[CONTENTID3]Forgive Me Not[/CONTENTID3]

[CONTENTID2]Live And Regret[/CONTENTID2]

[CONTENTID1]

I watched from the window, Baekho down by the park. Young love, it should have been sweet. It wasn’t. His arms around another’s – hadn’t I seen this all before? Only with one key difference. Baekho had never been holding another man before. A first. A first that shouldn’t have been with whoever that was, a first, if ever to occur should have been…with me.

The boy I didn’t know, didn’t want to know, with the bleached and dyed red hair, clinging to Baekho, hands sliding up each other’s backs in an embrace. I drank the next sip of my hot raspberry tea with trembling hands, burning my tongue and coughing. Eyes smarting, soon turning to real tears, I watched. They kissed. Soft, gentle, as ever Baekho was with new flames. So sickly sappy and sweet I felt the bile rising in my throat.

Settling by the slow, trickling stream, dangling the feet in the river as lovers were prone to do. A cliché. I wondered how he could feel, how he couldn’t feel the pain I did. A task we had so often done with one another, splashing, playing, children at heart – no longer. The delicate china cup grasped in trembling pale fingers crashed to the floor. Red water so like blood, splattered across the white rug – teacup so much shattered glass. I knelt, fingers softly trying to sweep the shards into a pile, seeing through blurred eyes. Startled from the sharp, sudden, physical pain to accompany the mental anguish, I lifted my finger. A single pinprick, a single drop of oozing crimson, dripped down to join the messy pile.

I was done with all of this.

~~Several Years Ago~~

“Ren! Ren baby where are you?!”

My eyes widened comically, bringing my finger to my lips, “Shh! Don’t tell!” I whispered to the boy across from me, crouched beneath the green foliage.

“Why not?” he asked gruffly, crossing his arms in a huff, “You’re the one crashing my secret hide out!”

“It’s not yours it’s mine!” I whined, pouting,

“Is not!”

“Is too!”

“REN!” The branches were pulled aside roughly, exposing us to the bright sun and I squinted against the sudden influx of light, “There you are! You need to come when I call!” my arm was roughly seized and I was dragged from the shelter.
“Baekho! What are you doing in there?” a new lady had joined the assault on our hideout, calling to the boy still hidden inside my once ‘secret’ place.

“I was just playing by myself! Then that little girl burst in! Brat,” Baekho stuck out his tongue to which I only returned the gesture until my mom slapped my cheek in punishment.

“That’s Ren, sweetie, and he’s a boy,” his mother gently informed, looking nervously too my mother who only frowned unhappily. I didn’t care, I had been mistaken for a girl far too many times to get worked up over it – honestly it just gave me an excuse to wear my mom’s sparkly hair pins. So pretty.

“Reeeeeallly?” Baekho sounded shocked and I puffed my cheeks out in boredom. We were both dragged away to our respective homes situated across from each other, but I would never forget our meeting. There would be more, and eventually, after some time…we would be friends. But I would always want more. I could never be satisfied.

One night when I was sixteen he indulged in my fantasies, something he would be regretting very soon. He gave me hope, and then tore it away. Gave me every intimate desire I had ever cherished deep inside myself, and then expected everything to be back to normal the next morning. He thought my demon satiated, but the he had only fueled the fire for the monste