the first page. The calligraphy was too clean to be Jiyong’s one. The only message Jiyong had written for him the first day he came to the house was rather messy and rushed. Another sentence was written below it. “Hyuang Enterprise Financial Reports”.

“Hyuang?” Seunghyun asked out loud and flicked through he pages of the notebook, quite confused. The notebook had a detailed monthly report of profits, looses and investments made by both companies. The detailed information ran until the month before Choi Seunghyun had been killed. Seunghyun frowned even more and closed the notebook, running a finger over its cover, pondering about its contents. It felt as if he had just discovered something no one was supposed to know and even though it was nowhere stated, Seunghyun was almost sure the notebook belonged to Choi Seunghyun.

He placed the notebook back in the place he had found it and closed the drawer harshly. The way the notebook remained there, with dust over its cover and hidden only increased his suspicion that the little thing was a secret and a clue. For exactly what was something Seunghyun must need to shine light upon.

Jiyong came back at seven o’clock. His face and body were crunched in exhaustion but his movements were lighter and his eyes glanced around the house the moment he opened the door, as if searching for something.

“What happened to you?!” Jiyong asked rather worriedly when he spotted the supplanter walking out the kitchen, with a half smile and his face all bruised. Seunghyun’s eyes opened wide at the sudden worry in Jiyong’s voice.

“I fell when I went out to run,” Seunghyun invented an excuse. He had come with that excuse during his long, painful shower. Even though Youngbae and him hadn’t agreed to keep their meeting as a secret to Jiyong. He felt it had been implied between them.

Jiyong approached to him and unconsciously stretched an arm to touch Seunghyun’s face, but became conscious of what he was about to do and pulled his arm back and blushed.

“And you fell over on your face? Or had you a fight with the pavement?” Jiyong asked sarcastically, studying with his eyes at Seunghyun’s bruises and flinching in pain.

“Something like that,” Seunghyun agreed, smiling again and brushing past Jiyong to the living room. Jiyong followed him, still unconvinced, but before he could inquire something else, Seunghyun took something from the living room's table and turned back.

“I got it. Daesung gave it to me the other day,” he said, waving a disk box in the air with one of his hands. “Want to watch it?”

Jiyong eyes moved away from his face and looked at the box between Seunghyun’s fingers, and a shy smile grew over his lips when he recognized it was the Mylo Xyloto Live DVD.

“How did you know I haven’t seen it?” he asked and smiled wider, walking closer in interest.

Seunghyun shrugged his shoulders as his only answer, but the bewildered stare in Jiyong’s eyes forced him to vaguely explain himself.

“It wasn’t between your DVD’s, I supposed…” he said, and pointed at the counter where the box disks were arranged neatly.

Jiyong smiled again shyly and blushed again. Seunghyun found it fascinating. He had never seen Jiyong blush in front of him, and that was something he wanted to repeat more often. Jiyong averted his eyes to the floor when he felt the stare of the supplanter studying him.

“Did you disinfect your injuries?” he asked, and tried to find an explanation on why seeing the other man hurt disturbed him so much. Seunghyun nodded with his head and beckoned him to come closer and sit over the sofa. Jiyong did, his eyes focused on Seunghyun’s bruised jaw. His hands itched of wanting to touch those scratches and vanish them, and Jiyong cursed himself deep inside. What was wrong with him? 

Seunghyun went to the DVD player and placed the disk inside, then he the stereo and grabbed the remote control before sitting next to Jiyong on the same sofa. His shoulders brushed for a moment, Jiyong flinched and Seunghyun excused himself and moved away. Somehow the sudden distance felt wrong for Jiyong.

“Are you always this observant?” Jiyong asked after a moment in silence and gazed at the man beside him with true interest.

“Sometimes. I mean, my work required me to grow the ability to look carefully and be… insightful,” he explained and smiled again at Jiyong. “Why?”

“It’s annoying,” Jiyong answered but a smile grew over his lips. He was joking and Seunghyun’s heart rushed faster. Jiyong was being friendly and his smile was so sincere it reached his eyes, and it was beautiful.

