Listen to: Too Late by Young Boyz

Note: Pink lyrics portray Dara's feelings.

Jiyong's POV

"Babe, I don't know what time I'll be home for dinner tonight, I'll try to get back for--"

"Whatever, it doesn't matter. It's not like you're home much anyway," Dara cut me off coldly, turning her back to me.

I heaved out a heavy sigh as I stared at her back. Ever since the hospital incident I had made a promise to myself that I would try everything, everything in my power to be there for her. I told myself to put my feelings to the side, to try my best to be there for her like she wanted me to. I made more effort to pay attention to her, to be at home with her more. That was two months ago, but here I was standing with my wife and nothing had changed. Despite my efforts, the gap between us was getting further and further apart.

I was trying so hard, and yet it felt like it was all for nothing. My efforts.. was she even acknowledging them? Something had changed in her, something had snapped. She became more withdrawn, indifferent. She had become a mess. My wife, the beautiful, warm woman that I had fallen in love with was gone. Whenever I would meet her eyes, all I saw was a hollow shell, there was no traces of the woman I loved. It was only a matter of time before she would break, but I never knew it would be this bad. I never knew that this is what would become of her.

Her obsession.. it had gotten worse. One moment she would be cold and withdrawn, the next moment a bright smile would be on her face as babbled on about babies, but I could see through that smile. It was superficial. All I had to do was to look into her eyes to see her dead ones staring back into mine. Sometimes, I would come home from to work to find her curled up on the sofa, crying her eyes out, other times I would go to greet her, only for her to stare at me with those dead eyes and walk past me as if she didn't see me.

I wanted to know what was on her mind, why she was acting the way she was. I thought.. I thought after the hospital incident there was a chance that if we put our efforts together we could go back to the way we were before we were married. Even during the early days of being newlyweds, but I felt like I was fighting a losing battle. It takes two to be in a working relationship, so why did I feel like I was alone?

As I continued to stare at her back, I felt my will slowly breaking away. There was only so much I could tolerate, only so many hits to my heart that I could take before I would break too.

"I.. will see you later."

With those simple words I my heels and left for work with a heavy heart.

== One month later ==

"Thank you for coming with me tonight to the dinner party sir, I really appreciated it," Sohee thanked, giving me a small bow as I dropped her off at her apartment.

"Aish, how many times have I told you to call me Jiyong?" I smiled at her, "I had fun."

She gave me a bright smile, giving me a small wave before turning to enter her apartment. I walked down towards my car, pulling out my phone to check the time. I made a move to put my phone back into my pocket when I caught myself lingering on my display picture. With a soft sigh I leaned on the side of my car as I stared at the photo.

As the days passed I found myself breaking the promise I had made. I just couldn't take it. The way that she acted... the way that she would look at me... I hated it. I hated it all. I so badly wanted to be there for her, but it felt like she was pushing me away. One day I could no longer control myself and I demanded to know what was on her mind. I remember grabbing onto her shoulders and shaking her, as I stared into her eyes, demanding her to tell me why she was acting the way she was.

Her answer? Nothing. She merely brushed my hands away from her as if I were nothing and walked away. I just didn't understand. Couldn't she see how hard I was trying? Why couldn't she try too? Was she really that selfish? Couldn't she see that she wasn't the only one hurting? That each time she would look at me with those dead eyes that she was hurting me too? Didn't it hurt her to see me hurt? Or was that just me?

I once again began to spend more time at work, or anywhere for that matter. I just couldn't stand being in the house with her anymore. It no longer felt like home. Home was supposed to be warm and full of love.. but that house.. that house was cold and dark, just like how she had become.

I began to spend even more time with Sohee, and at times I found myself feeling guilty, telling myself how wrong this was. Spending more time with a woman other than my wife, but each time those thoughts would enter my mind I would shake them away. I wasn't being unfaithful. Not once did I make a move on her. Why? Because I knew that no matter what, Dara was still my wife, and I would never do something so disrespectful to her. All it was, was two friends having fun together. Was that so wrong? Was it wrong of me to want to be happy whilst my wife was home possibly crying?

Yes, it was, but was it not also wrong what she was doing to me?

Shaking my head I put the phone into my pocket and got into the drivers seat. I bit my lip as I stared at the glove compartment in my car. Slowly, I reached over and popped it open pulling out the A4 brown envelope that had been sitting in there for two weeks.

I sat there, holding it in my hands, how could something so light feel so heavy? I continuosly flipped the envelope in my hands, my mind and heart battling with one another. Was this really it? Was I really giving up?

I turned my head to look at Sohee's apartment, flashes of the good times we had together over the past months. It felt like the times I had with her were the only times I had truly been happy in so long. I sighed and stared at the envelope again. I couldn't lie to myself. Throughout the times I had spent with her, not once did I feel my heart skip a beat. Not once did I feel it do that little somersault that it always seemed to do when I would see my wife genuine smile, but maybe.. was there a possibility? In the future?

