Chapter Nine

HYOYEON

I have to be the she expects me to be …

I have to be the she expects me to be …

I have to be the – I don’t want to be that! I want to …

I want to be so much more than that to Taeyeon.

Hyoyeon sat up from his sleep, his actions last night haunting his dreams and worse off, they were his reality. He sweated through the night. The morning filled with heat and he could feel himself stick from the sweat. He placed his hands over his face to clear the sweat and to make better sense of his actions.

He screwed up last night, his good intentions made things worse between him and Taeyeon. Hyoyeon sighed heavily. He knew what he would say would hurt her but he had to. He ran a hand through his messy hair and stared out the window. Her eyes last night flickered with torment and hurt. But all he could really see was sadness. He had hurt her and he hated himself for it.

Taeyeon  didn't deserve any of it, but I had to. God believe me, I had to.

He continued to stare out the window, half expecting it to bring him the answers he desperately needed. But he knew he wouldn't have any. He needed to give her time and maybe she would see why he did what he had to do. His feelings had to be pushed a side last night, he had to stop her and it was the only way he knew how. It was early on Wednesday, just past 7 in the morning. Hyoyeon was up an hour before usual but he couldn't sleep. His selfishness cost him everything he had or possibly could have with Taeyeon .

I hurt her, but I had to. Please believe me, Taeyeon. I had to.

He chimed in his head, hoping that maybe subconsciously it would be transmitted to Taeyeon. He knew she wouldn't speak to him but how much time would go pass? They lived together. This was a mistake, he shouldn't have come here let alone deliver a painful torment on her. The sound of Elvis's Hound dog played through his phone to his left. It was his brother Mingu's favourite song since they were kids. Mingu always found some sort of hidden message in that song that no one else could decode. He let out a soft sigh and answered the call.

"Hound dog little brother, isn’t it just the best ring tone. I bet you anything you start to your pelvis like the legend himself when you hear me ringing," his brother greeted with a laugh.

"Mingu," Hyoyeon sounded bitterly bored but he wasn't in the mood to talk to his brother and his perfect life with Penelope in Greece.

"Taeyeon  troubles Hyoraeng?" his brother didn't even beat around the bush, instead he went straight for what was bothering Hyoyeon.

"You should have told me," he replied with a deflated sigh.

"Told you what Hyoraeng? That she wasn't a kid anymore? That she turned out beautiful and great to be around with?"

"Yeah," he assured his brother. Before coming to Seoul Hyoyeon asked his brother about Taeyeon. Since he was still in contact with Taeyeon and she had approved of Penelope from the beginning. Mingu and Taeyeon had a special bond. Mingu was like an older, funnier, looser version of a brother for her.

"Tell Hyoyeon I said hi," he heard Penelope say in the background.

"Hi Penelope," Hyoyeon greeted so his brother wouldn't have to.

"You could have warned me, Mingu!" 


"Warned you about what?" 


"Don't act stupid! Taeyeon of course," his brother could be a pain in the .

"Listen Hyoraeng, the thing about Taeyeon is..."

"Is?" he waited impatiently for Mingu to reply but heard nothing but silence. Hyoyeon heard the sound of Penelope asking if Mingu wanted finger sandwiches instead of the seafood salad.

"Taeyeon's beauty had to be witnessed and experience first hand, Hyoraeng. That's something that needed to be felt instead of being told. She has the power to make any guy breathless. She has this life in her that is different to others. She’s mainly the reason for Penelope. I couldn't warn you about Taeyeon because I didn't know you would be so affected by her. She is something special isn't she?" Hyoyeon stayed quiet, letting Mingu continue.

"See, Taeyeon has this innocence about her. She isn't well at the moment. I didn't want you to spoil her, that's why I let you be Hyoraeng around her. She didn't need pity. She needed someone to snap her out of this funk she's in. He extinguished the life out of her and I had hoped if I let you be the stupid fool I know you are, you'd bring something out of her," Mingu finished with an almost hush in his voice

"Yeah, but I hurt her, Mingu," Hyoyeon let out with such sorrow and regret.

"Look, I'm not in your shoes. But you wouldn't hurt her if you didn't think she could take it. You must have had a reason. I know you Hyoyeon, you may not get the emotional side of things but you have a reason for everything. I trust you'll work it out with her. There's something about the tone in your voice that leads me to believe that there is so much more than you're letting on. But alas, I will not make you spill because I respect you little brother. When you're ready you will tell me. But I think you just need some alone time with your thoughts and you’ll find a way to sort this out. You’re a Kim after all!"

"You think so?" Hyoyeon asked. He needed the reassurance of his older brother to see him through. Because he couldn't run to Sooyoung and confess he had feelings for his best friend’s little sister. Nor could he confess that he called her out and made her cry.

"Yes, because she needs you more than you or her realise and vice-versa." Mingu sounded too wise to be his older brother.

"Thanks, Mingu." Hyoyeon was thankful for his brother's phone call. He may not be as close to him as Taeyeon and Sooyoung were but this was the bliss in their relationship.

"No worries, Hyoraeng. Just take care of her. She just needs a bit of time, like I said she isn't well. Trust me, you would have liked her before he entered her life."

"Yeah, I'm sure," was all Hyoyeon could manage out.

“Alright, well Pen's ready to eat, call me anytime little brother!"

"Will do, say bye to Penelope for me!"

"You take care now, Hyoraeng." Hyoyeon didn't reply instead he hung up. That phone call was probably the most heartfelt conversation they had in years, and it had been about Choi Taeyeon.

Mingu never mentioned Onew by name. He had witnessed first hand Taeyeon's dark past, he knew more than Hyoyeon about what had happened. Hyoyeon knew next to nothing except he cheated on her. He remembered two chilling words that came from her shaking lips as he let loose on his verbal assault on her.

You're wrong.

How Taeyeon? What am I missing? I judged you and I didn't even know the full story. I made that sadness appear in your eyes and I couldn't take that away. Instead