*

“I’m doomed.”

Kai reached his bedroom, recalling again his meeting with Luhan at the back door of their dorm building. Ignoring Dio who was throwing him a strange look, he slumped on his bed and taking a loud sigh.

He was in love with Luhan.

“Damn.” He cursed under his breath every time his mind replayed the sight of Luhan’s angelic smile, Luhan’s heavenly laugh and Luhan’s sparkly gaze. It was unfair, how could Luhan born with softness and feminine vibes, and made Kai confusedly in love. At first, he tried to see the older as girl, as the object of affection. But no, nothing girly from Luhan’s firm muscle and the sharp moves Luhan put into the dance Kai thought they might be equal as men. He was aroused from seeing Luhan’s back at their last practice as together. Sweat dampened the older shirt and made it glued to his skin, giving Kai the shadow of alluring trail of defined body he wanted to run his finger on to. The deep torso moved in the short breath he took in the fatigue with the pink lips gaped in surrender, Kai wished he had courage to get up from his side and fill Luhan with his needy tongue.

Kai laid on his side, sighing again as he blinked, tried to avert his mind from thinking about Luhan cause since he became aware with his feeling, every day his imagination only turned worse, in dirty way. that’s why he stared at Dio, still blankly cause Luhan and the smile really captivated his attention he didn’t know what to react and he was blaming himself as stupid for running away.

He can’t help it. The other option he had was ‘ravishing’ the beauty and he didn’t want to just molest Luhan without confirming the truth about Luhan’s relationship with Sehun.

Kai winced.

Right, there’s Sehun problem too.

Why Sehun had to mark Luhan as his? Did Sehun gay? Did Sehun parents know? And if Sehun was gay, why Kai didn’t feel disturbed by it?

“Do you think Sehun is gay?”

Kai accidentally spilling his thought at Dio which made the older blinked in surprise. For a while, Kai only watched Dio frowned, probably thinking the right answer, but after a few minutes they spent in silent, Kai immediately felt bored and stuffed his face into his pillow, “hhhh…” he can’t help but thinking about Luhan again the time he closed his eyes, “Why I had to fall in love to such a guy …” he didn’t saw Dio face paled at hearing his confession. With Luhan started pulling him from the reality and into a better world, his eyes became heavy and soon he drifted into sleep.

“This crazy kid…” Dio said in shock, “Did he just say he love Sehun?”

*

“Dio, about last night, please forget I've ever say it …”

Luhan couldn’t be more nervous the time he heard familiar voice entered the common room. He sat up straight next to Minseok, tried to control his thumping heart from doing something stupid like greeting Kai. He was already turned down, twice, so he shouldn’t get so worked up with such useless excitement.

“No, I don’t think I can forget something like that...” Gloomy Kai and Calm Dio appeared together, and suddenly Luhan wanted to pull his own eyes out as long as he won’t see how Kai clung to Dio, snickering together while talking about something Luhan wanted to know but didn’t have courage to ask. Even smiling was a hard task, when Dio spotted him and waved him a good morning. Of course, he smiled, but as soon as his eyes found Kai the boy turned grumpy and only silently nodded at him in acknowledgement.

Luhan wanted to cry.

If he was five years younger, probably he will. However, he grasped the imaginary wound, took a gasp of breath before he smiled, titling his head and blinking his hazy eyes as he gave Kai his best smile, so probably Kai will realize there’s no hate, no hurt he want to share to Kai cause he simply wanted to be close to the brunette.

“Good morning, Jonginnie.”

His bold action made Kai surprised, Luhan could see it from the boy’s eyes and slowly, Luhan felt better. He must be blind from jealousy, to not see the blush darkening Kai’s cheeks and the small coughing/gulping sound were the reaction he got from wishing Kai a simple yet good morning.

“Uhm, morning.”

Without more words, Kim Jongin pushed Dio away and rushed his way to the dining hall. Luhan could see Dio muttered in displease over such violence, but strangely Luhan didn’t feel rejected. Why, his face bloomed with heat, Kai was so cold to him but his heart marched in anticipation, like his world shattered into colorful pieces of glass, he thought with his lips biting themselves in hold, and why he think about love as the only answer?

