I've always liked her. Since the year before. Always admiring her from afar. Her cuteness and her eyesmile. I always found it ironic when she said my eyes were really beautiful, because of my long eyelashes. She always tried to touch my eyelashes, and everytime i will deny her the opportunity as i'm afraid I would just lose control of my feelings and actually confess to her that i like her. She doesn't like her own eyes, she thinks its too small. Whenever she takes pictures she opens her eyes really wide, making herself look awkward. But in fact she has the cutest eyesmile i've ever seen. I loved her eyes. I was always mesmerized by it. I loved staring into it when I asked her a question and she stares at me surprised that i'm so ignorant in class. I loath that she always went to the back of the class to ask a 'boy' her questions. I admit I was jealous. I wanted her to stay beside me. To be there for me. Everytime I was going to ask her a question, I had to brace myself. She always had a habit of putting her hands over mind when she points out my mistake or something I did not take notice of earlier. By then my intention to finish the question would float away like a cloud.

'She has her hand over mine!!!!' my conscience would scream at me.

There was a particular time when I finally realised I had fallen in love with her. She has a habit of when she laughs she'll lean on the person next to her. I cherished these moments when she would laugh and lean her head against my shoulder. Its as if a warm fuzzy feeling fills up my chest. Finally, I get to feel it, this feeling. But stupid me decided to say " your crazy". How stupid can i be. I like her and at the same time I call her stupid. I feel like crying everytime i think of it.

Every lesson I would stare at her back. Icthing to give her a backhug. Her back looks so warm and inviting. I did not give in to temptation. This is what is so stupid about me. I want her so bad yet i throw her further and further away.

Which brings me to what happened today. My school was celebrating for some event, and i ran onstage with my friends, secretly hoping that "she" was there without her friends, and she would see me having no one beside me and stand beside me to sway along with the music. Well I being so blind and weak squeezed myself in between my friends afraid to be left out. After securing a spot finally notice that "she" was behind me and was going to take the spot that i was in. I'm soooooo stupid. Then "she" runs to the other side of the crowd. This was like a pierced through my heart. i'm so stupid. I should have known. Me being the weakling that i was left the situtation the way it is, like i do to every opportunity i have with her. By the way I think she hates me.    :"(