“I’m sorry then. I’ll try to be more nonchalant from now on,” Seunghyun joked in answer. Jiyong shook his head as if saying he did not want that and pushed his body back over the sofa, lifting his legs and placing them over the table, making himself comfortable. It was the most relaxed state Seunghyun had ever seen in Jiyong.

The concert started. Hurts Like Heaven was the first song resounding from the speakers, Jiyong smiled. Soon In My Place followed and Jiyong gave a shy glance towards Seunghyun before saying something. Seunghyun averted his eyes from the TV and listened at him intently. At the end, Jiyong ended up talking during all the concert about the music, about the beats, about the melodies and lyrics and Seunghyun listened at him fascinated by how much Jiyong knew about music and tempos and all those things he could not even understand but seemed alluring when explained by Jiyong.

Seunghyun was happy, yes. But he felt a rush of sadness creeping inside his heart. Jiyong used to be a musician, a talented musician. And that was one of the things that had been hidden, destroyed or overshadowed by his grieve and pain, as same as his smile, his happiness, his tenderness. He looked at Jiyong and drew a sad smile over his lips. How beautiful was the man lying behind the pain and reluctance?

“I listened to them for the first time when I was in high school,” Jiyong recalled, his eyes shining at the lights coming from the screen in front of them. “Their lyrics were to real, too humanely real. I liked that of them,” he said with a hint of melancholy.

Seunghyun agreed and looked at the screen too. Charlie Brown was playing, and a game of lights and colors overflowed the screen and painted the empty walls of the room with a rainbow of colored beams and shadows.

“Jiyong… Have you wrote something recently?” Seunghyun dared to ask.

The smile over Jiyong’s lips vanished and his eyes changed from fascination to sadness. He stared at his hands before answering in a low voice, “Not since that happened.”

“Inspiration problems?” Seunghyun implied and searched with his eyes the eyes of Jiyong that remained avoiding him. Jiyong shook his head.

“A storm of confusing feelings,” he responded, and one of his hands clenched over his chest. “Too many of them.”

“Isn’t that good for… creativity?”

“No, not when they don’t allow you to think clearly. I need feelings, but I need them to be clear and tidy. To understand them,” he explained and bit his lower lip.

Seunghyun, not convinced it was the best idea, stretched his hand and placed it over Jiyong’s left one that was lying over the sofa and smiled, as comforting as he could. Jiyong lifted his eyes and glared at him.

“I wish you decide to write soon. I’m sure it will be something good for you,” Seunghyun suggested and brushed one of his fingers over Jiyong’s skin. Jiyong smiled faintly and nodded with his head.

“And you?” he asked suddenly. His hand still under Seunghyun’s touch. Seunghyun looked at him, confused and not knowing what he referred to, “Have you thought about working in something else?” he clarified. Now it was Seunghyun’s turn to avert his eyes and tried to pull his hand away, but Jiyong grabbed his hand and interlaced his fingers with his own, demanding answers with his eyes.

Seunghyun stared, appalled at Jiyong’s actions before stammering his answer, “I-I haven’t t-thought about it.”

“You are patient, kind and have a nice heart,” Jiyong pointed out whilst looking at him, “I’m sure there is a better job for you, something that can make you happy,” he said and his eyes merged with his own.

“I guess so,” Seunghyun nodded.

“I wish you find a good job for you Seunghyun. You deserve better,” Jiyong said and smiled. “You… you don’t’ deserve people like me using you,” he said finally and blushed for the third time that night.

Seunghyun’s cheeks pianted red shyly and his hand slowly drifted apart. They kept staring at the screen for a long time until one of the last songs, Fix You, started playing.

“I like this one,” murmured Seunghyun and closed his eyes. He felt the music flowing through his senses and, as he always did, opened his lips unconsciously and started singing, first in a low voice but gradually increased the volume. His eyes remained closed, indifferent at how, at his side, Jiyong looked at him, enthralled and istening intently to him and his voice.

Jiyong felt he knew the voice from somewhere within his dreams and smiled, captivated by the soothing sensation Seunghyun’s voice provoked inside him. He had a soft voice, velvety but with many colors and tints, colorful, almost like the shadows over the walls. It was a voice made to draw smiles, even over the saddest souls like his.