Luhan closed his eyes, almost like he was sleeping as he recalled Kai’s shocked face and the fast retreat from him, and because of that he smiled, smiling so happy he didn’t even aware someone approached him and staring at his face.

“Hyung, are you thinking dirty, right now?”

Luhan opened his eyes, face contorted in disappointment for the person who dare interrupted his sweet dream about Kai, and he faced Sehun who looked at him curiously.

Luhan wanted to strangle Sehun but he took a deep breath to calm himself and then chuckled lightly, “I was thinking about something sweet, Sehunah.” He said while pinching both Sehun’s chubby cheek, probably he could kill the brat this way.

“Hmm, something sweet…” Sehun furrowed his eyebrows every time the boy had a thought, “I want chocolate bubble tea.” He pouted, making Luhan winced at seeing his soulless aegyo. Luhan never understand how aegyo could be the ‘cute’ meter especially when it became a must talent for idol. But it’s not his place to complain about other’s culture so he decided to play along, pampering Sehun with sweet promises that later on they will go out to buy some.

*

Kai stuffed his face into his pillow. Lying next to him, there’s the infamous Lee Taemin who kindly came to visit SM Dormitory in between his hectic schedules just to hear how problematic Kai’s world turned be because the name of Luhan appeared next to Love in his life’s dictionary.

“You know, you’re very strange.” Taemin blinked, for a while he only stared at the white ceiling before he turned at the EXO’s Dancer, “I told Onew hyung you’ve had ‘debut’ fever and you called me like you’re ready to die so he would let me go home a day before everyone and missing my date with Key, just to hear you’re in love and you don’t know what to do about it?”

“Shut up.” Kai grumbled lowly, while shifting so he was lying on his side, facing Taemin, “It’s no joke, Taemin. I love a man.”

“I love some men too and no one cares as long as they get their juicy moments.”

“It’s different.” Kai sighed, “It’s not just bromance, not just , nor just love. I wanted him. His presence was like a disease I couldn’t find any cure elsewhere and every time he was near I think I’m dying.”

Taemin gave the brunette a look of, ‘you’re not dying, dude.’ But, as the older ones, he took a deep sigh and think, preparing Kai with the best words of console which nice to hear and less insulting, like, he wouldn’t congratulate Kai who finally tasted ‘unrequited-love’ to a wrong gender, in such a wrong time. Just by imagining how pitiful Kai will look, made a gleam smile tried to appear on his face but immediately he covered it by clearing his throat.

“You know, Jongin, I can give you advice, but I don’t want to. However, I’ll help you find out if this spark was only from you or if Luhan loved you back.” and now Taemin really smiled, even giggled when Kai was blushing, “don’t be happy too fast. No matter what I’ve found, you must promise me to move on and focus on your career, okay?”

Usually Kai hated doing childish thing but today was an exception as Taemin gave him a pinky, he entwined theirs with a displease growl escaping his lips.

“I promise.”

“Good.” Taemin got up from Kai’s bed, “see you guys at the photo-shoot.”

*

“So, what do you see?”

Kai stared at gleam smile in Taemin face when the older checked the self-cam and truthfully his stomach felt like bursting in this torturous silence. He should wait until Taemin was done watching but he can’t help being restless with the result so he snatched the camera from the SHINee maknae. Ignoring the protest from Taemin he replayed the recorded video, only to get more nauseous at how easy he sat next to Luhan and pressed his body to the older. His face reddened and his jaw hardened, now it reminded him how warm Luhan was and how soft the skin of Luhan’s cheek, when they struggled to be as close as possible. Even though Taemin big face is a turn off, but Kai focused to the side and his heart thumped hard and harder at how close their face were.

“I shouldn’t love him.” Kai whispered in grimace, “I can’t compose myself well when I’m this close to him. Everyone who saw this video could see my motives on him as clear as glass, I mean, it’s like I was trying to make him as the part of myself.”