I squeezed my eyes tightly shut and leaned my head on the headrest. Never had I ever thought things would come to this. Never had I ever thought that I would contemplate this. It never used to be an option but now.. now I felt this was the only way out. It felt like this was all that was left to do. That was what my mind was telling me, but my heart.. that was a different matter entirely, but how much longer could I go on listening to my heart? Where has listening to it got me? Nowhere, but hurt.

I gently placed the envelope on the passenger seat and turned the ignition on, my mind made up. Maybe.. this was for the best. For the both of us.

========

The closer I got, the heavier my heart felt and the more aware I became of the brown envelope sitting on the passenger seat; it's presence taunting me.

Before long, I had arrived back at the house; my brows furrowed slightly when I took note of the downstairs light on. At this time, Dara would usually be asleep; even if she were awake she would leave the house shrouded in darkness. That's how she liked it nowadays.

Shaking away the thought I took in a deep breath and picked up the envelope and exited the car before striding towards the house with unwavering steps.

"Dara?" I called out, wondering if she really was awake.

"In here."

I rounded the corner into the kitchen to see her sitting there with a fully cooked meal, as if she were waiting me. The scene brought back memories of our anniversary where everything really began to spiral downhill.

"What's.. all this?" I asked in confusion. As far as I was aware there was no special occasion today, and even if there was she was too lost in her own bitter world to have taken any notice. So why?

My eyes scanned over her petite body, taking note that she had actually put effort in her appearance today, a complete change from the past months. Her soft chocolate brown hair framed her face, sitting perfectly on her shoulders as opposed to tied up in the messy, greasy bun that she had taken to doing recently. She was wearing a soft pink dress as opposed to the grey sweats she was wearing this morning when I had briefly laid eyes on her.

"I.. I have something to tell you," she said softly. That voice... it had been too long since I had heard the soft gentle tone in her voice.

"Please sit," she gestured to the chair across hers.

I searched her brown orbs, confusion evident on my face. What was she playing at? What was with the sudden change in demeanour? No. Jiyong, you can't allow yourself to be tricked. This.. this is just a fleeting moment. She'll give you tonight, and then tomorrow, she'll go back to the way she was. You can't give in. You can't. You have to do this.

"Jiyong?" her questioning voice broke through my reverie.

I swallowed and shook my head "I.. I have something to tell you too."

She tilted her head to the side, her brows furrowed as she looked at me, as if by doing so she could figure out what was on my mind.

I watched as she her eyes trailed down to look at my hands, having caught the slight movement at the corner of her eyes when I had tightened my grip on the envelope.

She looked up to meet my eyes and gave me a small uneasy smile, "Ah.. you do? How about you sit first?"

"I.. no. I'm fine standing," I told her.

She nodded in understanding, "Okay, I.. there's something I really need to tell you."

She looked down and took a deep breath before looking up to meet my gaze again, "I--"

"Wait. I..think.. I think I should go first," she blinked in surprise when I held my hand up and cut her off. A part of me really wanted to know what it was that she wanted to tell me. What was so important that she had taken the time and effort to look presentable? But another part of me, the stubborn part of me wanted to get this over with. I didn't want to hear what she had to day. Why? Because I knew that whatever she said would make me lose my resolve and I would once again find myself stuck. I had to do this. I needed to do this. For my own good. For her own good.

"O-oh? I just.. Okay.." she finally conceded a tight smile on her lips.

"I.." I stopped, struggling to find the right words as she looked at me patiently. How was I supposed to go about this? This notion had never once crossed my mind before. Not once in my life had I ever thought I would be in this position, and yet here I was.

"Dara.. I.. I'm tired," I finally said, my voice heavy with exhaustion, only serving the purpose to illustrate my point even further.

"Oh.. You.. Do you want to talk tomorrow instead?" she tilted her head in confusion.

"No," I shook my head, "I'm not tired physically. I'm tired mentally.. and emotionally."

"What.. do you mean?" her eyes followed my every movement as I carefully placed the brown envelope on the table beside her, "What is this?"

She looked back and forth between the envelope and I, waiting for me to say something, but when she was met by my silence she carefully picked up the envelope and neatly ripped it open, pulling out the single sheet of paper. She froze, her eyes zoning in on the words.

"Jiyong.. what.. what is the meaning of this?" she said, her voice shaky as her eyes darted back and forth between me and the paper.

"I.. I want a divorce Dara," I finally whispered the dreaded words, my quiet voice resonating loudly throughout the silence of the kitchen.

She let out a forced giggle, "You're.. you're joking.. right? Jiyong? You're joking?"