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I

I will try to fix you

Seunghyun closed his lips and took a deep breath. He loved singing. He enjoyed losing himself in the moment. But when he opened his eyes he remembered where he was. Jiyong eyes were focused on him and were staring at him fixedly, making him feel self-conscious and twist his hands nervously.

“I’m sorry. I just love that song,” he excused himself

“Or sing, you could be a singer. You have a beautiful voice,” Jiyong said, his eyes still fixed on him.

“Don’t joke,” Seunghyun snorted and half-smiled. He liked to sing, but was far from being good or talented at it.

“I’m not joking.”

They finished watching the concert in silence. Sometimes Jiyong wished Seunghyun would sing again. And looked at his right as if expecting him to close his eyes again and let his soothing voice surround them both but the supplanter stayed quiet for the rest of the concert. When the concert ended, they both stayed in silence, not willing to move as if they were scared to breal the moment or something, something in the atmosphere that felt just right for both of them.

“Can I ask you something?” Seunghyun broke the silence, turning slowly his head to where Jiyong was, next to him. The screen was now black and the walls have regained their emptiness. Still, the darkness only increased the intimacy between them.

Jiyong grinned and looked back at Seunghyun, amused. “You are always asking me questions. Stop asking for my permission and just ask me."

“Did he… Choi Seunghyun had control over your finances. I mean over KJ?”

Jiyong frowned at the question.

“KJ Enterprise?” he asked. “No, he did not. We kept our companies for ourselves. And he did not care much about my music or my enterprise. Actually, he did not care about music at all,” Jiyong recalled.

“But did he kept reports about your finances and profits, or something?” Seunghyun asked again, trying to be clear as possible about his point.

“No. My accounts were private,” Jiyong shook his head while answering. “Why?” he frowned and gave a curious gaze at Seunghyun, who only shrugged and tried to appear as casual as possible.

“Just curiosity. It puzzled me how you two could keep your companies out of your relationship,” said Seunghyun and smiled. “While you had a whole company to run, me at your age, I was trying to find a way to survive in the streets,” Seunghyun joked, but Jiyong did not smile and looked at him sadly and apologetically instead as if he actually cared about Seunghyun’s life.

“You give yourself no credit,” Jiyong said and lifted himself from the sofa, “I’m sure it was way harder for you than for me,” he declared and stretched his hand to help Seunghyun get up from the sofa.

“See you tomorrow, I guess," Jiyong said walking away after he pulled the other male up, rubbing the back of his neck. “It was a nice evening. Thank you,” he smiled and began stepping up the stairs.

“You don’t need me to…” Seunghyun began asking but Jiyong shook his head abruptly and something close to regret appear inside his pupils.

“No… I. You can sleep in your room tonight. I guess your jaw and face must hurt and… you probably are tired. I’m okay,” he said and continued his way towards his room and gave a little smile towards Seunghyun, “Good night I guess,”

“Good night, Jiyong,”

Deep in the night, Seunghyun opened his notebook. He was sitting over his own bed for the second time since he had came to the house. His body lied comfortably all over the mattress. And even though it was nice to have privacy and to not be sprayed by that strange fragrance, he did miss the warm of Jiyong’s body next to him. He took one of his favorite pencils between his fingers and sketched the first line over the blank sheet of paper.

“Jiyong”

He drew that night, hidden by the privacy of his own room and the darkness of the night that seemed less stormy than ever, the smile of Jiyong. He drew the contour of his face, then the curvature of his lips, the beaming lights inside his pupils. One of the most pure and beautiful smiles he had ever seen. One he wanted to keep over Jiyong’s face every single day, smiling for him. 

Thank you so much! My new subscribers taedreams, maryfemme, victoireVI, giralmiss, iaminspirit, myungyeol_bby16, lael05 and Mizkuri. =) Nice to have new readers. 

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Wait for me for next chapter. I hope you are enjoying the story so far... be careful with details, they are pretty important in this story. See you soon. 

JessRa

Soundtrack: Fix You - Coldplay