Riing. Riing~

Unknown caller.  I picked up my phone. “Hello?”

“Yes, may I speak to Kim Hanyoung-shi please?”

“Speaking.”

“Hi, yes, my name is Doctor Jang.  I’m calling from the hospital.  I was wondering you can meet me sometime today, regarding your condition.”

“I already told the other doctor that I wasn’t thinking of getting surgery anytime soon.

“Yes, I’m aware of that.  Yet, if you don’t mind, I would still like to meet you.”

I didn’t say anything at first but then after a few moments of hesitation, I readily agreed and then set up an appointment to meet this doctor at the cafeteria in the hospital. 

 

(Jang Wooyoung’s POV)

I noticed a slender woman in jeans, sneakers and a grey sweat shirt looking around.  I looked down at the picture on the file in front of me and then stood up and waved towards her direction.

She looked very much confused yet she walked towards me and bowed with a greeting.  I bowed back and extended my hand towards her.

“Hi, my name is Dr. Jang Wooyoung.”  She shook it and smiled a bit with a slight nod.  I motioned for her to sit down and she did.  She looked at me curiously and declined anything to drink when I offered.

“I called you here today because I wanted to talk about what you’re doing for yourself in order to lessen the pain.”  I looked at her.  She avoided my eyes as she looked down at her hands.

After she took a breath, she looked up and smiled, “I’m just going to let nature take its course.”

I sighed.  “Is this because there’s an issue financially?”

She bit her bottom lip.  I noticed she was a bit nervous.  “No.”

“Then at least come to the hospital for check-ups and pain killers.” I didn’t take my eyes off of her.

She sighed again.  “Look, I know if I come to the hospital, it’ll be a waste of time.”  She paused and then continued.  “Since… I’ll die anyways.”  She looked down at her hands again.

“It’s still not too late to get surgery.  The money can be paid by loans and any healthcare insurance.” I really wanted to help this patient.  I couldn’t just stand around while someone’s dying and not do anything to help.

She looked up at me with watery eyes.  “I know you think it’s easy.  But it’s not.  You’re the doctor.  And I’m the patient.  You think everyone in this world can get things for free?  You think I can just go on with this surgery and when I wake up I’ll be as healthy as I want?” A tear dropped on her face.  “You think that I can force this news on my dad, who works hard all day and night, without a break?  You-” She paused. Then she stood up.  “I’m sorry.  I know this is rude, but I’ll leave first.”  She bowed.  “Thank you for your concern.”

And with that she turned away and walked out.  I grabbed her folder and jogged out after her.

“Kim Hanyoung-shi.” I grabbed her shoulder.  She didn’t turn around and had her head down.

I walked around to face her. “I know this must be hard on you.  And I’m sorry.  But even so, I would appreciate it if you still came for check-ups.  Even if I can’t cure you, I can help you in many other ways.  So here.”  I handed her an appointment card I made for her.  “I hope you decide at the end to come to this appointment.”

She didn’t say anything as she looked at the appointment card. 

“I hope to see you soon.” I tapped her shoulder lightly and then headed back into the hospital.

 

---

 

-one and a half weeks later-

(Hanyoung’s POV)

I twirled my fingers around.  What was I doing here?  Why did I come?  Am I making the wrong choice?

I saw the door open as Dr. Jang walked in.  He had a warm smile on his face. “Good morning, I’m glad you came.”

I nodded in response. 

He kept looking at the file in front of him and then starting typing the information I gave them earlier about myself into the computer. “So today we’ll just do some usual tests and I’ll examine your liver to see how you’re doing compared to the last time you checked up at any hospital.”  He flipped a few papers, read something and then looked up at me.  “Which is about a month ago, right?”

I nodded again. 

He sighed and then gave me a reassuring smile, “Don’t be nervous, today there won’t be much.”

Today… So there’s going to be a next time…maybe a lot of next times…

 

---

 

(Jang Wooyoung’s POV)

 

It’s been months since Hanyoung has been coming to her planned appointments.  Her healthcare pays a lot so for now, money isn’t an issue.  But a surgery would have to happen soon.  The sooner the better.

I was heading to her house to meet her since she didn’t pick up her phone.  

I had news.

I parked my car and got out.  My car couldn’t make it to her house to I had to walk.  When I got close to her house, I noticed Hanyoung in front of the gate.  She put her phone against her cheek and then seconds later, my phone ranged.

Ah, this is better.  I couldn’t tell her face up.

“Dr. Jang?” Her voice seemed bright today.

“Yea.”

“What’s wrong?  Your voice sounds discouraged.”

“I uh- I… got some news for you.”

A pause.  Hanyoung stayed quiet for a bit.  “What… is it?”  She finally squeezed out.

I bit the bottom of my lip as I let out a difficult sigh.

A patient-health care provider relationship is very simple.  You are taught in school that your relationship begins when you clock into work and ends when you clock out.  There’s a silver lining that should not be crossed.  No personal feelings are supposed to be given to any patient except providing them with the care and attention necessary to improve or lessen pain from their condition. 

“The question you asked me last time,” I began, “I have an approximate answer now.”

“…”  She didn’t answer.  I looked at the back of her figure.  Her free hand moved in front of her heart as she turned and leaned against the brick wall, moving away from the gate to her house.

“It’s not for sure. Just an estimate.”  I tried to sound as positive as I could.  I watched her listening with worriness written all over her face.  “After talking to other doctors for a second opinion… you have… about a year.”

I saw her frown as her eye brows scrunched together.  A tear fell down her face.  She covered and lowered herself towards the floor, still leaning on the brick wall.

Over the phone, I didn’t hear her sobbing.  And for a little while, I stood there.  I watched in pain.  Just saw a strong woman who smiled everyday like there’s was nothing wrong.  Tried her best not to cry in front of people she loved.  Tried her best to hide her pains from people she loved.  This was her selfish ways of protecting those around her.  She didn’t know what else to do. 

I took a few steps forward until I was only a few feet away from her.  I ended the call and put it in my pocket.

That silver lining that I promised myself while in school? 

I kneeled down in front of her.

I must have missed it when I met her. 

I slowly reached my hand towards her shoulder.

How could I miss it?  I wanted to hit myself.  But it was too late.  She’s right in front of me and I can’t ignore her.  I’ll find a way for the surgery to take place. 

My hand touched her shoulder softly and right as it did, she looked up quickly.  And then she quickly leaned forward onto my shoulder as her sobbing increased.

I have to help her.  I will help her.  Even if her heart’s not or will never be with me.  I can’t let her go. 

“Mianhae.” I said softly as my hand rested on her head.  “Mianhae…”  I repeated as she continued sobbing.

That silver lining doesn’t exist when I’m near her.