[CONTENTID3]Forgive Me Not[/CONTENTID3]

[CONTENTID2]No More[/CONTENTID2]

[CONTENTID1]

What were they doing now? I wondered, lifting the silver key from the elegant bowl near the door. Making love? No, not yet – not now. They were too preoccupied in the sunshine of the day that held no joy for me. The apartment I knew so well would be vacated, my second home ready to see something the likes of which it probably shouldn’t.

It seemed instantaneous, that walk down the two flights of stairs, across the street. Before I knew it the key was fitting smoothly into the worn lock, as though beckoning me. Knowing what I intended to do, and supporting me in my choice. It swung open with a creek, eerie, and I realized I was the creepy killer from all the movies. I wanted to laugh at the discovery, and I so I did, listening to it echo about the empty apartment.

It was filled with him, every memory, every smell, sight, sound was him. I could smell his cologne lingering in the air – not because it was strong, but because it was so irreplaceably him. Pictures of him and I were on a small table in the corner, was the boy kidding himself? Could he truly not believe that there was anything more beyond friendship?

I stood before the gas range now, finger hovering over the switch. One little press, one little change to end a life.

Click.

A Few Years Ago:

“Who’s the new girl?” I asked, smiling in the way I knew I had to, so used to playing this charade the character came easily. As though I didn’t want to turn him towards me, order him to be mine and mine alone. But I couldn’t do that.

“Eh, I don’t know, really. I mean, I know her name, Chaeri – but the thing is, I don’t really care anymore. They’re all so…so tame. I’m bored. I want someone exciting!”

Bet I could be exciting…

“Really? Like what?”

“I dunno…someone like you, Ren, only a girl.”

Gee, thanks, darling dearest.

“Well, I am pretty perfect, I agree. Good luck finding anything close to me,” I stuck out my tongue, covering my dismay. I couldn’t help it, I had been born this way. But for one little tiny change in my anatomy, Baekho and I could have been going steady right about now. Someone up in the heaven world had made a dreadful mistake. And I was paying the price daily. Baekho just laughed, but it petered out suddenly and he turned, making me face him as we stood in the middle of the big, thriving with students, high school hallway.

“Seriously, Baekho, not a good place to stop –“

“I’m moving.” It took me a moment to understand, blinking blankly for a bit, before -

“WHAT?!” I screamed so loudly half the rushing about students turned, convinced there had been a murder of some kind. Nope. Just me, me and my little old set of lungs, expressing shock.

“I’m moving. I’m going to college in Japan –“
“WHY?!” I shrieked just as loudly as the first time,

“Ren don’t go all spazzy on me, this is important! I’m sorry, but I got into a very good college –“

“HOW?!” everyone was beginning to ignore me at this point, returning to their previous tasks, realizing it was just ‘that Minki kid,’ having another drama queen moment.  

“I don’t know either! I lucked out, alright? But I’m not going to pass up this opportunity! I’m sorry – I’ll visit - OW! DAMNIT REN!” My delicate, manicured hand had collided with his face with a resounding slap that had Baekho clutching his cheek in pain, “COME BACK HERE!” Baekho roared, but I was already gone. Disappeared into the crowd, holding back sobs until he was out of the building.

It was one thing to resign yourself to the fact that someone was never going to love you, it was altogether another to have them leave