I swallowed the lump in my throat and shook my head, "No, Dara. I'm not."

She quickly stood up, leaving the divorce papers on the table, "Wh-what? Why? I.. no.. Jiyong. You.. you have to be joking. This isn't funny!"

"I'm not joking Dara. I'm serious," I said, looking away from her panicked eyes as I ran my hand through my hair, "I.. I just can't do this anymore."

"No.. Jiyong. No.. you.. you can't do this. I.. no!" she shook her head in denial, taking a step towards me, "Please.. Ji.. don't.. please don't do this to me. I'm sorry."

He's walking away ready to leave,
Ready to leave,
and i beg him to stay but he's so done with me,
so done with me
I thought that time was on my side and I
would have just enough to fix this,
but he's walking out the door,
and he ain't coming back no more

"I'm sorry Dara. I never wanted things to turn out like this, but I can't handle it anymore. I can't..."

"No Jiyong! You can't just give up on me! I.. I can change! I'm sorry okay? Just.. just tell me what you want me to do. I'll do it!" she begged, as she tried to grab my hand.

"Dara.."

"Don't.. please don't Jiyong. I can't.. I need you okay? I need you. You can't do this to me. You promised me! You promised me at the altar! You promised you would always be there for me, that you would always love me! You can't just break your promise!" she said, her voice bordering on hysterical.

"I know Dara, I know," I said softly, finally turning to face her, trying to ignore the painfully beating of my heart upon seeing a lone tear roll down her porcelain face, "I made a promise, and you don't understand how much it hurts to break this promise, but.. it doesn't hurt as much as seeing you like this. I can't take it anymore. Day in day out, seeing you gradually lose yourself. I can't stand here and watch the woman I love turn into a mere vegetable!"

"I'm sorry okay? I know! I know I've been selfish, but I can change! I just need you by my side Jiyong. I can't do this alone. I need you, without you I'll go crazy. I love you Jiyong. Please.. you said you love me.. you can't do this to us!"

Baby don't go, i know i messed up
but that don't mean that i can't change
baby i'm stuck in a wreck,
you're the only who ever made me feel this way
Baby don't leave me
'cos without you i'm bound to go crazy
I can't go on living this way
'cos you're the only one for me
Baby boy l need you here

"Stop Dara! Just stop!" I finally snapped, causing her to freeze as she looked up at me, her tears continuing to fall, "Stop it okay? You think I want to do this? You think it doesn't hurt to see you like this?"

"Then why--"

"It's because it hurts! Can't you see? You're slowly killing me Dara. I can't stick around to see you fall even further into the darkness. I can't stick around when I know my love for you is never going to be enough!"

"What are you talking about Jiyong? I love you! Of course your love is enough! It will always be!"

"No Dara! Stop lying to me, to yourself! Everyone knows okay? Do you know how much it hurts to stand at the sidelines giving you all of my love, only to watch you love something that doesn't even exist? Do you know how insignificant that makes me feel? To know that my own wife, will never love me as much as something we don't even have?!" I erupted, finally letting out all the emotions that had built up inside of me over the past months.

"Stop talking nonsense Jiyong! Of course I love you first and foremost!" she shouted back with equal vigour.

I let out a humourless laugh, "Me? Talking nonsense? If I was enough for you then you wouldn't be so obsessed with wanting to have a child!"

"You know why I want one Jiyong! You know! Ever since--"

"Yes! I know! Ever since you were young, you wanted a child. I get that Dara I do, but I've had enough! I can't take it. Can't you see how obsessive you've become? You've even turned the guest room into a ing baby haven!" I vented, my chest heaving up and down.

"OKAY! I know! I can't help myself okay? It gives me hope!" she tried to reason, "It doesn't mean I love you less!"

"That's where you're wrong Dara! You think I don't notice? What happened to the girl who used to surprise me once a week with a visit at my office for a lunch date? What happened to the girl who would wait for me at home with a cooked meal and ask how my day went and actually paid attention to what I was saying? What happened to the girl who would want to spend as much quality time with me without bringing up the subject of babies?!"

She looked down, flinching at my loud voice before looking back up and taking a small step towards me, "You're right. I've been selfish. All I've been thinking about is myself. I'm sorry, okay? I'll change! I promise. Just.. just tell me what I need to do. I'll do it. Anything.. just.. please.. not this."

Show me an ocean and boy i'll cross it,
Show me a mountain and boy i'll climb it,
Just don't tell me, don't tell me,
Don't tell me that it's too late,
Show me a river and i'll run through it,
Show me a desert and i'll start walking,
Just don't tell me, don't tell me,
Don't tell me it's too late,
too change..

"You say that Dara, but can you really change?" I questioned skeptically, meeting her gaze, "Can you really tell me that it doesn't matter? Can you really look me in the eye and tell me that I am all you need? That we will wake up tomorrow morning and go back to the way we were?"