Taemin took the camera from Kai and then tapped the brunette shoulder gently, “relax, it’s not only you.” the older said, while repeating the video again and made Kai saw the beginning where Luhan stared at him as he introduced himself to the camera, “I don’t want to make you happy by saying he probably felt the same for you, but trust me, it’s somewhere near that.”

Taemin let out a small chuckle at Kai who suddenly blushed in dark red. It made the brown haired maknae patted him on the back, comforting him with sweet words and encourage him that there’s hope, even if the future could be so beautiful, Kai will grasp both his career and Luhan’s love. It made him embarrassed and so happy at the same time and the only thing he could do was hitting and cursing at Taemin in irritation.

.

“Jongin, can we talk?”

No, we can’t. Kai strongly said it from his gaze, the time they arrived at their dorm. Out of the van, Luhan grabbed the back of his jacket and stopped him from walking. He took a glance of Sehun, who was too exhausted to care he was entering the dorm building alone, before Kai turned at Luhan again just to get attacked by those pleading gaze from the cutest eyes he ever saw and the sad frown on the angelic face of the older boy, so he gave up acting cold and sighed, “about what, hyung?” he murmured lowly.

“Umm, how to start…” Luhan said in a hesitate hum, “I thought you’re gonna refuse me so I’m kinda lost the words right now,” sure Luhan said it in normal tone, but somehow it stabbed Kai’s heart with guilt. He’s sorry about before, okay? He just can’t be nice to Luhan or he’ll be ended eating Luhan up. How many times he had to remind himself of how dangerous this love he had for the beauty.

“I'm sorry, Kai.” Luhan gave him an apologetic smile.

Kai palmed his hands inside his pockets, suddenly he wanted to reach Luhan’s hand and entwined their fingers, so he could return the apology to the boy. He also wanted to move closer and kept locking their gaze to each other until the night turned into dawn. It was indeed a torture to realize how ugly this love he had for Luhan and it didn’t lessen his fear over losing control, after he knew there’s a hope for them to be better than awkwardness.

There’s something in between them.

“Then,” after he made sure his hands behaved from trying to make contact, Kai was surprised his body leaned down and his head titled to Luhan side, let his breath ghosting over the pink cheek as he whispered huskily, “when you remember what you want to tell me, we can talk again later.” And to make it worse to his sanity, he pressed his lips on Luhan’s soft skin, kissing Luhan chastely like they used to do it all the time.

“Kai…”

He stepped back from Luhan with a smirk decorated his handsome face and then he waved a good bye when he realized . Luhan's face wasn't reddened from anger and the older was trembling not from disgust over his touch.

“Good night, Luhan hyung. Sleep tight.”  

Oh, Kai will have sweet dream tonight.

*

Stupid Kim Jongin!

Luhan stuffed his face to his pillow, the time he reached his shared bedroom with Lay. For a while he just stayed still, as his mind kept replaying the drama-like scene happened a moment before. Every time the memory back, his heart clenched uncomfortably and will beat so fast it’s hurt. It felt like his sore body get tormented by the rush of excitement and if he didn’t aware Lay was already sleep, he would scream and jumped around and then killed himself from this unbearable happiness.

Kai kissed him.

On the cheek, okay, but he was sure it was too sensual to be a friendly kiss. Hence, they’re not even that friendly for Luhan to get such privilege.

“Oh, please don’t play with my heart…” He cleared his throat, tried to stop himself from thinking Kai loved him and Kai wanted him and Kai didn’t want to be friend to him because this love wasn’t just platonic. He needed to control his dream, didn’t have to set a high hope to date Kai cause they were both men and they were idols and they’re Asians. What will their parents say if they were engaging in physical relationship…

“Crap…” Luhan blushed even more, cause he kept babbling about nonsense now and it’s all just from a kiss.

“I think I can’t stop loving you more…” He said under his breath as he returned stuffing his face to the pillow, with both his hands palmed his bed sheet,

‘So please tell me your kiss mean something,’ he grasped the fabric even tighter, ‘please tell me there’s something in between us…’

*

How was it ^^