"I didn't think so," I scoffed, when she immediately looked away from my gaze to stare at the floor.

"Please... Jiyong. Just give me one chance. I'll make it up to you. You know I love you, and I know you love me too," she said softly, fresh tears running down her face.

"You don't understand how much I want to do that Dara. I do, but I know that nothing is going to change. You're never going to stop. I need to do this, not just for me, but for you too," I explained softly.

She let out a weak humourless laugh as she looked up at the ceiling, her eyes still b with tears, "You know, I should've seen this coming. I always had my doubts. I always feared that somewhere down the line something would happen, but never did I think that this would be the reason. I should've known. I should've known that I would be the one that would eventually drive you away."

"Dara.."

"Jiyong... please... you're all I have, all I'm asking is one chance. Please don't leave our home. Is that so much to ask?" she pleaded softly, "I know I've made mistakes. I never should've taken your love for me for granted, but I'm ready now. I'm ready to let go and show you that I can change for you, that you're the only one I need in my life. I want to show you the new me."

"I don't want you to show me a new you Dara," I said gently, "I loved you the way you were."

Pride has taken the best of me,
All this time I never knew that i was the enemy,
Living a lie with you
Clock is ticking now
Don't wanna lose it
Please don't leave this house
I wish that i could take back
The times i made mistakes
I'm trying to show you the new me
'cos i know i've changed and baby you'll see
Now i'm stopping all the lies, baby boy i'm done
No more alibis, not a single one
No more lame excuses, girl i'm through with
You're the only one that i want

"Loved?" she whispered, her voice full of pain.

"No, I didn't mean it like that. You know I still love--"

"You know, I really love you Jiyong," she cut me off, "I know I hurt you, but you have hurt me too. Do you know how lonely I have felt the past few months?"

"I know," she immediately cut me off again before I could object, "It was my own fault. I know that I shouldn't of pushed you away, but it didn't hurt any less to see you coming home late out night, the scent of another woman's perfume on you."

I froze slightly at her words, but held no guilt in my eyes, "Dara, you know me. I would never cheat on you. The perfume.. it was a friend. She has helped me a lot, but I have never forgotten who I am, or my position to you as your husband."

She smiled softly, but the pain was evident in her eyes, "I know. You're too much of a gentleman. I guess she gave you what I couldn't right?"

"No," I immediately denied, "No other woman will ever be able to give me what you have given me Dara."

She gave me a sad smile, "Is this.. is this really it? This.. this is how we're going to end?"

I swallowed hard as I saw how broken she looked. I had the power to wipe away the look of hurt, loss and pain from her heart, but then who would do that for me?

"I'm sorry Dara. It's.. for the best. Us being together.. it's not healthy, for either of us. I wish.. I really wish I could turn back the clock but I can't. I love you, so much. Please believe me. I want you to get better. I want to see you happy, healthy and smiling the way you used to."

"You know I can't do that without you by my side," she whispered hoaresly, "You want me to get better but you aren't going to stay to support me?"

"You can. I know you can. My presence.. it isn't doing you any good," I tried to explain to her and to myself, but was that really the reason? Or was it because I could no longer take another hit to my heart? But if I was trying to protect my heart.. why did this hurt so damn much?

"Our home?"

"The.. house.." I struggled for the right word, "You can have it."

She nodded robotically, "So, this is it?"

I jerkily nodded, my heart dropping as realisation finally dawned on me, this.. this was it. This was the end.

The two of us stared at each other for what felt like eternity before I finally looked away and turned my back on her to leave, my footsteps feeling heavy as I slowly walked away. My heart squeezing painfully with each step I took. I had almost made it to the door when her pained voice caused me to pause momentarily, turning to look at her for the last time.

"I really loved you Jiyong. I still love you - never forget that. As much as I don't want you to leave.. I.. I understand," she tried to give me a smile, but it was full of pain, "I'm sorry that I was too late to change."

Show me an ocean and boy i'll cross it,
Show me a mountain and boy i'll climb it,
Just don't tell me, don't tell me,
Don't tell me it's too late,
Show me a river and i'll run through it,
Show me a desert and i'll start walking,
Just don't tell me, don't tell me,
Don't tell me it's too late, to change..

Author's Note:

Annyeong my beautiful readers!

This was so hard to write T___T I don't think I got the emotions across well enough, I don't feel satisfied, but I want to get this out there. I may go back and edit it once the stories done, let me know your thoughts please! I was stuck between this song or 'Say Something' by Christina Aguilera & Great Big World, as I felt those lyrics really conveyed Jiyong's feelings but since this is from Jiyong's POV I thought I would stick to my original song choice since it was only fair to show Dara's feelings through the lyrics instead. Two chapters to go! ^^

~Water Phoenix